undergroundpanther
undergroundpanther's JournalWhy a true democratic culture cannot exist in a profit based society.
Spring-boarding off my previous thread
Do we really need a money system...
http://www.democraticunderground.com/10022920665
Why is it civilizations like the one we are in now, with profit driven abuse the puritan work ethic ,life exploiting ways are hostile to democratic free, stable, non-hierarchical sharing mutually cooperative,democratic communities?
It is simple,a culture like what we live in now cannot stand to have a free society that desires not to constantly grow, that's democratic,non hierarchical,non-exploitative,non- competitive within it.Because a life spent producing more past the point of need for profit's sake is not true freedom.
We do not need to work 8 hour days.But we are taught we have to and the money token system is rigged so you never really feel secure enough to rest or defy the bosses above and take your time back. Workers for too long forgot solidarity so workers are individuals with even less power so they have been taught,so keeping your head down and nose to the grindstone going from work to store to home and getting up at 5 am to do it all over again has become normal 'life'. Why do we work to pay to exist?
A tribal person would call you crazy. Ever notice wages keep up with costs even though tons of food is wasted tons of unsellable but usable and new things are destroyed because they could not be sold at a profit. Yet the lower working and middle classes are kept one paycheck from financial ruin,one accident,illness or bad move can wipe you out financially?Why is that?
http://www.globalresearch.ca/american-dream-food-loaded-into-dumpsters-while-hundreds-of-hungry-americans-restrained-by-police/5329966
http://www.pslweb.org/liberationnews/news/food-and-capitalism-a-crisis.html
Because the upper classes want you insecure and wanting to buy to exploit your labor and use up the days of your life so they can have everything and live in freedom from everything that would restrain them including the need to cooperate with others or care about others well being,for they are very manipulative psychopaths.. in a cooperative, educated,emotionally mature, democratic mutually sustainable culture that has outgrown beliefs like money they would not survive.They would be treated as a threat to the community,and thus would be exiled from it.
The people on the profit making work based hierarchical side fighting to survive,playing games,exploiting everything, toiling for profits enough to survive will abandon the sick culture for what they yearn all their lives for but can't quite see yet for it is in their secret hearts,suppressed out of awareness,for to taste it,see it right next to this exploitation culture and the money system the real freedom vs what they have lost to empire would be too much for the empire run people to bear emotionally,because they'd have to face how much chasing dollars has taken from them..they'd abandon this culture and the takers who made it all up who never give or share.That all your life you build the pyramids for those who profit off you..
http://dictionary.reverso.net/english-cobuild/exploitation%20of%20labor
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/04/09/suntrust-evicts-supermarket_n_3045954.html
The same as ...In the 1730s, a committee of the Boston town meeting spoke out for Bostonians in debt, who wanted paper money issued to make it easier to pay off their debts to the merchant elite. They did not want, they declared, to "have our Bread and Water measured out to Us by those who Riot in Luxury & Wantonness on Our Sweat & Toil. ..."
snip
... What if these different despised groups-the Indians, the slaves, the poor whites-should combine? Even before there were so many blacks, in the seventeenth century, there was, as Abbot Smith puts it, "a lively fear that servants would join with Negroes or Indians to overcome the small number of masters."
Snip
Why was This?
When profit driven culture like the one we live in now ...
were compared to:
A secure place to exist,and a DEMOCRATIC loving community to support and be supported by, a society not built on profit making,exploiting ,labor use,public relations(manipulations)hierarchy that is without the excuses for bullies and abuse,competition to exist.
A society like that right above would make this current society we have now come up empty.
Why did white soldiers with all the technology and stuff of the day,defect to Indian tribes? And Indians didn't run to whites and all their advanced technology and such?
... One fact disturbed: whites would run off to join Indian tribes, or would be captured in battle and brought up among the Indians, and when this happened the whites, given a chance to leave, chose to stay in the Indian culture, Indians, having the choice, almost never decided to join the whites.
http://www.historyisaweapon.com/defcon1/zinnvil3.html
http://www.cracked.com/article_19864_6-ridiculous-lies-you-believe-about-founding-america_p2.html
This kind of society isn't a fantasy it is simply forgotten.It has been abused out of us. And it is not allowed to exist and flourish in this kind of culture we live in now lest people abandon the takers and the takers are left with no way to control dominate and harness the people and overwork them for selfish luxuries of the 1% anymore thus rendering them simply as ill tempered selfish people
A society without money is a knee jerk, called a fantasy to those in the profit system's mindset because they are still in love with money,the exploited basically love their chains and stuff planned to become obsolete ,shopping,still they play the power games,hoping to 'win big'..they can't let themselves imagine a life without these twisted mentalities .
