Cost so far: 1.2 million for VIP suites at the Mayfair in London.
A bunch of ill-fitting and tacky dresses that can’t be returned as they have been worn already.
1 million for limosines rented out by an Irish funeral home.

By the time they arrive at their destination Trump resort and golf club, the whole entourage smells suspiciously like formaldyhyde and mothballs. And all of the Irish ghosts in the cars cast a pall which will now follow him everywhere he goes!

When the Grim Reaper running the Senate smells him when he gets home, it will excite his old bones into a frenzy.

Banshees are heard moaning in the distance. The Hounds of the Baskervilles. Headless horsemen. Phantom Fomorians. Orangemen!!





Trump goes to London to visit the Queen (my screenplay) Part One:
https://www.democraticunderground.com/100212151767

Trump goes to London pt. 2: Faux Pas Edition Part Two:
https://www.democraticunderground.com/100212158018

Tea with Prince Charles and Camilla and The State Banquet -- Part 3 and 4
https://www.democraticunderground.com/100212159350

Trump starts the day off by rage tweeting that the Mayor of London is a short, “stone cold loser,” and “nasty” like Meghan Markle after he sees the Baby Blimp floating over Big Ben as Air Force One taxis to a landing.


Melania slithers out of Air Force One wearing her $4000.00 “Grab her by the pussy bow” blouse in the colors of the Union Jack.


Prince Andrew the Duke of York is brought in to “handle” Ivanka, but finds her a bit old for his taste. He and Trump talk about their mutual friend convicted multimillionaire pedophile Jeffrey Epstein. “Good times,” says the Duke of York.


Ivanka tries to find the throne but is disappointed to learn that the Queen had the room locked in advance, so she is left peering out of the window on the balcony at Buckingham Palace green with envy (or is that dirty money?).


The Queen shows Trump some charred artifacts from when the British burned down the White House in 1812, then shows him his gift to her when he last visited, asking him if he recognizes it. “Oh, that’s ‘Underage Girl,’ the horse Roy Moore gave me when I stumped for him on his failed Senate bid in Alabama.”


She wonders if anyone notices she has worn an old Dolce and Gabbana knockoff of a dress Diana used to wear, her third wardrobe change of the day, and it’s only noonish. Melania admires the Queen’s drapes and mentally reminds herself to buy a matching dress when she returns to Washington DC.

Her Majesty presents Trump with a book written by Winston Churchill filled with words that Trump can’t read.

Harry looks ready to bolt. As soon as no one is looking, Prince Harry ducks out the side door, sneaks through the kitchens and out the back garden to make a quick escape. Meghan is waiting for him at home with a pot of tea and a hug.



As evening approaches, images of a hat bearing the name of the USS John McCain are projected on Madame Tussaud’s Wax Museum, and ones comparing Trump’s popularity with Obama on the Tower of London.

More to come…

Prince Charles is promising not to be a meddling monarch and will refrain from mentioning his interests in climate change or urban blight when Trump visits. In other words, all they will have to talk about is the garden. Camilla will surely be slightly inebriated and probably hilarious trying to understand what Melania is saying about the peonies. Camilla to Charles (whisper): "Did she just say he likes to pee on her knees?"

Prince Harry will be glaring daggers at Trump as will Prince William. Both will wash their hands with hand sanitizer after meeting him.

And this is just tea.

At the State Banquet, Queen Elizabeth will eat like it's her last meal in order to hasten the end of the ordeal. Sitting between Melania and Trump, she'll stare stoically down the grand banquet table with its 15 pieces of silver precisely placed at each plate setting and remind herself that she mustn't let him touch her or pinch any of her jewels, and she should have the butler carefully count all the silver the Trump family used after they leave. She will wonder if the Emperor of Japan really did abdicate to avoid having to meet Trump. She will wonder if she should have done the same.

Mostly, she will be wishing she could be in her own rooms watching telly.

God Save the Queen.