Bernie ("God wouldn't have given us lies if He didn't mean for us to use them" ) Goldberg is saying: "Why Bill, under this law preventing such racial background checks, I could sue the NBA for not hiring me as a star forward, or movie studios for not making me a leading man, or the lottery for not awarding me ten billion bucks!!! . . . Would you believe it? . . . And how come no one brings this up on other networks??? . . . Makes you suspicious don't it?"



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Link to the real story on Media Matters:

http://mediamatters.org/blog/2013/06/19/fox-news-botches-civil-rights-law-to-defend-dis/194526

W.("Does anyone know what happened in My Pet Goat?" ) is saying: "We don't need new ideas. . . . In fact for me, the Republican Party has always been sort of a no-brainer"

"And I have to tell you, Chris, I've just figured out a way to stop prison rape and other violence both in local jails as well as state and federal penitentiaries: arm the prisoners!!! . . . Let them carry concealed weapons! . . . It's a simple as that. . . . Ol' Bruno will think twice about pulling some funny stuff with a little guy if Shorty could be packing! . . . Brilliant, right? . . . Why can nobody else think of such things?"

Dick, the Master of Murk, Cheney is saying, "And now, Chris, he has the gall to appoint Susan Rice who took what was apparently very bad information and peddled it as aggressively as she did. . . which most experts agree constitutes an almost traitorous, certainly a criminal, lack of attention or competence or both. . . . No one making errors like that, especially at that governmental level should go unpunished, especially in the light of the loss of four, brave American lives. . . . And yet she's rewarded!"



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Here's the real story at Media Matters:

http://mediamatters.org/blog/2013/06/16/fox-news-sunday-revives-benghazi-conspiracy-cam/194481


(I should point out, the words "took what was apparently very bad information and peddled it as aggressively as she did" are from the actual interview near the end. How does one satirize an overt clown of self-deceit and professional liar?)

Head Wreck, never knowing nor caring to know intelligent caution, is saying: "The whistleblower has information which will change America more than all the wars in history, more than all plagues, and dustbowls, more than all the market crashes and Communist infiltrators, more than technology and sudden income level shift . . . His information could likely reorder the elemental chart and change the very laws of physics. . . . Those critics of mine who say I'm given to wild exaggeration, will be crawling on their knees begging my forgiveness. . . . Why, . . ."



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Here's the actual story on Salon:

http://www.salon.com/2013/06/12/glenn_beck_has_news_that_will_rock_the_nation_change_everything/

Bill ("I'm always surprised and amazed at my brilliance" O'Reilly is saying: "Laura, you're right, but only half right as always. . . . Letting girls, regardless of age, have access to the abortion pill, 'Plan B' or whatever you call it, will not only result in an explosion of rapes and incest and pedophilia, a 'plague' I might say, . . . but because of its assault on moral standards, it will reinforce relativism which in turn will result in more bestiality, serial killing, terrorism and mass destruction. . . . People say I go overboard, but when the ship has hit a glacier and is going down . . . ? Let the viewers be the judge."


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The Media Matters actual story here:

http://mediamatters.org/video/2013/06/13/foxs-oreilly-plan-b-access-will-lead-to-stds-st/194467

Sarah ("Don't waste time trying to understand something when you can say something" ) Palin is saying: "Why I'm proud as poodles to be back on as a Fox contributor. Since I've been off, many people have come up to me and said Fox seems to lack gravitas. . . . Now I'll be back and I can bring some weight to the discussions, give solid historical perspectives, bring some real philosophy to the issues, and stuff like that."

Sean is saying: "The Democrats want to kill the Patriot Act, and outlaw methods such as data retrieval and mining. They can't wait to weaken the very fabric of their country!!"

Hannity saying: "The President through the NSA's illegal and clearly unconstitutional capture of data and subsequently using that data to severely compromise the language of our freedoms, our very Constitution of The United States of America!'

Sean is saying: "It's become clear to me suddenly, the very beliefs the Democrats hold dear are traitorous, pretending to call for privacy but wanting in the end only to hand us over to the terrorists!"

Hannity is saying: "Therefore, undermining our glorious Constitution and our very way of life with his traitorous belief of snooping in on every innocent American, he should not only be impeached but expelled from the human community!!!"



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Check out the actual story on Media Matters (in his own sweet words):


http://mediamatters.org/blog/2013/06/12/sean-hannity-on-nsa-surveillance-then-and-now/194437

Representative Trent Franks (R-Ariz.) is saying, "It's a well known scientific fact that women who are raped don't get pregnant as a rule. . . . I'm guessing only the ones who liked it become pregnant and then, of course, in a way it's their own fault."

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Here's a link to the real story on Huffington Post:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/06/12/trent-franks-rape-pregnancy_n_3428846.html

Representative Peter ("I'll get 'em" King is saying: "I'll go further than that, Sean. Not only should reporters be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law for publishing classified information, but their readers for having received it and thus having unauthorized knowledge of classified information. . . . Further, since the newspaper's editors and publishers were felicitators (in court we'll refer to them as 'accomplices'), not to mention their employees in the print shop. . . ."


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A link to the actual story on Huffington Post:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/06/11/peter-king-reporters-prosecuted_n_3424541.html