BUT..If a place of true democracy,a culture mutual cooperation,mutual well being and security a society that was sustainable, didn't exploit your labors,that had no use for profits, that cared about your well being and you cared about the well being of people sharing in your culture, and where you had time to live your own life was to exist and flourish alongside this culture of slavery,abuse and the profit system forcing us to compete beyond our natural ethical limits...
This culture we have now, would lose.
Our current culture is built upon abuse,the puritan work ethic of exploitation replete with reward and punishment for not obeying the demands of those 'above' you and you seeking to be just like those above you.You buy the lies they sell,and live accordingly to those lies,your consumer confidence swells the top 1% with wealth extorted.
I think once people get the courage to look past beliefs instilled in them from cradle to grave(career day in 3rd grade ugh.) and the fear of disobeying the 'empire' anyone would abandon the empire mindset we live in currently that colonizes you to the point there is no you left when you are too old to be used.
Who would want to slave for a master who exploits them down to their very soul and gives nothing back,but enough to "motivate" someone do something he hates for the rest of their days until they are used up,injured or too old to do the job??Keeping prices and wages just so,that people cannot afford to say NO.
That is empire's dirty secret.It cannot have anyone living free in a mutually secure,sharing sustainable community within it,for it exposes to us all what a fucking abusive lie this entire money belief is and those who have it all are seen for what they are selfish greedy parasites that will do anything for power.Who wants to serve that which takes and never shares and never cares? Empire would die out so fast it would be over practically over night and the opulent parasites on top would have no power without people to abuse and dominate,the 1% would realize how powerless they really are. Power over would be reduced an empty sound as is always has been. This is why our country has wiped the tribes originally here out,to make us forget what our true way of life was like before we got "over-productive" and learned to love our chains and to pursue the god of the empire,money.
So they killed off tribal people and still try even harder to kill tribal culture.
Our natural cooperation has been exploited and twisted
http://www.preservearticles.com/201102224113/what-is-the-importance-of-cooperation-in-the-processes-of-social-interaction.html
Our natural democratic ways stolen
http://www.globalanimal.org/2012/11/01/fish-agree-majority-rules/84494/
Our natural inheritance stolen
http://www.ranprieur.com/readings/jensenbox.html
Our very lives stolen
http://www.historyisaweapon.com/defcon1/zinnvil3.html
"We can still walk away from the pyramid."
Daniel Quinn
We DON'T have to abuse each other to live.
do we really need a money system?
I'm gonna say this,and I know some will think I'm crazy, but all I ask of you, is to try to look beyond this money system and into another way of being..
I think the world doesn't even need a monetary system .
And I think it would be far better off without one. really.
No need for money no need for the evil that comes from it.
Every single human being on the planet has a job to do,what gives the person joy,what fascinates him,what makes him curious or what he likes to build invent design.. He does his job and is compensated with every comfort man has made or will make in moderation. Humans like to make and create, think learn explore and invent it is in our nature.Man is entitled to what humankind creates together simply by being alive part of the human tribe, we all are entitled to all that humans manufacture design and create together. Some may produce more than others,regardless there is enough for all.Look at all the things that go to waste because not enough profit can be made off it.
If there was no need for profit how much would go to waste?
I do what ever it is I do,in return I have a decent home car T.V. kids pets and time to enjoy all that is in my pursuit of moderate happiness. There is enough.
Without money no one gets rich and no one has power over and equality is realized.
I think the banksters are scared to death if we fell out of love with money,if we realized as long as we love money more than life we are stuck playing this insane rigged token game that allows exploiters of humankind to 'modify our behaviors' .We are taught to fear telling the truth when a corporation hurts people, we are taught that saying no to a bully boss is wrong ,treating others with kindness will make us vulnerable, or sharing means we have less for ourselves..etc.. Our lives are dominated ,used up playing a sick token game that needs not even exist for human beings to be able to exist together.I think the token money game hold us all hostage, our lives,dreams,morality, by the love of money.
Just a thought.
shit foam and exploding barns
When you hear about foam in the context of food, you might think of the culinary innovations of the Spanish chef Ferran Adrià, who's famous for dishes like apple caviar with banana foam.
