i miss so many things that were a part of my life too

and i was just thinking that last night when i was driving home.

i often wonder what the hell happened to my life. i loved my life--loved it for a thousand reasons. and then everything changed four years ago this month. it was as if there was some cosmic decision that came about: "okay, you're done. now try this."

then i lost my little dog three months ago--the little one who was given to me after i lost my mom and our other dog. i suppose that was one way to get my mind off my mom so much and refocus on something else. but it's been a devastating "something else." (still can't bring myself to part with the little bags of her treats on the kitchen counter, the cans of unopened food in the cupboard, her pillow in the living room, her harness, her everything.)

i loved october--it was always my favorite month. (and that's one of the things i miss--i miss loving it as much as i did.)

sorry kesha--i realize my perpetually depressed state of mind is tiresome.

thank you for asking. i check in here every day, wanted to post a thread several times but it would be just the same rehashing of my issues.

i do believe when i'm reunited with my loves my spirit will finally be free to run and dance and twirl, joyously childlike, in the october breezes of my afterlife.