the pooch i have now is not allowed to open presents

because she eats the wrapping paper. she doesn't shred it like a normal dog and then play with the toy or chew on the bone. no, no, no. she makes a feast of the paper. she also enjoys eating snow, kleenex, paper towels, and playing cards. oh, and she also likes real food.

you're so lucky

i lost my mom three xmases ago--she'd be 88 now.
i did cherish my time with her
my life hasn't been the same
and i want my old life back so much

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you certainly weren't the only one with these feelings

last week i asked my daughter: "how about if we put off christmas until it feels like christmas?"

even she wasn't feeling in the mood/spirit/whatever

depressed for over 2 years since i lost my mom--this is the third year with a tabletop tree--put up for my daughter's benefit. the ornaments stayed in their boxes in the garage as they have for the past three xmases. the tree has lights. that's enough.

it's terribly hard to muster up that spark that was once there. wonder if it will ever come back. then again, i don't really care--it doesn't matter anymore.

i'm sorry you're going through this devestating time in your life

the longest, closest, and most significant relationship i had in my life was with my mother--she was my very best friend, my biggest ali and we had some major fights through the years. she was my rock.

it's been over two years now since she passed on and i'm still a wreck although, through all appearances, i hold it together far better than i did. i still do my mental tailspins, sobbing and pacing through the house, talking to her throughout my day, asking her for signs to let me know she is still around me. and, unfortunately, they come far less frequently than they did.

it's the most difficult thing -- this physical absence of her -- that i've ever experienced. and yet i am awed at how much we are able to love someone and how much someone can be loved. that's the incredible part for me. and the fact that it doesn't die--it goes on and on.

our hearts heal in their own time--some maybe a lot slower than others. but that's okay. how wonderful that your husband meant so much to someone who he shared his life with. how wonderful that you had someone that you loved so much. because when everything else is said and done, love is the only thing that really matters.

and i believe love is something we take with us when we go.