" I don't know how I will live without her."

i felt the same way with my mom.

but i managed. and i continue to manage. and you'll do the same.

i hope you have an easier time of things than i did. if the hospice offers bereavement counseling please take that step and go. i am certain it would be helpful for you.

years and years ago, after my dad died, his church offered a two month weekly counseling group session to family members who had lost a loved one. even tho i wasn't a member of the church, and i'm not religious (in the traditional sense) i went. it helped me a great deal. years later, when my mom died, i had no professional help and it took me years to get back closer to being myself. (actually, i'm still not completely back.)

i read that you told her you loved her over and over. we are both so fortunate that we were able to do that. remind yourself of that once in awhile when you need some comfort.

my life's journey picked me up and dropped me on a new path after my mom passed. it was an unexpected turn, and a very unwelcome path and i didn't want to be there. if i had a choice i'd go back to my old path where my mom was physically present. but the time finally came where i was supposed to learn to live without her. it's one hell of a lesson to learn, that's for sure. can't think of anything harder i've gone though. and i'm sorry that you are going through it now. just go slow, and take it easy. one step at a time. the fog eventually lifts.

"Your Mother is always with you.
She's the whisper of the leaves as you walk down the street.
She's the smell of certain foods you remember, flowers you pick and
perfume that she wore.
She's the cool hand on your brow when you're not feeling well.
She's your breath in the air on a cold winter's day.
She is the sound of the rain that lulls you to sleep, the colors of a
rainbow. She is Christmas morning.
Your Mother lives inside your laughter.
She's crystallized in every teardrop.
A mother shows every emotion .......... happiness, sadness, fear,
jealousy, love, hate, anger, helplessness, excitement, joy,
sorrow... and all the while, hoping and praying you will only know the good
feelings in life. She's the place you came from, your first home, and she's
the map you follow with every step you take.
She's your first love; your first friend, even your first enemy, but
nothing on earth can separate you.
Not time, not space...not even death!"
--author unknown