Zorro
Zorro's JournalTed Cruz: Regular Guy Who Drinks Beer And Not Even Everybody Wants To Punch Him In The Face
Just regular old Ted at the end of the bar!Have y’all heard the new lie from the washing machines/gas stoves genre about what Joe Biden is going to steal from us next? Biden is now going to hold us down and force us to only have two beers per week. (Probably Bud Light!) Idiot boy Peter Doocy asked about it at the White House the other day and Karine Jean-Pierre was like Jesus, what?
It’s not even halfway based on something real. And quite frankly it’s not worth explaining. It’s too fucking stupid to occupy space in your brain. If you for some reason care — or, like, if you’re just surrounded by lunatics and you want to know whey they’re writing “GIVE ME LIBRUTY OR GIVE ME BEERS” in poo on the wall — click the link in the last graf.
But because Republicans are pant-shitting fucking babies who are scared of literally everything, we guess it’s a potent issue for Ted Cruz to go on Newsmax and make absolutely the most cringe-inducing Ted Cruz clip ever made by any Ted Cruz in the allegedly human history of Ted Cruzes. We really don’t know if we’ve ever seen him more pathetic.
It is Ted Cruz, flanked by regular guys at the bar, who were somehow conscripted into pretending they were “just one of the guys” with Ted Cruz. You know, because Ted Cruz really blends in with that crowd.
(They are probably all gay theater majors. Or just old gay bears at some kind of Republican country-western gay bar.)
And Ted Cruz SAYS A SWEAR. He says that if Joe Biden tries to come get his beer, you can KISS MY ASS.
https://www.wonkette.com/p/ted-cruz-regular-guy-who-drinks-beer
A Tempest in a Teapot in a Far, Far Away Place
This morning Axios leads with an “Exclusive”: “Donors fret over Scott’s single status”. As they look for the best challenger to the supremacy of Donald Trump, top GOP donors have been skittish about ponying up big money for South Carolina Senator Tim Scott because the 57 year old South Carolina Senator is unmarried. Back in May Scott told an on stage interviewer he had a girlfriend but didn’t name her. The story says that the Scott campaign’s discussion of the issue has been “vague” while making clear that, at least according to one source, even if many donors have concerns it’s definitely not a majority of them.
This is simply an odd story on many levels. It feels a tad archaic to put it mildly. As Scott himself put during that May interview with Axios, “it sounds like we’re living in 1963 and not 2023.”
The Scott campaign says it will be addressing the issue in the coming weeks.
The subtext of the discussion speaks for itself. But that’s not actually the weirdest part of the story to me. The article at least on its face isn’t really or only about scuttlebutt about why Scott has never married. It’s about the fact that Scott is having a hard time getting the big donors who dominate GOP politics to get behind his campaign now that Ron DeSantis has clearly failed as the Great Billionaire Hope for defeating Donald Trump.
https://talkingpointsmemo.com/edblog/a-tempest-in-a-teapot-in-a-far-far-away-place
Hmmmmm...
White House asks Congress to pass short-term spending deal, boost food aid
Source: Washington Post
The White House on Thursday urged Congress to adopt a short-term measure to fund the federal government, a move meant to buy time for lawmakers to craft a broader spending deal and avert a shutdown at the end of September.
The Biden administration coupled its call to action with a new request that Congress address funding for a series of cash-starved programs — including, for example, an additional $1.4 billion to prevent a potential disruption in nutritional aid for low-income families.
For the second time this year, the United States finds itself barreling toward a crisis: Unless Congress acts, the government will run out of money on Sept. 30, triggering a shutdown that jeopardizes countless federal programs on which millions of Americans rely.
Democrats and Republicans for months have tried to advance a series of appropriations bills that would fund the government through the 2024 fiscal year, which begins Oct. 1. But the two parties remain vastly opposed on the specifics, with House Republicans seeking spending cuts so deep that Biden and his Democratic allies refuse to entertain them.
Read more: https://www.washingtonpost.com/business/2023/08/31/white-house-congressional-spending-government-shutdown/
In court, Trump supporter faces election official he violently threatened
The election officials piled into the front row of a federal courtroom — a show of support for a local public official who has endured more than two years of attacks for his role in helping to certify Donald Trump’s loss in Arizona in 2020.
Clint Hickman’s simple act — which was required by law and his oath as chairman of the Maricopa County Board of Supervisors — resulted in hundreds of mostly anonymous threats. Hickman, a 58-year-old Republican who has served as a supervisor for a decade, says he is so tired of election denialism and hostility toward rank-and-file staff that he has not yet decided if he will run for reelection next year.
