Source: Sarasota Herald-Tribune

Some got in line more than 24 hours before the president was scheduled to speak.

The Trump magnet is so strong it pulled supporters from all over the state to Tampa for a Tuesday rally, with some staking out spots in line more than 24 hours before the president was set to speak.

Gene Huber, a 48-year-old used car salesman from West Palm Beach, was the first in line outside the Expo Hall at the Florida State Fairgrounds.

Huber arrived at 2 p.m. Monday to claim his spot. He wore a shirt with a picture of himself hugging Trump. He said the image is from a 2016 campaign rally when the president called him on stage.

Read more: http://www.heraldtribune.com/news/20180731/hundreds-line-up-for-trump-rally-tonight-in-tampa

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The derp is strong in Florida.

MOSCOW—Confessing that her relationship with the Putin government was closer than previously disclosed, Russian lawyer Natalia Veselnitskaya admitted Friday to repeated and frequent communication with the Kremlin concerning the Trump campaign’s “unprecedented, colossal, and towering” ineptitude.

“On numerous occasions, I notified the [Russian federal security service] FSB on matters pertaining to the Trump campaign’s breathtaking incompetence,” said Veselnitskaya, divulging that she even spoke with Putin himself, who completely agreed with her assessment of Donald Trump Jr. as an amateurish dolt capable of bungling even the most rudimentary tasks.

“Moreover, I sent thousands of files relating to incidents, occasions, and events during which the Trump campaign demonstrated that its staff consisted of clueless dipshits totally oblivious to the treason they consistently committed against the United States at almost every given opportunity. I would not characterize the FSB’s reaction as one of surprise."

Veselnitskaya confirmed that she eventually broke ties with the Trump campaign, citing concerns that the bumbling jackasses in charge would fuck up everything Russia was working towards, choosing instead to concentrate her efforts on “the ruthless Machiavellian savants” of the National Rifle Association.

https://politics.theonion.com/russian-lawyer-admits-to-repeatedly-informing-kremlin-o-1825612874

We are about to see the first test of special counsel Robert Mueller's charges in the Paul Manafort trial that starts Tuesday, and the consequences will be critical not only for Manafort but also for President Donald Trump. If Mueller wins a conviction, and I predict he will, it will severely undercut Trump's contention that the Mueller investigation into Russia's attack on the 2016 election is nothing more than a politically motivated "witch hunt."

The multicount indictment against Manafort, Trump's 2016 campaign manager, alleges two kinds of crimes: 1) hiding from U.S. authorities, including the IRS, millions of dollars in payments for work on behalf of the pro-Russian political party in Ukraine and then-President Viktor Yanukovych; and 2) falsifying applications for loans from banks after Yanukovych was deposed and Manafort's income plunged precipitously, imperiling his extravagant lifestyle.

The Eastern District of Virginia, where the case will be tried, is famous for its fast pace, or "rocket docket." I have tried cases there as a government attorney, and typically the court would move all stages, including jury selection, at breakneck speed. Nevertheless, given the prominence of the case and the likelihood that many potential jurors will have heard of Manafort, it probably will take two days to seat a jury, in which case opening statements would occur Thursday.

A characteristic failing of many prosecutors is presenting more evidence than necessary, resulting in a plodding and sometimes hard-to-follow narrative. There is no chance Mueller falls prey to such overkill. The prosecution's case will rather be streamlined and fast-paced, with only the detail necessary to wrap everything up at the end.

https://www.usatoday.com/story/opinion/2018/07/30/paul-manafort-trial-test-trump-mueller-witch-hunt-claim-column/859561002/

Josh Collins and wife Jessica Salazar Collins were mystified: Why would the Bank of America, where they’ve banked since the early 2000s, suddenly ask questions about Josh’s citizenship?

He was born in Wichita.

So this thoroughly American couple from Roeland Park ignored a form that the bank mailed them about a month ago asking, among other things, whether Josh Collins was a citizen or could claim dual citizenship with another country.

Jessica said she tossed the letter because she and Josh “thought it was a scam.”

https://www.bradenton.com/news/nation-world/national/article215688615.html

These days it's getting difficult to determine which megabank is the worst -- BofA, Wells Fargo, Shitibank, or Chase.

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—House Republicans on Thursday accused the Deputy Attorney General, Rod Rosenstein, of “secretly and nefariously” implementing a plot to uphold the United States Constitution.

In a joint press conference, Representatives Mark Meadows, of North Carolina, and Jim Jordan, of Ohio, said that they had “ample evidence” that Rosenstein was prepared to protect the Constitution “by any and all means at his disposal.”

“There is only one way to describe Rosenstein’s obsession with putting the Constitution before all other concerns,” Meadows said. “Conflict of interest.” “It is almost as if Rod Rosenstein had taken some kind of solemn oath to defend a centuries-old document,” Jordan said. “This should make every American very, very scared.”

Though the Republicans have shelved their articles of impeachment against Rosenstein for now, they hope that their impeachment threat will send a clear message to Rosenstein that his reckless allegiance to the Constitution will no longer be tolerated. “If, going forward, Rosenstein uses his position at the Department of Justice to seek justice, he will be crossing a red line,” Meadows said.

https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/republicans-accuse-rosenstein-of-secretly-plotting-to-uphold-constitution

NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report)—Calling it “an exciting new chapter in my amazing life,” Ivanka Trump has been named dean of the business school at the newly reconstituted Trump University.

