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Gender: Female
Hometown: New England
Member since: 2002
Number of posts: 72,324

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I'm struggling with my bulimia, just told hubby that and he laid his go-to reply about self-control and willpower on me. Then, when I tried to explain the real root cause is low self esteem he shut me down by acting like I shut him down because I never listen to him. What-the-fuck-ever!! He won't see my therapist with me or go to a Smart Family & Friends meeting because this is my problem, albeit one that causes trouble for the family.

It's not like he doesn't love me. He adores me. He's just an unempathetic bootstrapper who wants me to follow his advice on fixing myself. I'm going to keep trying to dial back the self-defensiveness and calmly explain what I need from him.

Had a good talk. He's still struggling but open to the idea of approaching my binge urges with love and reassurance. And yay, me. I stayed out of the food while waiting for halftime so we could wrap things up!

Any time I smell patchouli, my mom is with me again. I keep some next to me when I paint so we can

share that time together, at least as an echo of what might have been. Now I need to find some British Sterling aftershave. That would be so comforting on those days when I really need Dad's presence and wisdom.

17 and 12 years without them, and some days I still bawl like a baby....

One of the few silver linings was asking for this group to be created, and knowing my mom was the catalyst who allowed others to seek comfort here.

New studio lighting, plus some paintings.

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