Ted ("Better fed than dead" Cruz is saying: "That's right, kids, this is a tree. And I want you to notice a couple things: One, money doesn't grow on it; Two, butterflies and birds grow on it; and Three, a government shut-down won't make any difference to it. Now let's go inside, and see pictures of industry, refineries, and the all money I'm going to save the government. . . . . Make sure you bring your crayons."

Alex ("Why do you think babies pretend not to know English? . . . They've got something up their sleeves, that's why!" Jones is saying: "Listen, it doesn't take an Einstein to figure this one out. . . . Obamacare is on the ropes so Our All Mighty Fuhrer decides to create the ultimate distraction. . . . Now what would that be? . . . A new terrorist attack? . . . Naw, they take too long for the C.I.A. to plan. . . . A hurricane that wipes out a major American city? . . . Naw, too messy. . . . How about the death of a beloved world leader! . . . That's the ticket! . . . So he has a couple of his thugs fly over to South Africa and snuff Nelson Mandela! . . . It's pillow time!. . . How obvious can you get? . . . I mean the guy had been around for like 95 years. . . . That's over 4,940 weeks or over 34,580 days. . . . He could have died literally thousands of other times, but we're expected to believe he dies of natural causes last week. . . . How stupid do they think we are?"


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A baseless CAPTION arising from nothing except an acquaintance of this spud's idiocy.

?6

Rand ("They just don't know how to inherit wealth. . . . Is that our fault?" Paul is saying: "If you extend unemployment insurance you are devastating the very people you're trying to help. . . . It's another case of governmental blindness. . . . If you give the unemployed more money during this time of year, they'll just spend it on food and shelter. . . . Did you ever notice how mice and rats try to sneak into our houses and garages in the winter? . . . Sure you have. . . . . And they get trapped or poisoned and die terrible deaths. . . . Wouldn't it be far better if they stayed outside and tried to build warmer and drier mouse dens and nests? . . . Sure it would! . . . Well, . . . ."





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The above CAPTION Is loosely based on the following Huffington Post story:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/12/08/rand-paul-unemployment-benefits_n_4408046.html

Rick ("Ma, the other kids are teasing me again" Santorum is saying: "Well, Chris, I think Nelson Mandela's death has something very important to say to conservatives. . . . Mandela devoted his life and even sacrificed twenty-seven years of his prime to fight a gross injustice that perpetuated horrendous conditions on millions of his fellow countryman. . . . It wasn't the holocaust, but it was damned near. . . . L:ikewise, courageous conservatives today are fighting Obamacare with all their might, even willing to stake their political careers on its repeal. . . . Again, it's not quite genocide, but. . . . "





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The above CAPTION is based upon the following DU story from Huffington Post:

http://www.democraticunderground.com/10024141284

Again, these jokers are satirizing themselves. His actual sentiments only needed tweaked.

Ted (The Lost Stooge) Nugent is saying: "Here's the deal. . . . As a board member I will do everything in my power to get the NRA to close the gun-show loophole on gun sales, and all I ask in return is that you close the federal voting loophole, which allows individuals who do not pay federal income tax to vote. . . . Sounds damn fair to me! . . . How could you possibly turn that down???"






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The above CAPTION is closely based on the following Media Matters story:

http://mediamatters.org/blog/2013/12/05/ted-nugents-presidential-pitch-disenfranchise-t/197167

These jokers satirize themselves.

Dick (So tight every time he farts only the dogs can hear) Cheney is saying, "Well, Richard, I still say Nelson Mandela was a reprehensible individual. . . . Oh he tried to act like a decent human being by manipulating his public image, he even pretended to care about ideas other than his own self-interest, like he pretended to care about the little people and their pathetic plight, but underneath he was a malignant tumor, a cancer on the history of his time. . . . It's hard to believe God would tolerate such individuals even in a horribly flawed world!"



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The above CAPTION is very loosely based on the following Huffington Post story:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/12/05/dick-cheney-nelson-mandela-terrorist_n_4394071.html

Matt ("I get my opinions from the ooze seeping from a landfill in South Jersey" is saying: "I'm just saying that the timing is at least a little bit suspicious, as though someone is trying to distract us from the tragedy that is Obamacare. . . . We find out the HealthCare.gov has major problems, and Obama makes a bogus deal with Iran. . . . We discover that you can't keep your own health care plan or even doctor with Obamacare, and Paul Walker (an excellent driver by the way) dies in a fiery car crash. . . . We find out that some people who thought they signed up for Obamacare aren't signed up at all, and Nelson Mandela suddenly dies. . . . All I'm saying is that the coincidence is a getting bit hard to swallow!"





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The above CAPTION is based on nothing but the right wing's animus toward Obama.

Rush (On the Excrement in Broadcasting System) Limbaugh is saying: "Listen, . . . here's the bottom line. . . . I mean if anybody's wondering. . . . You only have to ask yourself one question: . . . Who is obviously better at knowing what's on God's mind? . . . Me or the Pope? . . . End of story! "


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The above CAPTION is loosely based on the following Media Matters story:

http://mediamatters.org/video/2013/11/27/rush-lashes-out-at-the-pope-over-critique-of-in/197083

Judge ("I need to take out another mortgage on my soul" Napolitano is saying: "I have just one question for you and all our viewers, Stuart, and I ask this with all due respect: Just who gave the Pope moral authority to talk about economic disparity, poverty, suffering, and the inequalities presumptively due to an economic system? . . . Most people have to earn their credibility and respect, they have to be selected by the system, like here at Fox. . . . Just who selected this Pope, anyway?"




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The above CAPTION is somewhat based on the following Media Matters story:

http://mediamatters.org/video/2013/12/03/foxs-varney-attacks-pope-francis-comments-on-in/197108

Steve ("Playing it straight every crooked day of the week" Doocy is saying, "Well, guys, I know this will be hard to believe, but I tried to get onto the Obamacare web-site five times in the past day but all I found were sites for terrorist porn, murder of the unborn, jihadi religious cleansing, euthanasia holidays, and a one for a bestiality theme park. . . . I told you it would be hard to believe!"