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The Velveteen Ocelot

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Gender: Do not display
Hometown: Minnesota
Member since: Sun Oct 26, 2003, 11:54 PM
Number of posts: 76,404

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How embarrassing.

"OK, Mr. President, here's how it works. See this card? This is Jimmy. Jimmy lives in America and he builds cars. This card here is a picture of the cars Jimmy builds. Jimmy would like to sell more cars, but some mean people in Germany send their hoity-toity cars, like the BMW on this next card, to America and sometimes people buy them instead of Jimmy's cars. Isn't that terrible?

So what you do, Mr. President, to make Jimmy happy, is put a tariff on those nasty German cars when those nasty Germans send them to America! Do you know what a tariff is? It's a kind of a tax that makes those cars more expensive, and then people would buy Jimmy's cars instead. Isn't that nice? Here's a picture of Angela Merkel. She looks sad because those tariffs make Americans buy fewer German cars.

What is mean, sad Angela going to do? Why, she gets together with her friends at the EU and they do tariffs on things they import from America! Here's a picture of a soybean. And here's a picture of natural gas. There's nothing on the card because you can't see natural gas. But now, because of these tariffs, America's soy beans and natural gas are more expensive and the Europe people won't buy them. Farmers in America - here is a picture of a farmer - will be sad even though Jimmy the car maker is happy."

"What are you going to do now? Here is a quiz. You have 10 minutes to answer the questions."

1. If there are more farmers than car manufacturers in America, will you lift the car tariffs? What if there are more car manufacturers than farmers?

2. If the car tariffs make Angela Merkel sad, will you keep them even if Ivanka wants to buy an Audi?

3. Do you think Russian cars should be included in the tariffs? Why or why not?

4. Would you consider funding technology that would make it possible to make cars out of soy beans?

5. Beans cause gas. Should soy beans be used to make natural gas?


"Time's up... Oh, didn't you answer any of them? Would you like to look at the cards again?"

Posted by The Velveteen Ocelot | Thu Jul 26, 2018, 07:52 PM (0 replies)

At the bottom of his damned and blasted soul he must be miserable

because he spends all his time and energy trying to make himself feel good. He doesn't seem to enjoy anything except maybe golf, and the reason he likes golf is probably because he owns the golf courses and can get away with cheating and driving on the greens when nobody else can. He doesn't have any other hobbies; he doesn't go to concerts or plays or art galleries or museums or sports events; he doesn't swim or hunt or fish or sail or hike or dance or sing or play an instrument or paint or garden or play with his son or grandkids or read for fun or just sit outside and look at the flowers and the clouds. He doesn't have fun. He doesn't have a pet. He doesn't seem to love anybody. His whole life is about trying to better than everybody else in all ways so as to impress the rest of the world. Because that's impossible he'll always be unhappy. I'd feel sorry for him if he weren't such a vicious, destructive asshole.
Posted by The Velveteen Ocelot | Tue Jul 17, 2018, 09:15 PM (1 replies)

They want to resist and obstruct your treason, you maggot.

Posted by The Velveteen Ocelot | Mon Jul 16, 2018, 10:27 AM (1 replies)
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