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Mr. Scorpio

Mr. Scorpio's Journal
Mr. Scorpio's Journal
January 10, 2014

Newly discovered medieval art from the failed Giant Snail Invasion of 1064


The rare depiction of an Anglo-Saxon soldier battling a giant French snail

Two famed British art historians, Simon Symington-Shufflebottom and Giles Twickworthy Hight-Beazley, have announced the discovery of an only surviving painting, depicting the little known 2nd of June 1064 Giant Snail Invasion of England. The failed invasion, near what is now known as the city of Liverpool by the Duke of Breton, Mollusceur the Third, was remarkable for it's poor location. Ironically, this area was also known for its close proximity to the ancient salt mines of Cheshire.

The defeat of Duke Mollosceur's giant snail legions by the Anglo-Saxon Prince, Gerald the Salty, second cousin twice removed to Edward the Confessor, happened at what the Bretons called the Battle of Escargot Le Grand. After Prince Gerald's forces spread piles of newly mined rock salt before the advance of Molloscuer's troops, the halted invasion force was set upon by a battalion of ravenous infantry, who were also in a fit of irony named, "The Snail Eaters."

The harrowing battle lasted one day and was described as quite appetizing, as local wines and giant pots of cooked vegetables were all carried in haste to the battlefield on the backs of fair maidens. Gerald's Snail Eaters were also remarkable for their part in the defeat of King Bovinus of Norway at the 1065 Battle of Cows near present-day Scarborough. From that point on, the battalion changed their name to the more familiar title of "The Beefeaters."

Overshadowed by the success of the second 11th Century Norman invasion by William the Conqueror, Mollosceur's debacle was thought to have been completely excised from all historical records. That was until the rare book sized painting was found buried in a medieval tomb near Ffynnongroyw, Wales, uncovered by construction workers who were building a new Hooters franchise restaurant.

Symington-Shufflebottom and Twickworthy Hight-Beazley announced that the painting is to be displayed in the Sainsbury Wing Exhibition of the National Gallery, beside other rare artworks and artifacts from such little remembered periods of British history, as the Unfortunate Harpsichord Migration of 1788 and Prince Edward's collection of passed gallstones.
January 10, 2014

Gimme some sugar…

January 10, 2014

Too-too Smooth...

January 9, 2014

Chicago Police Misconduct Lawsuit: Claim Authorities Robbed Apartment And Illegally Detained Them

Chicago Police Misconduct Lawsuit: Brandy Allen And Nicholas Timmons Claim Authorities Robbed Apartment And Illegally Detained Them

By Howard Koplowitz
on January 02 2014 4:28 PM

A Chicago-area couple is suing local law enforcement agencies, saying officers ransacked their apartment and car looking for drugs but instead stole thousands of dollars’ worth of items.

Brandy Allen and Nicholas Timmons, a couple living together in North Chicago, Ill., filed a federal suit late last month against Lake County Metropolitan Enforcement Group, a Lake County MEG officer, “unknown agents” of the group and “unknown police officers,” charging they were unlawfully detained and had been robbed by the officers while they were being interrogated, according to court records.

On July 24, as the couple left their apartment to go grocery shopping, their vehicle was pulled over by four officers who were “clad in fatigues and bulletproof vests” and “jumped out of an unmarked SUV” with assault rifles, according to the suit. The couple was ordered out of their van, and when Timmons asked an officer for a reason for the stop, he was allegedly told, “you know what it is for mother f-----.”

Timmons was handcuffed and searched as officers demanded he tell them where drugs and guns were in the car, but he said he had no information about drugs or guns.

http://www.ibtimes.com/chicago-police-misconduct-lawsuit-brandy-allen-nicholas-timmons-claim-authorities-robbed-apartment
January 9, 2014

The Orangutan and the Hound

January 9, 2014

Fetch...

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