But this post is about a much less appetizing kind of foam. You see, starting in about 2009, in the pits that capture manure under factory-scale hog farms, a gray, bubbly substance began appearing at the surface of the fecal soup. The problem is menacing: As manure breaks down, it emits toxic gases like hydrogen sulfide and flammable ones like methane, and trapping these noxious fumes under a layer of foam can lead to sudden, disastrous releases and even explosions.
http://www.motherjones.com/tom-philpott/2013/05/menace-manure-foam-still-haunting-huge-hog-farms
Check out this amazing 2011 video presentation on the matter by University of Minnesota researcher David Schmidt. He opens by describing a 2009 explosion that lifted a hog barn a "couple of feet off the ground" and blew the farm operator himself 20 feet from the building. (Thankfully, he wasn't injured, and there were no animals in it.) And check out the footage, starting about 3:19 in, of the foam itself, which must be seen to be believed. At one point , a shovel dips into the mire and scoops up as sample—which jiggles and pulsates, alive, apparently, with microbial activity. Schmidt also does a great job of explaining just how manure foam can cause explosions.
http://vimeo.com/22358091
EeeeEEW.ewww.BTW,that foam for all appearances really is alive full of who knows what bacteria and viruses are co-mingling in that mess exposed to people shoveling it for the camera,people who work there and open air...It looks to me the shit foam is like a giant virus/bacteria incubation medium.And is it any wonder we have strange conaviruses and sars like viruses...These factory farms need to go AWAY.
My mom...
is going back to Virginia tommorrow.
My sisters kept her on a very short leash while she was here.I was the one who asked her to visit and waited months from september to may for her to get here. During this visit I had maybe 15 minutes to talk to her in private,not near enough time to reach understanding. She never showed up for the meeting with my therapist her and I. Sisters wouldn't let her come.We had a meeting later with my therapist,counselor mom my sisters and I melted down. My sister wouldn't let her talk to me with my therapist alone. I feel so fucking cheated, I didn't get to spend much time with mom.She did not stay at the house with me at all. Now she's going back home and I have had no privacy alone to talk to her. This is not fair.Who gave my selfish controlling sisters control over who my mom sees?
THEY took it from my mom. I HATE them. There have been times she has been up here and I didn't get to see her at all.Just WTF do my sisters get from excluding me.Excluding me from my own future plans, with MY mom. My therapist and counselor were both shocked by how cruel selfish and bullying my sisters were.
But I miss my mom.I missed having time by myself with her.My sisters robbed me of the time I needed and I hate them for it,among million other things.
It hurts.
Isolation
it hurts to be transgender sometimes,to be genderless,because the world sees most everyone as gender,they don't know what to say when referring to a gender free person , especially out here,I feel like I'll never meet anyone who will want to know me on a deep level,who isn't being a perv for some kink crap or a fetishist,someone who isn't scared to risk a gender free partner,someone willing to share this lonely deep place with me,so it doesn't feel so cold anymore.I wish for 1 person who can share themselves with me and who want to know me too. Someone who can separate intimacy from sex, but is sexually intimate,tender,caring but that is not all they seek, they really seek the journey shared with another..The world is too fucked up to face alone, it hurts. Am I the only one who feels this way?
I'm scared and this sucks.
My mom is 86. she is not wheelchair bound,can hold a clear conversation,she's old but does not act like a typical old person of her age.
She has aged a bit more since last time I saw her around 2 maybe 3 years ago,but not as much as I expected. Anyway,I have been taking care of her house since she bought a very bad deal of another home in Virginia at the ignorant urging of mom's sister Loretta,her other two daughters and brother in law over 10 years ago.
I looked at the photos of the place, she wanted to buy on the computer realizing Loretta's house was in a flood prone area,you have to go two steps UP to get to the sidewalk and the house mom wanted to buy next to Loretta's house was situated even lower than Loretta's is.I pointed this out.I was ignored because nobody in my family will listen to me because I'm the crazy,next I warned her NOT to take an ARM(adjustable rate mortgage) loan.Again I got brushed off because I'm the crazy.
I felt like I was the only one who saw this disaster looming in the future both hers and possibly mine if she bought that place. Well she bought it without even personally visiting the home site.I told her to go to Virginia and look over the place, before she bought it in person ,again who cares what panther thinks he a loon.
Fast forward to about two years ago.My roommate Mike was informed they(my fuck hole family) wanted to sell this house,the one I am living in now. But I was not informed of this at all.. Never mind I took care of this house for a bit over ten years,and they want to sell from under me.One of my sisters is stingy and greedy,the other lets her asshole husband spend money too much, For example say,they need a new TV,instead of getting a regular average TV,he has to get the biggest best top-of-the line TV.
Thus my sister married to asshole woman hating sexually perverted idiot running a microscope repair business where money is come and go,has debt,and 2 kids one is doing fine in new york,the other has ADD and might have some other mental illness.Still lives with my sister and works. I hope whatever mental issues she has does not fuck up her life,and she won't be the new generations family scapegoat.