On Monday, he came face-to-face with one of his harassers.
Mark Rissi, a 65-year-old from Iowa who has worked in customer service in recent years, walked into the courtroom using a cane. He slowly passed Hickman as he made his way to the defendant’s table. In April, he pleaded guilty to sending threatening communications to Hickman and the state’s former attorney general, Mark Brnovich, also a Republican.
He was in court to receive his punishment.
https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/2023/08/30/arizona-2020-election-violent-threats/
Alabama GOP Lawmaker Arrested on Felony Voter Fraud Charge
An Alabama Republican lawmaker was arrested Tuesday on a charge of felony voter fraud in the wake of allegations he voted in a district where he wasn’t living. On Tuesday afternoon, according to jail records, state Rep. David Cole was booked into the Madison County Jail on a charge of voting at multiple or unauthorized locations, and was released after posting a $2,500 bond. Cole, 52, has faced questions surrounding his residency status since before he was elected to represent District 10 in the Alabama House last November. Days before the election, a local news station reported that Cole—a longtime resident of District 4, according to tax records—had signed a rental agreement for a property in District 10. The move meant replacing a retiring Republican, rather than facing a bruising primary against District 4’s incumbent. Cole later admitted in sworn testimony that he was unsure how many nights he’d spent in the rental home. What’s more, a Republican opponent who’d previously raised concerns about Cole’s residency was booted off the ballot by the party.
https://www.thedailybeast.com/alabama-republican-rep-david-cole-arrested-on-felony-voter-fraud-charge
Oh No, The Daily Beast And Its Lover Satan Are Chasing Perfect Christians Matt And Mercedes Schlapp
No joke Wonkette makes, however minor, is too crazy that literally the next day it is not in danger of becoming reality. That is the America we now live in.
On Tuesday, we had an update on the trials and tribulations of Matt Schlapp of CPAC and the American Conservative Union, about whom there are more allegations that he likes to try to touch guy weeners when his Christian wife Mercy isn’t looking.
Yes, on top of the lawsuit from the former Herschel Walker staffer. Trouble over there in CPAC world!
And we mentioned in passing that ever since this began, the Schlapps, both of them, have had this bizarre predilection for blaming this all on the Daily Beast, acting as if the publication solely exists to concoct conspiracies to take them down. Unhinged? Well yeah. Hilariously self-important? LOL sure, Matt, you and Mrs. Batshit are definitely worth all that trouble. Bet!
Lord, it doesn’t even make sense. Especially since different news outlets are corroborating accusations with accusers and whatnot, none of who have anything to do with the Daily Beast.
https://www.wonkette.com/p/oh-no-the-daily-beast-and-its-lover
DeSantis tells Biden: Keep your IRA money
President Joe Biden is offering one of his White House challengers hundreds of millions of dollars to spend in his state. The only problem: that opponent is refusing to take it.
The Inflation Reduction Act makes Florida eligible for some $350 million in energy efficiency incentives. But Gov. Ron DeSantis has rejected the funding and other measures, creating the most prominent blockade by any Republican governor against Biden’s economic agenda.
And there’s nothing the White House can do besides hope he changes his mind.
The rejection has the potential to create significant ripple effects, politically and economically, in the coming months. As the president and his Cabinet members go around the country boasting about the IRA, rebates for energy-efficient purchases — the majority of the funding that DeSantis has refused — have played a particularly prominent role. That’s not just because they underpin the administration’s climate agenda but because they provide direct rebates to consumers.
https://www.yahoo.com/news/climate-clash-desantis-refuses-biden-083000996.html
Parents Don't Understand How Son Could Spend So Much Money To Live In Place That Brings Him Joy
DAYTON, OH—Saying that it made absolutely zero sense for him to squander his paycheck on rent that high, local parents Janet and Greg Tillson told reporters Tuesday that they didn’t understand how their son could spend so much money to live in a place that brought him joy.
“Frankly, I don’t understand it at all—why would you want to pay $3,000 a month just so you could experience true, deep happiness where you work and live?” said Janet Tillson, who added that she hated seeing her son lose out on a big chunk of his income just so he could spend his days surrounded by people and things that were fun, interesting, and personally fulfilling.
“So what, you’ve got restaurants, bars, theater, friends, community, your job, and a girlfriend, as well as people and activities that give your life meaning every single day. If you moved back home, you could get worse versions of a few of those things for under $1,000 a month. You’d have way more money when you eventually blew your brains out.”
