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Martin Eden

Martin Eden's Journal
Martin Eden's Journal
April 28, 2023

"the moral little thugs from your moral, upright families"

That subject title is a snip from a letter (posted in its entirety below) to the editor written by a Vermont mother twenty-three years ago. This powerful message from a mom who had finally had enough is just as potent today as it was then, and just as (if not more) necessary.

This has been posted in DU several times over the years but some may not have seen it before, so here it is again:

Sharon Underwood’s letter

This editorial is from Sunday's Concord Monitor. Sunday, April 30, 2000


As the mother of a gay son, I've seen firsthand how cruel and misguided people can be. Many letters have been sent to the Valley News concerning the homosexual menace in Vermont. I am the mother of a gay son and I've taken enough from you good people. I'm tired of your foolish rhetoric about the "homosexual agenda" and your allegations that accepting homosexuality is the same thing as advocating sex with children. You are cruel and ignorant. You have been robbing me of the joys of motherhood ever since my children were tiny.

My firstborn son started suffering at the hands of the moral little thugs from your moral, upright families from the time he was in the first grade. He was physically and verbally abused from first grade straight through high school because he was perceived to be gay. He never professed to be gay or had any association with anything gay, but he had the misfortune not to walk or have gestures like the other boys. He was called "fag" incessantly, starting when he was 6.

In high school, while your children were doing what kids that age should be doing, mine labored over a suicide note, drafting and redrafting it to be sure his family knew how much he loved them. My sobbing 17-year-old tore the heart out of me as he choked out that he just couldn't bear to continue living any longer, that he didn't want to be gay and that he couldn't face a life without dignity.

You have the audacity to talk about protecting families and children from the homosexual menace, while you yourselves tear apart families and drive children to despair. I don't know why my son is gay, but I do know that God didn't put him, and millions like him, on this Earth to give you someone to abuse. God gave you brains so that you could think, and it's about time you started doing that.

At the core of all your misguided beliefs is the belief that this could never happen to you, that there is some kind of subculture out there that people have chosen to join. The fact is that if it can happen to my family, it can happen to yours, and you won't get to choose. Whether it is genetic I don't know. I can only tell you that it is inborn.

If you want to tout your own morality, you'd best come up with something more substantive than your heterosexuality. You did nothing to earn it; it was given to you. If you disagree, I would be interested in hearing your story, because my own heterosexuality was a blessing I received with no effort whatsoever on my part. It is so woven into the very soul of me that nothing could ever change it. For those of you who reduce sexual orientation to a simple choice, a character issue, a bad habit or something that can be changed by a 10-step program, I'm puzzled. Are you saying that your own sexual orientation is nothing more than something you have chosen, that you could change it at will? If that's not the case, then why would you suggest that someone else can?

A popular theme in your letters is that Vermont has been infiltrated by outsiders. Both sides of my family have lived in Vermont for generations. I am heart and soul a Vermonter, so I'll thank you to stop saying that you are speaking for "true Vermonters."

You invoke the memory of the brave people who have fought on the battlefield for this great country, saying that they didn't give their lives so that the "homosexual agenda" could tear down the principles they died defending. My 83-year-old father fought in some of the most horrific battles of World War II, was wounded and awarded the Purple Heart. He shakes his head in sadness at the life his grandson has had to live. He says he fought alongside homosexuals in those battles, that they did their part and bothered no one. One of his best friends in the service was gay, and he never knew it until the end, and when he did find out, it mattered not at all. That wasn't the measure of the man.

You religious folk just can't bear the thought that as my son emerges from the hell that was his childhood he might like to find a lifelong companion and have a measure of happiness. It offends your sensibilities that he should request the right to visit that companion in the hospital, to make medical decisions for him or to benefit from tax laws governing inheritance.

How dare he? you say. These outrageous requests would threaten the very existence of your family, would undermine the sanctity of marriage. You use religion to abdicate your responsibility to be thinking human beings. There are vast numbers of religious people who find your attitudes repugnant. God is not for the privileged majority, and God knows my son has committed no sin.

The deep-thinking author of a letter to the April 12 Valley News who lectures about homosexual sin and tells us about "those of us who have been blessed with the benefits of a religious upbringing" asks: "Whatever happened to the idea of striving… to be better human beings than we are?"

Indeed, sir, what ever happened to that?
April 22, 2023

"I don't see any meaningful advantage to insulting them"

Amen, Brother.

I would take that a step further to declare (in my own personal opinion) there is no advantage to insulting the die hard MAGA folks among us. I'm not saying to validate their opinions, or even to turn the other cheek. I'm saying there is no advantage, socially or politically, to making an angry person even angrier -- to hardening their resolve in opposing everything we stand for.

Let us not cast poison into the river.

We may never change their minds, but I believe a simple approach accruing to everyone's advantage in dealing with other human beings is contained within a two word guide for personal behavior: Be Kind.

We probably have not walked a mile, or even a few steps, in their shoes. One of the greatest moral heroes in American literature, Atticus Finch, understood this well.

I also believe in a fairly simple and effective strategy in any potentially contentious discussion: find common ground.

Whether the vast majority of American citizens can see it or not, our common interests far outweigh any perceived zero sum game. Nearly all of us want security for ourselves and our family; good education and opportunities; fair pay for a fair day's work; freedom to pursue our dreams; medical care that does not ruin us financially.

The American Dream can only be achieved if we recognize our shared goals and have civil discussions in the realm of ideas with agreed upon facts. That last item could be the most difficult. The river is filled with the toxin of lies.

But lies are not the only poison. In the long run Mother Earth has a way of cleansing itself and purifying the waters, but that run will take much longer if each of us do not choose to refrain from casting toxins into the river from which we all drink.


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