A LETTER FROM KIM JONG-UN
Posted by Andy Borowitz


Dear World People:

For decades, North Korea was threatened by hostile foes with nuclear weapons. With our safety constantly at risk from violent intruders, we asked: How can we possibly defend ourselves? In the immortal words of my dad, the glorious Kim Jong-il: “The only thing that stops a bad guy with a nuke is a good guy with a nuke.”

I sleep safely at night knowing that a loaded nuclear silo is as close as the launch button on my nightstand. And now I understand what Dad, in his genius, instinctively knew: that the world will not be truly safe until every nation has nuclear weapons.

Perhaps because these weapons are so necessary to our defense, the U.S. government, with its lapdogs at the United Nations, is plotting to take them away from us. But as Dad used to say, “When they come for our nukes….”

That is why today I am founding the Nuclear Retaliation Association to defend the sovereign right of every nation on the planet to engulf that planet in a hellish inferno. If you join today, we will waive the initiation fee and send you this bumper sticker: “Nuclear weapons don’t kill people. People kill people who don’t have nuclear weapons.”
Peace out,
Kim Jong-un


Read more: http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/borowitzreport/2013/02/a-letter-from-kim-jong-un.html#ixzz2Kr9l6s1f

tips much appreciated







The audience of one responds

$11 million annual salary is “modest,” says bailed-out bankster Chairman



Only in the banking world could you expect to hear such nonsense as the chair of a bank suggesting that an $11 milion dollar annual salary (including bonus) is “modest.”

The Royal Bank of Scotland Chairman is trying to suggest that because other bank CEOs are paid even more, his CEO’s salary of nearly $2m a year, and potential bonus of over $9m, are “modest.”

http://americablog.com/2013/02/chairman-of-bailed-out-bank-multi-million-dollar-pay.html

$11 million annual salary is “modest,” says bailed-out bankster Chairman



Only in the banking world could you expect to hear such nonsense as the chair of a bank suggesting that an $11 milion dollar annual salary (including bonus) is “modest.”

The Royal Bank of Scotland Chairman is trying to suggest that because other bank CEOs are paid even more, his CEO’s salary of nearly $2m a year, and potential bonus of over $9m, are “modest.”

http://americablog.com/2013/02/chairman-of-bailed-out-bank-multi-million-dollar-pay.html

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In a break with tradition, Tea Party Republicans issued their official rebuttal to tonight’s State of the Union address a full twelve hours before President Obama was scheduled to deliver it.

Sen. Rand Paul (R-Kentucky) appeared on Fox News Channel at 9 A.M. (E.T.) to read the rebuttal, which some historians called the most brutal response ever to a Presidential speech that had not yet been made.

Calling Mr. Obama’s speech “full of the same empty promises and bald-faced lies we’ve come to expect,” Sen. Paul added that “tonight Barack Obama made his case: for his own impeachment.”

Laced with sarcasm and invective, Sen. Paul’s rebuttal eviscerated Mr. Obama’s not-yet-given speech, ending with a call for the President to be tried for treason and banished from the U.S.

Roger Ailes, President of Fox News Channel, defended the decision to air a blistering attack on a speech that Mr. Obama was not scheduled to give for another twelve hours: “Our viewers are very unlikely to sit through Barack Obama’s State of the Union address. Airing the rebuttal beforehand gives them a sense of what they would have thought was reprehensible about it.”

For his part, Sen. Paul made no apologies for calling a speech he had never actually heard “worthy of President Ahmadinejad.” “Look, if I had waited to listen to the speech, I bet I would have hated it even more.”


Read more: http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/borowitzreport/2013/02/tea-party-issues-scathing-rebuttal-to-state-of-union-twelve-hours-before-speech.html#ixzz2KhUmBCTt

Former Vice President Dick Cheney defended President Obama’s policy on armed drone strikes, calling it a “good program” amid growing congressional scrutiny.
“I think it’s a good program and I don’t disagree with the basic policy that the Obama administration is pursuing now in those regards,” said Cheney in an interview with CBS News's Charlie Rose aired on Tuesday


Read more: http://thehill.com/video/in-the-news/282439-cheney-defends-obama-on-drone-strikes#ixzz2Kh69Nxhs


Well, Alrighty then if Dick says so

Source: aP

ORLANDO, Fla. (AP) — Former Republican Party of Florida chairman Jim Greer pleaded guilty to theft and money laundering just before jury selection in his criminal trial got under way.

Jury selection was set to begin Monday, but neither Greer nor prosecutors appeared in the courtroom. The only sign of Greer's presence in the Orange County Courthouse was his wife and infant daughter.

Greer had earlier pleaded not guilty to allegations that he funneled almost $200,000 of party money into a company he had formed with his right-hand man.

Greer says party leaders were aware of the company and that his prosecution was political payback. Sentencing is March 27 and he faces up to 35 years in prison.

Read more: http://bigstory.ap.org/article/headaches-fla-gop-ahead-ex-chiefs-trial-0

The former chairman of the Republican Party of Florida is headed to trial on fraud, theft and money laundering




The former chairman of the Republican Party of Florida is headed to trial on fraud, theft and money laundering charges in a case fraught with embarrassment for the party over allegations of lavish spending and questionable behavior.

Jury selection was set to start Monday in the two-week trial. Testimony could cover allegations of prostitutes at a party fundraiser in the Bahamas, spending on fancy restaurants and luxury hotels by state GOP leaders, criminal charges of party money funneled to a private company controlled by Greer and party leaders stabbing each other in the back.


Jurors will have to decide if Greer committed a crime when he channeled more than $200,000 of party money to his company, or whether the charges are revenge for the waning popularity of his political patron, former Gov. Charlie Crist. Crist defected from the Republican Party to run as an independent for the U.S. Senate and is now a Democrat.


http://www.washingtonpost.com/national/former-chairmans-trial-promises-to-reveal-internal-strife-embarrassing-episodes-for-fla-gop/2013/02/11/bf960222-744b-11e2-9889-60bfcbb02149_story.html

http://www.bibleprobe.com/last10popes.htm



When will @fivethirtyeight launch his Race for the Vatican 2013 page?







Man I hope so