At press time, Janet also added that she didn’t understand how people could raise families in big cities, especially when they seemed so happy and fulfilled all the time.
https://www.theonion.com/parents-don-t-understand-how-son-could-spend-so-much-mo-1850775128
MSNBC Is Having Its Super Bowl With Donald Trump's Indictments
The network’s mix of weighty reflection, analysis, and schadenfreude is drawing in major ratings, surpassing Fox News and CNN as the go-to network for coverage of Trump’s criminal charges.The MSNBC panel was awaiting former president Donald Trump’s Fulton County Jail mug shot, when Rachel Maddow asked her audience to register the gravity of the moment. “I’m saying we should slow down here just for a second, because this is serious stuff for the nation, for who we are as a country,” she said last week, as MSNBC aired the photo—the first of any current or former United States president. “This is not something to take lightly. Our constitutional republic depends on the very basic concept of rule by law, not rule by man,” Maddow continued. It was fitting that Trump looked so angry in the mug shot; despite being the fourth indictment and arrest this year, it was Trump’s first. “He’s embodying…the avatar for the rage that he has traded off of to become president in the first place,” Joy Reid said.
But not every moment was that earnest on MSNBC that night. Over the course of the segment, which followed everything from Trump’s plane landing in Atlanta to his motorcade to and from the jailhouse, the MSNBC panel—Reid, Maddow, Chris Hayes, Lawrence O’Donnell, and Nicolle Wallace—oscillated between analysis, weighty reflection, and, well, schadenfreude. O’Donnell mused, was the “strawberry” hair color listed in the booking information Trump’s own description? Maddow cast a cheeky glance to her colleagues when she read his listed height: “six-foot-three.” Then came Trump’s weight—listed as 215 pounds—sending the table into hysterics.
MSNBC’s talking heads had been given the license to have a little fun. Even when Maddow and others were reflecting on the sheer weightiness of this newscycle—that even a former president can be held accountable under the criminal justice system—a viewer could tell: This panel was relishing every part of it. And, it seems, the viewers are relishing in it all too.
MSNBC has emerged as the network of choice for viewers looking for coverage of Trump’s criminal charges. The timing of Trump’s arrest in Georgia—Thursday night—didn’t correspond with Maddow’s regular Monday slot, but the network brought her on anyway; it was an evening ripe for the heavy hitters, after all. The tactic seems to be working. The network has seen a bump in ratings recently, reportedly beating Fox News in prime-time ratings for a full week in early June amid coverage of Trump’s second indictment, on charges related to classified documents. The network continued to bear the fruits of Trump’s legal woes earlier this month, which has been MSNBC’s most-watched in more than two years. When Trump was indicted for the fourth time, over his efforts to overturn the 2020 election results in Georgia, MSNBC prevailed over Fox News for the top three spots in the cable lineup, Forbes reported, citing Nielson data. More viewers turned to MSNBC from 9 p.m. through 3 a.m. than Fox News and CNN combined. Maddow’s 9 p.m. program, which happened to feature a previously scheduled interview with Hillary Clinton, drew 3.9 million viewers, and was the number one show across all of television, including broadcast. MSNBC beat Fox News in prime time again the next night. “While most of the country is experiencing some level of fatigue over Trump’s legal battles, MSNBC’s viewership has increased with each subsequent indictment,” Axios’s Sara Fischer noted.
https://www.vanityfair.com/news/2023/08/msnbc-ratings-trump-indictments
NEW LAW: If Hannity And Kilmeade Both Pants You The Same Week, You Have To Let Nikki Haley Beat You
Sorry, we don't make the rules, except that one.Tell us if you think this is fair:
If you are a Republican presidential candidate and you go on Fox News and lose a foreign policy debate to Brian Kilmeade;
And if you then go on Fox News and are forced to eat your own dick by Sean Hannity, again, on foreign policy;
And this all happens in the same space of seven days that started with Nikki Haley stuffing you in a locker and stealing your lunch money and squirting you with a Super Soaker right on your blue jeans and then getting all the other kids to call you PEE-vek Rama-SWAMPY;
Then you have to go to Nikki Haley’s house and offer to let her beat the shit out of you a second time, just for fun.
Sorry, we don’t make the rules, just kidding, we made that rule.
https://www.wonkette.com/p/new-law-if-hannity-and-kilmeade-both
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