NEW YORK—In a decision that shields the former owners of Purdue Pharma from personal liability for America’s opioid crisis, the 2nd U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals ruled Wednesday that members of the Sackler family could still go to heaven.

“It is our determination that the Sacklers should receive immunity from damnation for their crimes so that they may enter into the eternal kingdom and be granted everlasting life,” said Judge Eunice C. Lee, who explained that by paying a $6 billion settlement for their involvement in an addiction crisis that took the lives of 500,000 Americans over two decades, the Sacklers would cleanse the blood from their hands and fully atone for their sins.

“Richard, Theresa, David, Jonathan, Ilene, Beverly, Kathe, and Mortimer D.A. Sackler, as well as the souls of their late forbears Raymond and Mortimer, will be guaranteed permanent residence in God’s shining paradise in the clouds. And as far as the justice system is concerned, everyone who died from an OxyContin addiction can go straight to hell.”

The court also ruled that the Sacklers would be allowed to sell opioids once more when they entered the gates of heaven.

https://www.theonion.com/federal-court-rules-sacklers-can-still-go-to-heaven-1850487557

BRYAN, TX—As soon as she reported Tuesday to the federal prison camp where she is to be incarcerated, former biotech entrepreneur Elizabeth Holmes is said to have immediately defrauded the biggest, toughest inmate she could find in an effort to gain the respect of her fellow prisoners.

“You’re getting in on the ground floor of a venture that will revolutionize the prison industry,” Holmes said as she walked up to the facility’s most feared convict and swindled her out of all her money, reportedly hoping to send a clear message that she was “nobody’s bitch.”

“This is a groundbreaking technology that will change the world while paying huge dividends on your initial investment of 30 packs of cigarettes. And if you give me just a small cut of your prison wages every week, I’ll make sure you’re drinking the finest hooch by the time we take the company public.”

At press time, inmates were seen scattering in every direction after Elizabeth Holmes and her gang entered the prison yard armed with spreadsheets and asking who wanted to go all-in on a new venture.

https://www.theonion.com/elizabeth-holmes-immediately-defrauds-biggest-inmate-to-1850487519

Former President Trump has vaulted back to a substantial lead in California over Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis in the race for the Republican presidential nomination, as the party’s voters brush aside his legal travails, a new poll finds.

Trump has the support of 44% of California’s likely Republican primary voters, while DeSantis was backed by 26%, according to the UC Berkeley Institute of Governmental Studies poll co-sponsored by The Times. That’s a notable reversal of their standings three months ago, when DeSantis led Trump by 8 percentage points among the state’s GOP voters.

The former president’s rise shows his ability to use the media to galvanize the voters most likely to back his third White House bid, said Mark DiCamillo, director of the IGS poll.

“Trump dominates the news, and I think he enjoys that, and I think he gets the sense when he is dominating the news, he’s probably expanding his messaging to his base,” DiCamillo said. “I think this poll pretty much proves that. Even when the news isn’t necessarily great, he’s able to give his own opinion about why things are the way they are, and the Republican base pretty much believes him.”

https://www.latimes.com/politics/story/2023-05-28/poll-trump-takes-big-lead-over-desantis-among-california-republicans

This smells like good news to me.

Officials from Gov. Ron DeSantis’ administration have been texting lobbyists with business before the state and asking for political donations—a breach of campaign finance norms that raises legal and ethical concerns, according to a report from NBC News. Traditionally, a candidate’s political operations are walled off from the employees of that candidate’s currently held office—especially a sitting governor who still has line-item veto power over items in the state budget, which DeSantis has yet to complete. Whether the state employees’ actions are illegal is unclear, but nearly a dozen lobbyists who spoke with NBC News said it raised ethical concerns that are impossible to ignore. “At a minimum, even if they are sitting in their home at 9 p.m. using their personal phone and contacting lobbyists that they somehow magically met in their personal capacity and not through their role in the governor’s office, it still smells yucky,” one election law attorney told the network. “There’s a misuse of public position issue here that is obvious to anyone paying attention.” At least one official confirmed that they and their colleagues were fundraising for DeSantis’ campaign, and denied that they had engaged in any wrongdoing.

https://www.thedailybeast.com/desantis-officials-raise-eyebrows-with-campaign-cash-pleas-report-says

The DeSantis campaign seems to be off to a potentially illegal grifting start. Par for the course for Republicans these days.

Just hours after his release, Jacob Chansley appeared to be leaning into the same conspiracies that got him into trouble in the first place.

Just hours after being released from federal custody Thursday, Jacob Chansley, the convicted Jan. 6 rioter dubbed “Qanon Shaman” for his distinctive Capitol riot costume, is back on Twitter. And it appears he isn’t giving up the bit.

In his first post back, Chansley uploaded a computer-generated image of himself howling in the back of a police car—while wearing his namesake headdress and red, white and blue face paint. The caption was just one word: “FREEDOM!!!”

Shortly after, Chansley posted a five-minute clip on the “Forbidden Truth Podcast” Twitter account. It contained a rambling monologue in which he insisted that he has “learned numerous lessons during the test which God has graced me with over the last two and a half years.”

“I have no animosity or hatred towards the United States federal government,” Chansley said. “And I have forgiven my captors, and I pray for them.”

https://www.thedailybeast.com/newly-freed-qanon-shaman-jacob-chansley-just-cant-keep-his-mouth-shut

Gov. Ron DeSantis has created an army of “feeling police” who will function to purge our corporations and schools from discussion of systemic racial disparities.

