WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Congressional Republicans heaped fulsome praise on President Obama’s second Inaugural Address today, saying that it had given them a detailed list of things to thwart over the next four years.
“My big fear was that the speech would be full of vague platitudes that wouldn’t be helpful to us in plotting against him,” said House Speaker John Boehner (R-Ohio). “Once he started offering details of what he actually hoped to accomplish, though, I realized we had hit the mother lode.”
Speaker Boehner praised the President for citing such specifics as hiring math and science teachers, building roads, and reducing health-care costs: “Now that we know that’s what he’s got in mind for his second term, we can hit the ground running to stop him.”
“My takeaway from the speech was, if we work hard enough, there’s nothing we can’t keep him from doing,” he said.
Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Kentucky) praised Mr. Obama for injecting humor into a usually somber address: “I loved that joke about ending political name-calling.”


Read more: http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/borowitzreport/2013/01/republicans-praise-obama-for-offering-bold-vision-to-thwart.html#ixzz2Ih9Tb6OU


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Who else asks these questions in court except your favorite lawyer, dentist, real estate agent?





Here's how the latest "Oh, Orly" moment rolled: Chief Justice Morrison C. England of the U.S. District Court for the East District of California Wednesday rejected a temporary restraining order (TRO) request Taitz filed to essentially prevent California's share of Electoral College votes from being certified because, she claims, Obama is not a natural born U.S. citizen as required of presidents under the U.S. Constitution. Click here for James Grinols, et al. v. Electoral College, et al.

Judge Morrison also denied Taitz's emergency appeal of his TRO ruling. This is where you'll find her "evidence" of Double Obama (or 00O for all you Ian Fleming fans):



http://blogs.ocweekly.com/navelgazing/2013/01/obama_orly_taitz_spy_indonesia.php

Security guard leaves gun unattended in restroom at Lapeer charter school



The security officer "made a breach in security protocol" and left an unloaded weapon in a restroom "for a few moments," said Chatfield School Director Matt Young.
Young said the school has been in contact with local authorities about the matter and wouldn't discuss any possible repercussion for the officer, calling it "a personnel matter." Young also declined to name the security officer.

"The school has put additional security procedures in place that follow local law enforcement practices and guidelines," Young said in a statement. "At no time was any student involved in this breach of protocol. We will continue to work on improving school security."

Young stressed that no children were exposed to the handgun or put in danger, and declined to comment more on specifics of the incident.

The school recently hired the officer, who is retired from the Lapeer County Sheriff's Office, as a means to bolster school security. The effort had recently received attention in Lapeer and Genesee county media outlets.


http://www.mlive.com/news/flint/index.ssf/2013/01/security_guard_leaves_gun_unat.html#incart_river



Hidden Security Camera
of the officer

Dear Abby, Dear Abby ...
My feet are too long
My hair's falling out and my rights are all wrong
My friends they all tell me that I've no friends at all
Won't you write me a letter, Won't you give me a call
Signed Bewildered

Bewildered, Bewildered...

Chorus:
You have no complaint
You are what your are and you ain't what you ain't
So listen up Buster, and listen up good
Stop wishing for bad luck and knocking on wood

Dear Abby, Dear Abby...
My fountain pen leaks
My wife hollers at me and my kids are all freaks
Every side I get up on is the wrong side of bed
If it weren't so expensive I'd wish I were dead
Signed Unhappy






Dear Abby' Writer Pauline Phillips Dead at 94

Pauline Phillips, best known as the beloved advice columnist “Dear Abby,” died on Wednesday at age 94.

TMZ reports that Pauline was suffering from Alzheimer’s disease, but no cause of death was given.

Phillips’ daughter Jeanne, who took over the column, told the site, "I have lost my mother, my mentor and my best friend. My mother leaves very big high heels to fill with a legacy of compassion, commitment and positive social change. I will honor her memory every day by continuing this legacy."

