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Zorro's Journal
Zorro's Journal
September 2, 2019

Democrats Launch New 'Listen Up, Hayseeds' Campaign To Connect With Rural Voters

EMPORIA, KS—Unveiling the new nationwide messaging strategy after six months of planning and research, the Democratic Party launched its “Listen Up, Hayseeds” campaign Monday to win over rural voters.

“Hey, you redneck simpletons, put down your whittling sticks, drag yourself away from the Cracker Barrel, and let us tell you how it is,” said a team of Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer on the debut commercial, part of a widespread advertising blitz that will be played at NASCAR races and monster truck rallies across the country.

“We know you can barely read, so we’ll spell this out for you: The Republican tax plan will only benefit the rich. Don’t you dumb hicks get that? Democrats will fight inequality so you and all your inbred cousins don’t have to live in a trailer anymore. Get it?”

Democratic officials have also announced a new “You Think You Can Do Better Than Us?” campaign aimed at increasing turnout among African American and Hispanic voters.

September 2, 2019

Revealed: How a secret Dutch mole aided the U.S.-Israeli Stuxnet cyberattack on Iran

For years, an enduring mystery has surrounded the Stuxnet virus attack that targeted Iran’s nuclear program: How did the U.S. and Israel get their malware onto computer systems at the highly secured uranium-enrichment plant?

The first-of-its-kind virus, designed to sabotage Iran’s nuclear program, effectively launched the era of digital warfare and was unleashed some time in 2007, after Iran began installing its first batch of centrifuges at a controversial enrichment plant near the village of Natanz.

The courier behind that intrusion, whose existence and role has not been previously reported, was an inside mole recruited by Dutch intelligence agents at the behest of the CIA and the Israeli intelligence agency, the Mossad, according to sources who spoke with Yahoo News.

An Iranian engineer recruited by the Dutch intelligence agency AIVD provided critical data that helped the U.S. developers target their code to the systems at Natanz, according to four intelligence sources. That mole then provided much-needed inside access when it came time to slip Stuxnet onto those systems using a USB flash drive.


September 1, 2019

Watch a man brazenly light a cigarette at gunpoint during an armed robbery

If you think you’re cool under pressure, you’ve got absolutely nothing on a St. Louis man who — in a scene that could have easily been part of a Tarantino movie — calmly and brazenly lit a cigarette while the bar he was in was being robbed.

Not only that, our fearless hero refused to let the robber snatch his smartphone away. All the while, the robber was carrying around an assault weapon that was later revealed to be a Hi-Point Carbine. If that sounds familiar, the Hi-Point Carbine was one of the weapons used during the 1999 Columbine school shooting.

The robbery itself was captured on video and shows all the other bar patrons smartly take immediate cover. Our cigarette toting hero, meanwhile, doesn’t seem to show the tiniest ounce of concern or fear.

What’s more, he doesn’t even flinch when the robber went around the bar and briefly pointed his weapon in his direction. Indeed, in a bad-ass demonstration of resolve, it was at this moment that he lit a cigarette, with seemingly no regard for his own well-being or St. Louis’ indoor smoking laws. Even when another bar patron has a gun shoved into his back, the anonymous smoker remains incredibly calm while continuing to smoke.


Don't know if it's cool or not, but damn...

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Hometown: America's Finest City
Current location: District 48
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