Rod ("What keeps screaming silently in the middle of my head?" Wheeler is saying: "You bet, Peter, the rioters in Ferguson are people who voted for Obama. And what's more, when you read between the lines, these riots have been organized and planned by Obama all along by keeping these communities in poverty and ignorance and then stirring up their anger against decent society. . . . And he did this for one reason and one reason alone: more voters!!!! . . . It's logical, don't you see? . . . More looters, more voters! . . . Anyone should be able to see that."





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Above CAPTION loosely based on the following Media Matters story:

http://mediamatters.org/video/2014/08/12/fox-news-rod-wheeler-rioters-in-missouri-are-th/200390

Tucker ("I never met a thought I couldn't take a wizz on" Carlson is saying: "Well, Elizabeth, the actual truth is that there are too few gun deaths in America compared to everything else! . . . Statistics show that in 2011, there were only 32,163 gun deaths in America which was a few hundred shy of the 32,479 automobile deaths, whereas heart disease, cancer and diseases account for tens of thousands more. . . . Bottom line: gun deaths count for less than 19% of all the deaths in America! . . . . Now if more households would keep loaded guns lying around, especially when they invite the neighborhood kids in for an impromptu party, why . . ."

Sarah (The Logician's Apprentice) Palin is saying: "Well, I'll tell ya, things just keep getting weirder and weirder. . . . For one, I don't know why Elizabeth Warren is so upset about a minimum wage for fast-food workers like she said in her speech. . . . Whatever happened to Save the Whales? Or Stop Nuclear War? . . . How does raising the minimum wage save a single whale's life or keep one nuclear weapon from dropping? . . . Huh? . . . It just doesn't make sense. . . . And she had a big audience!!! . . . Why would anyone ever listen to someone who talks crazy all the time? . . . That's what Id like to know."



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Above CAPTION based on the rambling drunkenness of her Warren observations in the following Media Matters story:

http://www.democraticunderground.com/1017208458

Ted (the-human-anal-plug) Nugent is saying: "Listen, first they invite me to come and speak in Toledo and then I do (brilliantly I might add), and now they got the nerve to print letters to the editor complaining that I came. . . . Here's your 'freedom of the press!!' . . . Suck on this!!!"




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Above CAPTION based on the following Media Matters story:


http://mediamatters.org/blog/2014/08/10/how-ted-nugent-repaid-the-newspaper-that-hosted/200378

Erick (the-human-stump) Erickson is saying: "Hypocrisy? . . . Hypocrisy? . . . I know hypocrisy, Bill, but this tops them all! . . . The fa- . . ., I mean the homosexuals, the so-called 'gays' (although they never seemed that happy to me, or very pleasant even), . . . well these homosexuals with their radical gay agenda are trying to marginalize Christians, just because we want to wipe them off the face of God's green earth!!! . . . Have you ever heard of such duplicity Bill? . . . Ah, Bill . . .?"



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Above CAPTION rather closely based (I'm ashamed for our species to admit it) on the following Media Matters story:

http://mediamatters.org/blog/2014/08/08/foxs-erick-erickson-countries-with-marriage-equ/200366

Michelle ("Why is everyone walking away?" Bachmann is saying: "Well, Sean, I'd say they're absolutely right when they say that it was the Democrats who, for fund raising purposes, first said the Republicans wanted to impeach the president, . . . plus to trick us. . . . We weren't even talking about impeachment, . . . but now when we respond (accurately I might add) that we haven't been talking about it, Obama says, 'Ah hah! You see, you are talking about it. . . . You said the word!' . . . Like on the schoolyard! . . . Now it's my understanding that such a series of lies, this being the most recent example, can easily be considered 'high crimes and misdemeanors.'"

Forty years ago Richard ("Mom never really liked me" Nixon is saying: "My only error was making and keeping the tapes. . . . If it wouldn't have been for them, my enemies wouldn't have been able to make things up so easily, . . . for instance, they couldn't have heard all those things which weren't there . . . or read between the lines some crazy text that really came from inside their own heads, and things of that nature. . . . That should be clear as (expletive deleted) pie!"

Anthony ("I wonder who put the well in endowed?" Weiner is thinking: "Wow! This is the greatest idea I ever had . . . or anyone else for that matter. . . . Open up a restaurant in Queens. . . Like a tiny voice told me. . . But it also said I just got to always remember . . . repeat it to yourself over and over . . . . can't forget: Just wash your hands! . . . Wash your hands! . . Wash your hands!"





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Above CAPTION ever-so-finely based on the following Huffington Post story:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/08/08/anthony-weiner-restaurant_n_5660911.html

Tony ("I've not dreamt a single dream since I was 13" Perkins is saying: "Megyn, there's one single, simple reason the far-left-wing, arch liberal Southern Poverty Law Center labeled The Family Research Council an anti-gay hate group: . . . it's because they're an anti-Christian hate group!!! . . . At the Family Research Council we don't hate gays one bit. . . . We love all our fellow human beings. . . . In fact we only supported the Uganda law imposing the death penalty for homosexual conduct because it shows that country's Christian love of healthy and religiously strong communities filled with clean-minded citizens. . . . And then think of the homosexuals!!! . . . . Out of love, Uganda releases them from a life of sexual depravity and uncontrollable lusts. . . . No, we here at FRC love all our fellow beings, . . . as was commanded by Almighty God!



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Above CAPTION inspired by the following Media Matters story:

http://mediamatters.org/blog/2014/08/07/megyn-kellys-cozy-relationship-with-an-anti-gay/200341

Sean ("I never knew a dog who was smarter than me. Well, there was one . . . " Hannity is saying, "Listen, you simpleton, you mindless liberal, believing everything you read, especially everything that comes out of left-wing academic studies . . . 'Social science investigation,' my sweet ass!!!! . . . (Excuse my French.) . . . I don't have to 'prove there's significant in-person voter fraud,' for one simple reason, you twerp: Everybody knows it!!! . . . It's a common fact! . . . Why don't you logically prove to me the theory of gravity??? . . . Huh? . . . You can't do it can you, even though you know gravity's real and keeps us from flying off the earth and into outer space. . . , You liberals take the cake! . . . Don't they teach logic anymore in college?"