Pauline founded the syndicated "Dear Abby" column in 1956 under the penname Abigail Van Buren. Her twin sister, Eppie Lederer, had a similar advice series called “Ask Ann Landers.” Eppie died in 2002 after battling bone cancer.

http://www.extratv.com/2013/01/17/dear-abby-writer-pauline-phillips-dead-at-94/

The vanished Inca civilisation of the Andes, long thought to have no writing, invented a seven-bit binary code to store information more than 500 years before the invention of the computer, argues an American anthropologist.

Begun in the Andean highlands of Chile and Colombia around 1200 AD, the Inca ruled the largest empire on Earth by the time their last emperor, Atahualpa, was garroted by Spanish conquistadors in 1533.

But the voice of the Inca has never been heard; it has long been considered the only major Bronze Age civilisation without a written language.

Professor Gary Urton, an anthropologist at Harvard University in Boston and a specialist in Pre-Columbian studies, is now challenging that assumption in a new book, Signs of the Inka Khipu. He argues the Incas had a written language disguised in the form of elaborate knotted strings known as khipu.

Derived from the word for 'knot' in the Quechuan language of the Inca - still widely spoken in the the Andes highlands - these decorative objects consist of one main cord to which are attached several pendant strings. These, which can carry subsidiary or tertiary strings, bear clusters of knots.

In 1923, science historian L. Leland Locke proved that the khipu were more than decorative; they were a sort of textile abacus, their knots used to record calculations.



http://www.abc.net.au/science/articles/2003/07/03/893964.htm

Pushing back against one of several gun control proposals unveiled by President Barack Obama, Mississippi Gov. Phil Bryant (R) on Wednesday said that criminals will be able to eschew any new federal law by obtaining high-capacity magazines from a foreign state that has been dissolved for more than two decades.

"If they want a 30-round clip, they're going to get it out of Brazil or the Soviet Union," Bryant said at a press conference, as quoted by the Associated Press. "It's going to go on the black market. Self-protecting citizens won't have that right, but criminals will."

The Soviet Union collapsed in 1991.

Bryant also preempted the White House's news conference on Wednesday by posting a letter on his Facebook page in which he urged state lawmakers to block any of Obama's executive actions that might undermine the Second Amendment.


http://livewire.talkingpointsmemo.com/entry/mississippi-guv-criminals-can-get-high-capacity-magazines


the recent Science and Engineering Readiness Index, Mississippi ranked 50th for high school students on their performance in physics and calculus. The Magnolia State also came in last on the National Assessment of Educational Progress survey earlier this year. It often rates last on high school graduation rates; some surveys have found that nearly 30 percent of Mississippi high school students drop out.

Mississippi is also a state that, at various times, has had the highest percentage of low birth-weight babies, children living in poverty, and children in single-parent families. All of these affect education in the Southern state. So does the severe budget cuts that the state has suffered in recent years.

House Republicans plan to huddle at a golf resort in Williamsburg, Va., later this week for a private conference to talk strategy for 2013,
“We have a few suggestions for House Republicans that might make their next month a little bit easier," said Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee spokesman Jesse Ferguson, his tongue firmly in cheek.


Republican Retreat Agenda Items

Have breakfast paid for by lobbyists

How to stop talking about “legitimate rape” and insulting women

Science 101


Creating tax breaks and tax shelters for millionaire campaign donors

Math course on counting to 218 votes

A primer on the stock market crash of 1929 and how you could be responsible for the next one.

Coup d’etat prevention and planning

Trust falls

Big-picture thinking

Practice interacting with women and minority voters

How to increase our approval ratings: What root canals, traffic jams, cockroaches and head lice are doing right

Remedial hurricane recovery

Your inner Tea Party and you

Have dinner paid for by lobbyists




Update -- Republicans respond: “This is pretty creative for Democrats given that the only item on their agenda is more debt and spending," said Daniel Scarpinato, spokesman for the Nation Republican Congressional Committee.§


http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/ticket/democrats-taunt-gop-house-members-party-retreat-151726259--election.html;_ylt=A2KJjbxSqvVQvD0AVkbQtDMD


Boy Republicans are so witty... what a comeback.

added another one in the same vein.