Gov. Ron DeSantis and his government have enacted laws that outlaw a form of free speech. Among these laws are the Individual Freedom Act, also known as Florida’s Stop Woke Act (HB 7), and SB 266, which prohibits general college courses from “teaching theories that systemic racism, sexism, oppression and privilege are inherent in the institutions of the United States and were created to maintain social, political and economic inequities.” These laws can make it illegal to discuss why there are systematic racial disparities in birth rates, occupations, income, wealth, health and mortality.

Backers of the bills assert this form of speech is banned because it may cause a person to feel “guilt, anguish, or other forms of psychological distress.” Consequently, these laws will “free” Floridians from having to attend workshops or take classes that discuss the causes and consequences of systematic racial disparities.

The critical question then becomes, how will DeSantis enforce these laws? That is, how can you police free speech? Diabolically, these laws deputize individuals to inform the appropriate authorities if, for some arbitrary reason, they felt “guilt, anguish, or other forms of psychological distress” after being exposed to discussions about systemic racial disparities. As a result, these laws will create an army of collaborators/ informants/ sympathizers who will police our classrooms and corporations. In short, DeSantis has created an army of “feeling police” that will function to purge our corporations and schools from any discussion of systemic racial disparities.

In addition, these laws empower Florida’s government to punish corporations (for example, Disney) or schools that allegedly caused an individual to be “anguished.” These laws endow the government to fine corporations and to withhold support from Florida’s universities if they do not purge discussions of systemic racial disparities.

Thus, as a result of these laws, universities and corporations are now in continuous fear that an anguished “feeling police officer” is in their midst, an empowered sympathizer who will report them to the appropriate authorities for being politically incorrect. But, of course, this is Florida’s government intent. It will control free speech by creating fear within these institutions that a collaborator declares that she or he felt “anguished.” DeSantis wants everyone to be walking on eggshells waiting to be accused.

https://www.tampabay.com/opinion/2023/05/25/florida-university-classrooms-heres-what-students-are-free-not-learn-column/

A Pinellas judge has issued a warrant for the arrest of a Christian radio show host charged with racketeering who didn’t show up for his court date before trial this week.

Pinellas-Pasco Circuit Judge W. Douglas Baird issued a warrant Monday for the arrest of Gary Gauthier, 73.

Gauthier hosted a Tampa Bay area Christian radio show called “It’s God’s Money” in the early 2000s in which he persuaded listeners to invest in real estate properties he and a business partner, David Dreslin, had purchased.

Gauthier, who by that point had gone bankrupt four times, drew investors into a Ponzi scheme, prosecutors said. When the housing market collapsed, payments to investors stopped. Prosecutors said Gauthier and Dreslin scammed nearly 40 Tampa Bay residents out of $6 million. The two were arrested in 2014 on charges of racketeering, fraud and unregistered securities.

https://www.tampabay.com/news/crime/2023/05/25/warrant-issued-pinellas-christian-radio-host-who-skipped-court-date/

Rep. Lauren Boebert's son called 911 in December to report that his father, Jayson Boebert, had gotten physical with him and was "throwing" him around the house and that he didn't know why.

Minutes after the call ended — while Garfield County Sheriff's Office deputies were on their way to their home — the teen called again to take the accusations back, with Lauren Boebert jumping on the phone to say her son "doesn't need help."

Jayson Boebert denied to the deputies — and to Insider — that he had gotten physical with the teen.

"The safety and well-being of my family are the most important things in the world to me," Lauren Boebert told Insider on Thursday. "We've had some tough times and heartache. I've taken action to ensure there are better days ahead for all of us."

https://news.yahoo.com/lauren-boeberts-son-called-911-163600128.html

They seem nice and normal...

Donald Trump took to Truth Social on Wednesday night in a blaze of fury against his latest competitor in the 2024 presidential race, Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis.

The former president began a long thread of criticism against his former ally on Wednesday afternoon, just ahead of DeSantis’ announcement that he will run for the 2024 presidency.

Trump posted screen-grabs of polls showing Trump with a clear lead for the Republican presidential nomination—before welcoming “Rob” to the race with a cheeky post about how he’ll soon face a barrage of criticism and scrutiny.

“Hopefully he will get the full experience of being attacked by the Marxists, Communists, and Radical Left Lunatics of our Country, without which he will never know the kind of job he is doing,” the 76-year-old wrote.

https://www.thedailybeast.com/trump-taunts-ron-desantis-during-glitchy-twitter-spaces-campaign-launch

Source: San Diego Union-Tribune

House Republicans passed a resolution on Wednesday that would overturn President Joe Biden’s student loan cancellation plan, but the White House has vowed to veto it and the plan remains on hold as the Supreme Court considers its fate.

It adds to the GOP’s ongoing attack on Biden’s one-time student loan cancellation, which was halted in November in response to lawsuits from conservative opponents. The Supreme Court is now weighing the plan after hearing arguments in February. A decision is expected in the coming weeks.

Biden’s plan would cancel up to $20,000 in federal student loans for 43 million Americans. About 26 million had applied for the relief before courts intervened.

The latest Republican challenge employs the Congressional Review Act, which allows Congress to undo recently enacted executive branch regulations. Passing a resolution requires a simple majority in both chambers, but overriding a presidential veto requires two-thirds majorities in the House and Senate.

Read more: https://www.sandiegouniontribune.com/news/nation-world/story/2023-05-24/house-gop-passes-resolution-overturning-student-loan-cancellation-biden-vows-veto

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There really is no end to Republican fuckery. Apparently they believe they're elected to disserve the public interest.