Is it Ideal?

~snip~

But it’s not just that, there is also the fact prior to relinquishment I was living in a fantasy that my son was guaranteed a better life because of this sacrifice I was making. I’m not sure if this idea in my head was something people told me, or of my own making from pop culture, or what, but even if it wasn’t my counseling that put me in that mindset, I do think my counseling should have helped relieve me of that fairy tale. The fact the hard truth about adoption is being glossed over for both PAP and emoms is not okay, we need to know the hard truth that many adoptees experience loss even when placed in infancy and if we choose adoption we have to acknowledge and help them through that loss. But when we aren’t told about that loss, then we aren’t able to fully understand the choice we’re making.

~snip~

The fourth is harder for me, but I do feel someone who entered pregnancy in my position – I was emotionally capable and ready to be a parent but I didn’t have the financial and societal support to help me raise a child and was left on my own by the birth father – someone like me should never have to face placing. The issues I faced was not being able to afford health care and day-care, no paid maternity leave, and a fear of losing any steady income because of accrued debt, these scared me, and being a person who qualified for no aid because I made a little too much money to be considered poor, I felt there wasn’t any option for my son to thrive in the environment I could give him. To me, its one thing if you’re not ready or not interested in parenting, but it’s a whole different place if you just don’t have the support you need. We as a society should respect biological ties enough to find ways to preserve families in situations like mine. And instead of having people say “I will fight for your family to get to a better place and you to raise your son” they said “it’s so great you’re giving your son a better life”.

The thing is, for my son’s parents and I, the decisions in front of us that we have made I do believe are the best for my son, I do think we are doing the best we can – but there are so many bigger issues that exist, even when we do the best job we can. And to fix those, we as an adoption culture need to acknowledge that even when adoption works the way it’s supposed to – both before placement and after – there are still major faults in the system, systematic problems that impact adoptees. So even when you are making the best choices that you can, it still doesn’t seem good enough.

{emphasis mine}
http://racilous.wordpress.com/2012/11/11/is-it-ideal/