After being kicked out of alliance for doing a mural I was requested to do, it re-traumatized me.I had just walked into the room where the decision would happen and Mona Figueroa the mental health director of this county was chatting up the abusive director of alliance and just had lunch with her and she,would of course side with alliance even though evidence for staff misconduct was glaring.She'd brush off the fact the the peer I was permitted to have according to the bylaws was present and was kicked out for supporting me and the one openly gay staff member were shocked at the abuse I was dished at that meeting..
I was not aware of how bad it all traumatized me back then to be screamed at by a vicious staff members,kicked out,fight the unfair decision this bitch made by getting hold of the county mental health board,and realizing mona Figueroa was not a neutral arbitrator that she was supposed to be.
I saw she was in tight with this crazy director.I went to sarc during this time as they were abusing me. after that I spent six months holed up in here,depressed,I constantly cut pictures out of magazines,I have a big ass tubful. I called my mom the only person I thought I could trust, told her I was lonely, felt overwhelmed. Truth is I was kicked out of alliance so abruptly I didn't even have a chance to say goodbye to the huge number of friends I made at alliance. So my social network went kaput.
That whole thing at Alliance re- traumatized the crap out of me.During this time, I felt utterly abandoned,alone. My sisters never came by to visit or call. For some reason I had a very hard time motivating myself,but the house was maintained.They had no clue I was this messed up,and obviously my sisters didn't care or come over to find out. I had no therapy at the time right after being kicked out. But my mom,called my sisters apparently telling them what I was saying to her in what I thought was a private conversation.That is when the decision was made unknownst to me I was about to get screwed.
One day last summer my sisters whom NEVER bother to visit or talk to me by their own volition, mom usually makes them assist me or check on me..called me up early one morning saying they wanted to take me to Baltimore.
I had no clue why and why it had to be so early that DAY(I had about 20 minutes to get ready.(not easy if you have a reverse circadian rhythm) and we left.They drove to Hearts and Ears,a support group I was familiar with.Apparently they had arranged this whole group home thing behind my back,a group home visit to push me into a group home ASAP.
I had NO IDEA why they were doing all this.I was terrified.In the back of the car on my way to Baltimore groggy as hell,as my sisters talked to each other, ignoring my questions, like where are we going?(eventually I got the gist by overhearing them talk about checking out group homes to each other like I wasn't even there.)
So I got my pad out of my backpack I always carry, quickly wrote important questions to ask the group home directors, like,what's your medication policy?Are you christian run or funded by other sources if so what? Can you handle a transgendered person? Have you dealt with traumatized people,dissociation or multiples before?How long can I stay? Are you licensed or not? What kinds of clients do you help? Do you take in or have residents who have committed crimes,violent or not or any sex offenders ?Are you restrictive if I need my pain medication? Do clients steal? Any active addicts?how often is staff present.Is there a way to contact staff if I am in danger? Can I have pets,(2 cats and a Boa) ,How much will I pay to be there etc,etc.
By time we arrived I was furious and scared barely able to contain it. When I spoke to the staff,my sisters were pushing me so hard I couldn't even finish asking my questions(I had 20 total all were important to know)
I took the tour of the place.The place was rather dingy institutional looking claustrophobic,halls were very low ceiling and my shoulders nearly brushed the walls. The room was ok I wouldn't have a roommate because I am transgender,never got to see the main living areas, or meet the other clients to ask them questions... they showed me quickly through until I saw they had a porch with a few chairs.
On that porch I couldn't ignore this crap anymore I sharply told off my sisters for being so inconsiderate of me,pushing me ,trying to manipulate and not letting me finish my questions. I had no idea what part of the city this place was located,if it was a safe area or not,I sure didn't want to be standing in the middle of a gang war or the drug war.
I had no idea where or how I'd arrange therapy and continue treatment.I didn't want to leave the program who is the first one in my life to actually listen to me and respect me as a human being.I sure as hell didn't want to give up the best therapist I ever had..I don't want to leave my current therapist,she's actually helping me.I trust her.
Anyway I just roadblocked my sisters.I was not ready to get "put somewhere".
So we drove home and they both were very pissed I didn't just roll over and go there.There were talks of plans to look at other places,but it never happened.
Come summer I had a very bad roommate a psychopath asshole matt dick who put false charges against me trying to kick me out of the house so he could control my home. I fought that legal battle BY MYSELF and I won,despite his abusive behavior and the failure of the legal system first time around all the stress of the process sending me to the hospital.
