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skip fox

skip fox's Journal
skip fox's Journal
December 29, 2015

"Pardon my oral flatulance." . . . Please come CAPTION Donald Trump!!!

Donald ("My asshole's so tight, when I fart, only the dogs can hear it&quot Trump is saying: "F*ck the reporters and other losers who want to associate me only with White Supremacists, racists, neo-Nazis, skinheads, Klansmen, Hells Angels, Italian-American 'entrepreneurs' from uptown (talk about 'tough negotiators'!) , and violent felons. . . . I can't help it that they all support me, . . .that they find something attractive in what I have to say. . . . Hell, there are other groups that support me as well and nobody talks about them. . . . Like the Polka Society . . . I love the polka, by the way. From when I was in my crib, . . . but never mind. . . . Why does no one ever report on the Polka Society's support?"

December 28, 2015

In the I of the Beholder! . . . Please come CAPTION Donald Trump!!!!

Donald ("Heads, you lose. Tails, you still lose&quot Trump is saying: "Words like 'schlong' change meanings all the time. . . . Just to prove it to you guys, I'm not only going to clean it up, but I'm going to make it a great all-America word by naming a brand, under my label, of all-meat hotdogs: Schlongs! . . . People will forget all about the dirty meaning when discussing their favorites like 'I want my Schlong smothered under chili sauce between two billowy white buns,' or maybe they'll prefer the taste of West Palm Beach Schlong. . . . Yes, Trump's Schlong is bound to change the way America eats it. . . . And getting 'schlonged' will be like a civic duty."
December 28, 2015

"Even Christ had to bust a few heads!" . . . Please come CAPTION Ted Cruz and Gaylon Willey!!!

Ted ("I've even greased my shorts&quot Cruz is just about to say: "Gaylon, the man wants to know what God looks like when he talks to you in dreams."

Gaylon ("My grandfather wouldn't have anything to do with me&quot Willey will say: "He looks just like my father did when he used to get mad and beat the tar out of me then lock me in the closet for weeks at a time, naked and covered in whatever syrup and sugar and flour he would grab in the kitchen, until I'd be screaming for his forgiveness and crying for days. . . . You bet, Ted, I thank the Lord everyday for a healthy, God-fearing up-bringing!"

Ted ("Praise the Polls&quot Cruz will follow up: "The kind of upbringing I'll make standard again, if I'm elected President! . . . . A Spiritually and mentally healthy nation will be a top priority of my administration. . . . Wait til you see my standards"
December 27, 2015

"Your wife fantasizes about me, spud!" . . . Please come CAPTION Donald Trump!!!

Donald ("Everyone else should die of envy&quot Trump is saying: "I'll tell you how I know I can't go too far, as the liberals and losers keep saying I'm about to do. . . . Well, it hasn't happened so far, has it Anderson, and I'll tell you why: I know how to connect with the average guy. . . . For instance, when I tell him his wife fantasizes about me, and wants me to make sweet billionaire love to her all night long (and believe me I can take them to places they have never dreamed about going!), it makes the guy feel connected to me. . . . It's like he's me for a second, . . . momentarily taking him out of his hopeless, pathetic, meaningless, little life. . . . That's why I can't go too far. . . . You'll see."
December 26, 2015

"Sorry, I left my conscience in my pocketbook." Please come CAPTION Fox's Andrea Tantaros!!!

Andrea ("Happiness is a warm gun&quot Tantaros is saying: "It is patently unfair that the NBA is sponsoring ads against gun violence! . . . End of question! . . . After all, who is sponsoring ads on the other side? . . . NOBODY!!! . . . All the American public want is to hear both sides! . . . Maybe someone is out there listening to us right now . . . "


Above CAPTION based on the following News Hounds story:

December 25, 2015

"Here's what I meant! . . . Merry Christmas DU!" Please come CAPTION Donald Trump!!

Donald ("Only bareback&quot Trump is saying: "And these pin-head reporters and commentators and so-called experts keep saying I've gone over the line and that my support will tank. . . . And guess what? . . . Each time it has gone up!!!! . . . Way up! . . . I can't say anything that can hurt me. . . . I mean, if I said women have about a third of the brain and half of a spine compared to men, my polls would sky-rocket. . . . Or if I said, my sperm-count is higher than a randy goat's on steroids, everyone would love me. . . . Or if I said that anyone who dares question me much less judge me is either an incontinent homosexual, a pimply-faced panty-sniffer, or terrorist-Communist, I'd win with 110 percent of the vote! . . . I can't do any wrong!!! . . . NONE!!! . . . Just watch."
December 25, 2015

It used to be a wonderful life. . . . Please come CAPTION Zuzu, America's daughter!!

Little Zuzu just finished saying "Teacher says, every time Donald Trump insults someone, or lies, or says something crude, God plucks an angel's wings."
December 25, 2015

"Hamilton still makes me hot!" . . . Please come CAPTION Mollie Hemingway on Fox!!!

Mollie ("Burr cheated!&quot Hemingway is saying: ". . . and the New York Times is super 'naughty' this year, Clayton, because of their front-page editorial against assault weapons. . . . Can you imagine???. . . How are we supposed to defend ourselves without assult weapons and scopes and hundred-round clips. . . . Hell, the name says it right there: 'assault' rifles, and as anyone knows, the best defense is an offence with some real fire-power!"


Above CAPTION Based on the following Crooks & Liars story with Fox clip:

December 24, 2015

"I've got boils can think better than Obama on his best day!" . . . Come CAPTION Doanld Trump!!!!


Donald ("No lie, no gain&quot Trump is saying: "Listen, Greta, this country has got a lot more to worry about than my 'potty-mouth,' as you so crudely put it. . . . They could elect a president who didn't know what he was talking about, or one whose ego was so large that he wouldn't listen to anyone's advice, or some schoolyard brawler, or a ridiculous braggart, or . . well, you get the point, Greta! . . . My mouth is the least of our worries."


Above CAPTION based on the following News Hounds story with a clip:

December 24, 2015

"Good thing Santa's packing!" . . . Please come CAPTION Fox's Erick Erickson!!!

Erick ("Ted Nugent would be a great Secretarty of State because of his gravitas.&quot Erickson is saying: "That's right, Bill. . . . Let's not forget what this season is all about . . . especially after San Bernardino: PROTECTION!!! . . . Therefore, an AK-47 would make a perfect gift, but a lot of other long-rifles as well as hand guns, urban scopes, Teflon vests, 100-round clips, armor-piercing bullets, laser-sights, bayonets, and phosphorous grenades will also bring joy to all the little girls and boys. . . . 'Tis the season to be strapped. . . . I mean if you go back to its original meaning."


Above CAPTION loosely based on the following News Hounds story with a clip:


Profile Information

Member since: 2002
Number of posts: 19,344

About skip fox

I am retired, now a professor emeritus at University of Louisiana at Lafayette, where I taught in the English department for 37 years. I've written 4 chapbooks and 5 full-sized books (all listed as poetry though many include other genres as well), including _Sheer Indefinite: Selected Poems, 1991-2012 (Univ. of New Orleans Press, 2012). I've also written a 500+ page bibliography of three contemporary poets: Robert Creeley, Ed Dorn, and Robert Duncan. I am writing now, both fiction and poetry, more now than ever. My first vote for President of the United States was for Dick Gregory in 1968 (Bowling Green, Ohio). Favorite quote: "It's easy to be an idealist if you don't have to mind the evidence, but no one said it was supposed to be easy" (Richard LaPauvre).

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