“I’ve been incredibly blessed with stratospheric success as a businessperson,” Dean Trump said on Wednesday. “This is my chance to give something back, for only fifty thousand dollars in tuition and other fees.”

Trump said that students enrolling at the Trump University School of Business can look forward to gleaning wisdom not only from her but from another star faculty member, Jared Kushner. “When it comes to business, Jared has been almost as incredible I have,” she said.

In online promotional materials for the school, Dean Trump promises “an unforgettable educational experience” for “students who want to learn business the Ivanka way.” “Many people take years to get a business off the ground,” Dean Trump writes. “At the Trump University School of Business, I’ll show you how to open a business and close it down in four years flat.”

https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/ivanka-trump-named-dean-of-business-school-at-trump-university

As part of a package to make the tax cuts passed last year permanent, Republican Rep. Kevin Brady, chair of the House Ways and Means Committee, will include a proposal that would drastically change the way Americans save for retirement.

Brady’s proposal is expected to include a revamped version of the Retirement Enhancement and Savings Act of 2018 that was proposed in March. The bill could make it easier for small businesses to offer 401(k) retirement accounts to workers and provide some with annuity-like vehicles, which provide guaranteed income during retirement.

“In many ways, this provision helps recreate traditional pension plans that used to promise workers that no matter how long they lived, they’d get a monthly check thanks to their former employer,” Dirk Kempthorne, CEO of the American Council of Life Insurers wrote in an op-ed.

The changes would be the most significant to retirement savings since 2006. That could be especially important as nearly half of working-age families have nothing saved in retirement accounts. Analysis from the Federal Reserve found that the median working-age family had only $5,000 saved in 2013.

https://www.yahoo.com/news/republicans-looking-overhaul-retirement-plans-tax-cut-bill-190759301.html

It would be nice if for once the Republicans acted in the true interest of the public, instead of promoting a sham effort with no chance of passing just to pretend they care.

CORNUDAS, TX—In response to growing issues with its population of juvenile detainees, the U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement agency reportedly announced on Tuesday the opening of a new supermax detention center to house its most hardened toddlers.

“The Hudspeth County Maximum Correctional Facility is designed to provide secure and controlled incarceration of the most disruptive and difficult young children under ICE custody,” said ICE acting director Ronald Vitiello of the facility, which will hold up to 450 of the system’s most intractable and dangerous toddlers in single-cell solitary confinement for 23 hours per day, with minimal access to staff and other detained children, indefinitely.

“These are the real criers and tantrum-throwers. We can’t put our guards at risk every day by allowing these kids who routinely incite mass screaming to remain among the general population. Look, a lot of these toddlers have been locked up for half their lives; they haven’t spent time in the outside world, and they have significant behavioral issues. We need to recognize that some of these truly hardened 12- to 36-month-old migrants are just beyond rehabilitation by our justice system.”

Vitiello added that ICE was also hoping to expedite the reunification of parents and children who had been separated by the agency’s detention policies by updating the Leavenworth Detention Center with a family execution chamber.

https://www.theonion.com/ice-opens-new-supermax-detention-center-for-most-harden-1827838332

Papa John’s International Inc.’s board members voted to adopt a “poison pill” on Sunday to prevent its controversial founder from gaining a controlling interest in the pizza chain, according to people familiar with the matter.

The board, which is expected to announce the poison pill Monday morning, has been trying to sever ties with John Schnatter, who founded Papa John’s 34 years ago, following revelations that he used a racial slur during a recent conference call.

Schnatter owns 29% of Papa John’s PZZA, +1.16% shares and has indicated that he won’t cede control of the company without a fight.

Boards can adopt shareholder-rights plans, commonly known as poison pills, to block an investor from accumulating a majority stake in a company — a defensive move intended to thwart a hostile takeover. They are usually employed to block activist shareholders from gaining more control.

https://www.marketwatch.com/story/papa-johns-board-oks-poison-pill-to-prevent-founder-from-gaining-control-2018-07-22

Looks as if the BoD knows this guy is now poisonous to the future fortune of the company.

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In a series of early-morning tweets on Sunday, Donald J. Trump demanded that the Russian national anthem be played before every National Football League game and that all N.F.L. players stand during the performance.

Trump asserted that playing the Russian anthem was a “necessary gesture of good will from the USA to our No. 1 ally,” and that “any player who refuses to stand for the Russian antem [sic] hates America!”

Seeming to double down on his demand, Trump tweeted that all N.F.L. players must remain standing while the color guard unfurls the flag of the Russian Federation.

Trump’s insistence that football players stand for the Russian anthem appeared to come as a surprise to the director of National Intelligence, Dan Coats, who first heard about it while appearing at a security forum, in Bethesda, Maryland. “What kind of fucking bullshit is this?” Coats said, later saying that he meant no disrespect by that remark.

https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/trump-demands-that-nfl-players-stand-during-russian-national-anthem