(Note about this:I figured out what he was trying to do to me, Malicious roommates can try to claim domestic violence on a landlord renting a room in his own residence.Malicious roommate,attempts to get a restraining order,to keep landlord out of his own residence,and live there for free(since landlord cannot approach subject to collect rent) It is an abuse of the legal system and it's a scam,that can give a bad roommate control over your living space for free for 6 months,after that,they renew the order.)
After I FOUGHT that dispute and WON without help or any guidance from my family, It looks like for me,making a bum roommate decision, my family never forgives me apparently.
I am verboten from having roommates.Later the next year I would try roommates one more time, this lady was kind to me seemed responsible she FAKED it all for a year then after helping her out she thought she'd live here and she'd never pay rent and house her daughter here too. I got rid of both of them all by myself too.I can manage.They think I must be a perfect judge of character or I cannot manage. There is a lot of grey between those extremes,but for my family it's black or white.
Soon after that trauma was over with alliance and matt the next month my sister the greedy stingy one comes over and announces she is selling my moms house,mom like a fool gave her rights to sell this house.Because I was dealing with the law,my stupid friend called my mom and told her everything despite me telling her NOT to. When I found out I had two weeks to get out,and the waiting lists for housing here at minimum are 6 to 9 YEARS I flipped the fuck out.Not in front of the sisters of course. I was told to give up my cats my beloveds,and my sweet boa girl,and be packed up to vacate in 2 weeks. That was when the house would be auctioned off.
My sisters and greg the shit head and some of their buddies showed up one Saturday and plopped a big dumpster in the front yard and destroyed the yard to make it a blank lawn to sell,Down went my bonsai-trained like mimosa that arched beautifully over the driveway. Gone was the small trees and mulberry trees I got delicious fruit from every year. I wanted to cry,the animals made my yard a refuge,and even to this day I see no fox,not many rabbits,no owls no squirrels anymore.In this house I have things that are part of my dreams like casting equipment,tools and a treadle sewing machine that WORKS.I had despite my problems grew into this place in my own way. You live in a place you got abandoned in for ten years,learn to survive there,eventually you see the positive to it.
My grandmother left me a very cool antique wood stove that is both ornamental and functional it even has a cook top and isinglass windows to see the fire inside it. When my grandmother died she gave me that stove because we would sit by it as she told me stories and sometimes scary ones that had me laying awake all night.The stove is sentimental to me. and I a mcCoy antique vase. My sisters and my mom got a shit load more than I got.Same thing when we sold the house on plumtree was sold I got a framed print and a chair.
They got antiques furniture tools etc.
Mom told me to hand over the stove to my greedy sister on the pretense she'd clean it and condition it but it was still mine. I have a gut feeling my sister was GIVEN my stove,and I'll never see it again.
No one wants to hear how I'd make it here without enough credit to buy oil,(um mm,stove people) and a no mow moss lawn and the solar panel credit that could add a value of 20,000 bucks to this house,and I'm eligible to get it insanely cheap. Never mind mom while she's alive would get a check from BGE and a big tax break too,Never mind this house is on the homestead tax,a break this state just destroyed for people buying houses now,but I'd be grandfathered into it and pay mom's 1,000 and some change on tax for a single family home on 1/4 acre. Good roommates and adjustments to the budget I COULD live here .
Well anyway,I had two weeks to pack up EVERYTHING,over 10 years of life,here. While being scared of becoming homeless or put into a dangerous group home.My sisters assured me I wouldn't be homeless,that's like squeezing a scorpion in your hand on faith it won't sting you.They did not tell me where I'd be staying.That was scary.They had not considered me at all.
I begged my mom to take control of the house AWAY from my greedy stingy sister.
She did.The auction was called off.
I had made suicide plans in case they just kicked me out.
As of now my mom still wants to sell the place. I have tended to and was abandoned at,and have now learned to love, this house as my home. I always wanted to change the inside like rip up carpet but I never felt it was OK to do it,so I didn't. Now because she's 83 thinks or is convinced I can't take care of it(when greedy sister tried to auction it,the appraiser said it had MINOR cosmetic damage mainly loose tile in the bathroom,missing shutter and my art area has floor damage(even though when we tiled the basement.I made sure there were enough tiles to cover any that I would mess up doing art,I got us 2 free boxes of extra tiles)
I have tended this place of hers over ten years,through severe traumas of being kicked out of and traumatized by a day program called alliance for no genuine reason,through good and bad roommates, all it is is minor cosmetic damage. I went through a bunch of loser roommates and got rid of 'em too and for a few years a few roommates paid up on time,and michael my old friend has not cheesed on his rent..He's lived here over 5 years.
