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Savannahmann
Savannahmann's Journal
Savannahmann's Journal
May 28, 2014
How To Pill a Cat
I was at the Vet yesterday getting three of my fur-babies their annual shots and checkups. While I waited in the treatment room, I saw this and thought I would share it. It is intended as humor, not as actual instructions. Cat keepers however, will find it far too familiar.
*Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on each side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
*Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat gently in left arm and repeat process.
*Retrieve cat from bedroom, pick up and throw soggy pill away.
*Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with the left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for count of ten.
*Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse in from garden.
*Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into cat's mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
*Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill out of foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep up shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set on one side for gluing later.
*Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with a pencil and blow into drinking straw.
*Check label to be sure pill not harmful to humans. Drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
*Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door just enough so that head is showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with rubber band.
*Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Throw t-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
*Call fire department to retrieve cat from tree across road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.
*Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table. Find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.
*Get spouse to drive you to emergency room. Sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearms and removes pill from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new dining table.
*Arrange for ASPCA to collect cat and contact local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.
*Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat gently in left arm and repeat process.
*Retrieve cat from bedroom, pick up and throw soggy pill away.
*Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with the left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for count of ten.
*Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse in from garden.
*Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into cat's mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
*Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill out of foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep up shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set on one side for gluing later.
*Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with a pencil and blow into drinking straw.
*Check label to be sure pill not harmful to humans. Drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
*Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door just enough so that head is showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with rubber band.
*Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Throw t-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
*Call fire department to retrieve cat from tree across road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.
*Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table. Find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.
*Get spouse to drive you to emergency room. Sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearms and removes pill from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new dining table.
*Arrange for ASPCA to collect cat and contact local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.
May 16, 2014
We already know that no attacks were prevented because of this spying. We know that because the claims of General Alexander were utterly discredited by Democratic Senators Wyden and Mark Udall. We know that the NSA failed to detect the Boston Bombers despite their travel to an area that was presumably on the watch list, and despite warnings from the Russians. We know that the NSA failed on thousands of fronts to detect anything important to national security while eavesdropping on German Chancellor Merkel's phone calls. Because the threat of Terrorism or attack on the United States being launched by Germany was exceedingly high or something.
Part One of the Frontline PBS report on the NSA and how they invade every aspect of our lives is here. I am more troubled than you can imagine by the cavalier attitude of Bush Co. and the cronies toward the Constitutional protections. That bothers me tremendously, and is IMO unforgivable. But here is the problem I am really having. Why did Democrats continue it with the pseudo protection of the FISA court? I call this pseudo protection because the programs when challenged in "regular" court are dismissed not on the merits, but on technicalities. When you object to the tracking/monitoring of your cell phone, since you are unable to demonstrate real "harm" then this violation of your privacy by the Government is perfectly acceptable. The most recent decision that prevented a challenge to the indefinite detention of American Citizens by the Military was thrown out because the person challenging the law was themselves not under detention.
Let me repeat that for you. The only way you could challenge being indefinitely detained without access to a lawyer would be to actually be indefinitely detained without access to a lawyer. So take heart, those people who are held in black prison sites all around the world now have the freedom to file a lawsuit, presuming that anyone ever hears from them again.
The arguments from the Federal Government that justify these programs are some of the lamest things I've ever heard. The Government argues that they can't tell people how many cell phones have been monitored illegally because that would violate the individuals right to privacy. So we can't violate the right to privacy by informing the people who's right to privacy has been violated?
Snowden hasn't made it harder to track terrorists, because we weren't tracking them using these programs. We were tracking business secrets of other countries. We were tracking any individual who came to our attention, but we were not tracking terrorists with any success.
We were making a mockery of the Constitution, and turning ourselves into a third world country where the Constitution is written in pencil for all intents and purposes.
Evil Snowden has made it harder to track Terrorists, or something like that.
With the knowledge that no Terrorist attack has been prevented due to NSA surveillance, we must view this claim that Snowden has helped our enemies with a bucket of salt in lieu of the normal grain. We've already seen the claim that dozens of attacks have been thwarted thanks to these fine programs utterly discredited.
So what is the claim today from those who love to track everyone? Snowden has made the jobs of the NSA harder. Supposedly the AQ forces are using different encryption. China and Russia have changed their encryption systems, and even get this, changed their phone numbers and now we don't know who to listen to.
Allow me to quote the last two paragraphs of the story.
In the meantime, hostile groups such as al-Qaeda have lost no time in exploiting the gap in our intelligence-gathering capabilities to strengthen their position, with all the implications that is likely to have for our own future security.
Certainly, if countries like Russia and China were to gain the advantage at our expense, or groups such as al-Qaeda launched a successful terror attack, then Snowden’s treacherous betrayal might not seem to have been such a good idea after all.
Certainly, if countries like Russia and China were to gain the advantage at our expense, or groups such as al-Qaeda launched a successful terror attack, then Snowden’s treacherous betrayal might not seem to have been such a good idea after all.
We already know that no attacks were prevented because of this spying. We know that because the claims of General Alexander were utterly discredited by Democratic Senators Wyden and Mark Udall. We know that the NSA failed to detect the Boston Bombers despite their travel to an area that was presumably on the watch list, and despite warnings from the Russians. We know that the NSA failed on thousands of fronts to detect anything important to national security while eavesdropping on German Chancellor Merkel's phone calls. Because the threat of Terrorism or attack on the United States being launched by Germany was exceedingly high or something.
Part One of the Frontline PBS report on the NSA and how they invade every aspect of our lives is here. I am more troubled than you can imagine by the cavalier attitude of Bush Co. and the cronies toward the Constitutional protections. That bothers me tremendously, and is IMO unforgivable. But here is the problem I am really having. Why did Democrats continue it with the pseudo protection of the FISA court? I call this pseudo protection because the programs when challenged in "regular" court are dismissed not on the merits, but on technicalities. When you object to the tracking/monitoring of your cell phone, since you are unable to demonstrate real "harm" then this violation of your privacy by the Government is perfectly acceptable. The most recent decision that prevented a challenge to the indefinite detention of American Citizens by the Military was thrown out because the person challenging the law was themselves not under detention.
Let me repeat that for you. The only way you could challenge being indefinitely detained without access to a lawyer would be to actually be indefinitely detained without access to a lawyer. So take heart, those people who are held in black prison sites all around the world now have the freedom to file a lawsuit, presuming that anyone ever hears from them again.
The arguments from the Federal Government that justify these programs are some of the lamest things I've ever heard. The Government argues that they can't tell people how many cell phones have been monitored illegally because that would violate the individuals right to privacy. So we can't violate the right to privacy by informing the people who's right to privacy has been violated?
Snowden hasn't made it harder to track terrorists, because we weren't tracking them using these programs. We were tracking business secrets of other countries. We were tracking any individual who came to our attention, but we were not tracking terrorists with any success.
We were making a mockery of the Constitution, and turning ourselves into a third world country where the Constitution is written in pencil for all intents and purposes.
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Member since: Thu Aug 30, 2007, 11:50 PMNumber of posts: 3,891