Yet my sisters and mom are convinced I cannot manage here.
After being kicked out of alliance for doing a mural I was requested to do, it re-traumatized me.I spent six months holed up in here,depressed,I constantly cut pictures out of magazines,I have a big ass tubful. During this time,my sisters never came by to visit or call. they had no clue I was this messed up,and I had no therapy. Eventually I got myself back into treatment.
I did get the best therapist I have ever had In-My Life! and a day program that treats me like a human being,freaky flavors salty talk and all.I don't want to leave this program,I don't want to leave here,I have made a life here,I feel safe here,I can scream and yell,build a bonfire,set off fireworks and walk my boa while the neighbors who now know me walk their dogs,and I run shop tools at 3 am. I can play with my poi.I can use the outdoor clothesline to tye dye and rinse it well in the top load washer.I can play my music LOUD. I can close the doors and curtains and nobody knows I'm in my room crying. I can watch anything on TV without nosy people looking in. I can have friends visit.No one complains about noises. and if mom keeps the lifetime rights to live here and the trust fund for big repairs she once had set up,for me...I would continue to be ok here,ups and downs but ok.. I learned to love this place,I had plans whom even my therapist thought were not only sane but innovative to cut the costs of living here.
but...no.
http://www.anh-usa.org/forbes-calls-for-re-institutionalizing-the-mentally-ill/
my mom and sisters after I got kicked out of alliance(I think the director and assistant directors were not only homophobic but hated the fact I am well versed in psychiatric rights and clients turned to me,instead of her.)schemed behind my back to
get me out of this house.They told my longtime friend and roommate years before they told me.
Dammit I want to stay here.
I wish I had 180,000 bucks so I could buy this place away from THEM.
On SSI your primary residence is not counted as an asset. But mom doesn't bother to research the laws or read the news about cuts and more cuts to mental health services the terrible things happening in group homes or to renters.
http://www.theatlanticcities.com/housing/2013/04/domestic-violence-survivors-who-call-cops-risk-eviction/5427/
http://www.nydailynews.com/new-york/court-order-find-homes-mentally-ill-adults-tossed-appeals-judges-article-1.1057584
Since I am the scapegoat of the family and the crazy they do not listen to me even if I am warning them of a dangerous situation,like not to buy a house on a flood plain with an arm loan to a woman who would have to be 100 yeas old to pay it off.
Greg the asshole is still the family financial whiz,he was gung ho about that POS mom got in Virginia. Even though I knew the housing crisis was coming,got my ex and I out of danger and sold that house with enough profit to pay off my ex's irresponsibly huge back taxes he owed.Nobody listens to the crazy freak with the 190 iq.who might Know something they don't, fuck.
I wish my family were not a bunch of chicken shits,greedy selfish and self absorbed to the point I feel they are hardly worth my time anymore.I tried to reach out,but often it went ignored.then I gave up. Now they want to take the house away. Mom with my sisters to help could contest the loan,the fraud perpetuated on her.But they'd rather ruin MY life instead.
Tuesday my mom is meeting with my therapist and I. She wanted my sisters to be there. I said hell no. I will talk to them in ANOTHER session.
I want mom to hear me,LISTEN my therapist can help her DO that.
Besides I hate cage match therapy sessions when it's three against one.I feel bullied in situations like that,so I'm not putting myself in that situation where I would feel like I was walking in a field of land-mines & triggers in clown shoes. Which if I got triggered would only cement that bad idea in their ignorant self absorbed little heads.
Where I feel they'd just run me over.Ignore me.
http://www.baltimoresun.com/explore/baltimorecounty/news/health/ph-ca-at-mental-health-housing-20111011,0,1849409.story
Mom thinks it's like long ago when housing was available,and group homes were safer(not). She does not remember the pervert staff,attempted rapes or the choke incident. I had stuff stolen, was physically,verbally,sexually assaulted by staff and clients and abused even back when mom thought I was safe there. Some of the 'acting out' was self defense or in defense of other vulnerable clients.
I'm terrified of the abuse that happens in these places, so much more now that many of them fly under the radar of law enforcement or state regulations and there are no ways for clients to find safety from staff or other residents..
In my area I found this out about a local group home by being friends with some clients living there. That group home is run by hardcore jesus freaks.They took away the medication the clients needed.They did this claiming jesus will heal them of their mental illness or physical problems like high blood pressure or diabetes..
A lot of those clients were in and out of the psych wards or got sick until I got pissed off they told me not to tell fearing they'd be kicked out.I told staff at my program about this privately and why clients had not said anything .I made them aware of the bullshit going on over there as the friend's I had who told me were going to my program too..
Both mom and my sisters have no clue how scarce low income housing really IS,
http://www.scu.edu/ethics/publications/iie/v2n1/nimby.html
and how risky,triggering and dangerous things ARE in group homes nowadays licensed or unlicensed.
http://www.miamiherald.com/2011/05/04/v-fullstory/2201715/at-homes-for-the-mentally-ill.html
http://www.capitalgazette.com/maryland_gazette/hot/group-home-at-center-of-glen-burnie-dispute-is-first/article_f9418958-2001-504d-8d61-703d9a7306e8.html
http://www.miamiherald.com/2011/05/04/v-fullstory/2201715/at-homes-for-the-mentally-ill.html
http://www.baltimoresun.com/news/bal-grouphomes-series,0,4522153.storygallery
Even in homes where my mom and sisters would deem good neighborhoods and nice and safe or had great staff and facilities.
http://articles.baltimoresun.com/2004-07-27/news/0407270163_1_group-homes-residents-mentally-disabled
http://www.treatmentadvocacycenter.org/about-us/our-blog/89-fl/1793-assisted-living-for-the-mentally-ill-care-or-a-crime
They are,whether they want to deny it or not, playing Russian roulette with my life and sanity.And I for one do not want to be used that way. But they give me no choices and I can't find other options.
I just want to stay here. I dunno of anyplace else I can go.I have busted tail looking but waits are YEARS sometimes DECADES long.Mom and my sisters think a social worker magically pull places to live out of their ass.
http://www.dailyherald.com/article/20121223/news/712239903/
So they'll demand, and be slapped in the face by reality.
One they thinks does not exist.
http://www.baltimoresun.com/explore/howard/news/ph-ho-cf-mental-health-housing-20111005,0,6893913.story
Either way I am fucked over. and I am scared to death of the future. I wonder will I ever have a chance to heal from all the shit in my life in a safe place before I die? Probably not. Another shit hit the fan moment is coming. I am so tired.I feel like I never had a chance in life to live between my mom,my fucked up family,bullies everywhere growing up bad psych treatment re-traumatizing me.
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/saving-normal/201303/prison-or-treatment-the-mentally-ill
I knew a person who left this place,and urged her to report what was going on there to police.
http://baltimore.cbslocal.com/2013/02/04/caregiver-arrested-for-abuseing-disabled-man-in-columbia-group-home
It's scary out there if you have a psych issue it really is.
http://www.pressherald.com/news/Shoot-Across-nation-a-grim-acceptance-when-mentally-ill-shot-down.html?pagenum=full
Thanks for being here,DU.
Imagine... no 'economy'.
Imagine if people shared,what they have,traded,and said fuck money,fuck the economy...and instead put each other as most important.
Imagine... I need help with a broken arm,A friend I know knows a doctor,I call said doctor,he needs plumbing help,I call my plumber friend to help the doctor,but plumber needs food I have chickens eggs ans tomatoes from my garden,I give some of my produce to the plumber,plumber helps doctor,doctor sets my arm.(NO money was needed).
Say,you need food,but you can build,you call up a person with a farm and help them as a farmhand awhile, fixing up a fence and when you are done you can feed yourself for a month and you have some home canned jelly too.
What if you needed a new pair of pants,you would call up an artist friend she likes to spin yarn,you offer to clean her house for enough yarn to make pants,then while you work she remembers the number of a lady who builds looms,you visit the loom lady,clean her house as she weaves your yarn into fabric,and you both end up talking about fabrics yarns patterns have a good time since you know how to sew you go home and sew yourself a nice pair of pants and made a new friend!.
Imagine you need sheets for your bed,a guy with an extra sheet set needs a pair of boots,you have a nearly new pair of boots that you don't use alot,but could fit him.You trade.
Imagine you have some dishes you don't need a few books,and a fake palm tree in a urn you take them to a "free store", which has the policy take something and leave something.You leave the stuff you don't need,but you find two items you need and one that would be nice to have,you take it and go home.(No money needed) No billionaire profits.
Imagine no economy,no profits,no one going without,no zero sum games,no imagining paper is anything but,paper.
why do we ignore our lonliness?
April 2, 2013 |
These days, when we pass a person on the street we usually don‘t say hello or even look them in the eye. In the city, we live in a world of strangers, the vast majority of whom we have very little to no personal relationship with whatsoever. Occasionally we may get into brief, interesting exchanges with the person behind the counter at the café or the grocery store, but these exchanges are predicated upon our purchase of something the shop is selling. This makes me wonder if such conversation is merely a byproduct of the capitalist machine in motion, a human byproduct of commerce whereby the exchange of cash sparks the expressive faculties while also providing an adequate social lubricant. While it is, of course, natural for human beings to talk and communicate with one another, unless we have a good excuse or reason to do so we seem to maintain our typical everyday stranger status with the entire general public surrounding us.
http://www.alternet.org/culture/why-are-we-all-ignoring-our-loneliness?paging=off
Let me make this SIMPLE
Reality is...
All men ARE potential rapists.
Why?
Because males have a penis that hardens to the point it can penetrate orifices, it's biological fact.. A penis can be used as a WEAPON. Any man that has a functioning penis potentally can decide in his own mind to use that penis as a weapon.Why because he CAN. Biologically any man can potentially be a rapist to anyone with an orifice that is penetrable.
If a person has been assaulted by a penis/weapon because a male decided to use it as a weapon they are scarred,for life and are very hyper vilagent to avoid another assault because rape traumatizes people.A symptom of trauma is hyper vilagence and it is a physical and psychological reaction to being traumatized..
If a man does not use his penis today as a weapon to invade another's orifice then today he's NOT a rapist..
Mind reading does not exist in real life. So any potential person possessing an orifice that can be penetrated by a penis/weapon is a potential rape victim.
Rape is always a CHOICE,a choice to use a penis as a weapon to destroy another person and soothe the ego through a power trip,because rape traumatizes and destroys a person..
So if you have a penis you are male,so all men by default biologically carry a weapon.
Rape is a CHOICE made in the mind of a penis owner to use that penis as a weapon and truth is no one can read minds.
Being unable to read another persons mind means we can never know exactly what they are thinking,or deciding.
So All men who have minds that cannot be read as accurately clearly and perfectly as their own mind by another person's mind, and a penis that can get hard enough to penetrate another's' orifices,could potentially be a rapist should he choose to be a rapist.
Rape because of biology is a choice that only Males can make.
And no one can read his mind to know if he is choosing to rape or not with 100% certainty.
I'm afraid of the world..
greedy corporations and arrogant leaders are bullies to most countries,I wish the american people would stop going along with the bullying corrupt and evil leaders and corporations,and let the CEO and politician face the consequences of their actions and decisions,personally.In other words the world hates us,and I hope these other countries are more with it than many americans are,and can separate the citizen from the monsters at the reigns of power,crime and profit in this country.
Yes in so many ways citizens are little Eichmann's,but at some point you have to get over it and stop going along, it has gotten so bad,so hard to organize others, in this fake atomized programmed engineered 'reality', that overlays an overwhelming tragic reality that is painful to look at we all co-created, so many have become stressed,mentally ill,sick, unable to live,unable to fight or don't know who the real enemies to their happiness are anymore ,overwhelmed,too obedient to authority,anxious,traumatized,too scared, unable to deal with the actual sad reality of what our lives have become because of the 1% that desire we live as we do.
Why so much misery,desolation,desperation,social awkwardness,isolation,abuse,escapism,addiction,silence and anxiety? Why do so many people in this country kill others or commit suicide? It's not because guns are all over the place,really.What is happening to the human heart,the soul the mind and body,the society we live within. WHY?
Maybe it's because the profit mongers secret keepers manipulators,social engineers,and all the participants ho make life so unreasonable who fail to ask what purpose their job serves,who benefits,who wants this study/program/tool/weapon and what for...?? Why this war, that war,why this economy type.(there are many other models for an economy without needing profit or accumulations of symbol-paper or credits to determine who gets what)..why do we tolerate this sadistic authoritarian modified token based economic society that has human beings living like an ant colony?T
Why tolerate the pollution making,the machines the 'ownership',the GMO's,the abuse,who does it benefit? Who does it hurt? and most of all why do we go along with this stupid painful deceptive travesty? Why do we not care enough for one another,why do we ignore and keep things compartmentalized,how long are we gonna play their games,by their rules,with our country, our lives our well being and the future,the animals and planet?
Some care a lot,some will never care, but somehow,love and trustworthiness is in such short supply.Why?What or whom made it like this? why do we tolrate intolerable people,intolerable lies ,intolerable machines,intolerable companies and social structures? And why do we keep going along with our own ruin and the planet's ruin.Is this short sighted imaginary zero-sum game(economies) and status/ pecking order bullshit so damn important? Really?
Profile Information
Gender: Do not displayHometown: Maryland
Home country: United States
Member since: 2003 before July 6th
Number of posts: 11,925