May 5, 2013

A pretty clean joke about ...... Arguing with a Woman..

> Never Argue with a Woman
>

> One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and
> decides
> to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife
> decides to take
> the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads
> her book. ......
Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the
woman and says, "Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?" "Reading a
book," she replies,
(thinking, "Isn't that obvious?&quot

> "You're in a Restricted Fishing Area," he informs her. "I'm sorry,
> officer,
> but I'm not fishing. I'm reading." "Yes, but you have all the
> equipment.
For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in
> and write you up

> "If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault,"
> says the
> woman.
> "But I haven't even touched you," says the game warden.


> "That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you
> could start at any moment."

> "Have a nice day ma'am," and he left

May 5, 2013

Another crude, and sick joke about the dearly departed...(warning you..)

>
A mortician was working late one night. It was

his job to examine the dead bodies before

they were sent off to be buried or cremated.

As he examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, who was
about to be cremated, he discovered the
longest private part he had ever seen!

"I'm sorry, Mr. Schwartz," said the mortician,
"But I can't send you off to be cremated with a
tremendously huge private part like this.
It has to be saved for posterity." And
with that the the mortician used his tools to
cut it off, and he stuffed his prize into a briefcase and
took it home. The first person he showed was his
wife.

"I have something to show you that you won't
believe," he said, and opened his briefcase.

,,,, "Oh, my God!" she screamed, "Schwartz is dead!"

May 4, 2013

Enough: 7 American Soldiers Killed in Afghanistan Today

Source: Huffington Post

KABUL, Afghanistan -- Seven U.S. service members were killed on Saturday in one of the deadliest days for Americans in Afghanistan in recent months, as the Taliban continued attacks against foreign troops as part of their spring offensive.

The renewed violence came as Afghan President Hamid Karzai acknowledged at a news conference that regular payments his government has received from the CIA for more than a decade would continue. Karzai also said that talks on a U.S.-Afghan bilateral security agreement to govern future American military presence in the country had been delayed because of conditions the Afghans were placing on the deal.

The U.S.-led coalition reported that five international troops were killed by a roadside bomb in southern Afghanistan, and coalition spokesman Capt. Luca Carniel confirmed that all five were American.

The coalition did not disclose the location of the roadside bombing. However, Javeed Faisal, a spokesman for the governor of Kandahar province, said the coalition patrol hit the bomb in the Maiwand district of the province, the spiritual birthplace of the Taliban.


Read more: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/05/04/nato-7-american-troops-killed-in-afghanistan_n_3214076.html

---

It is on the front page for a while...what else is there to say?

http://www.huffingtonpost.com

May 4, 2013

A short story about Charlie..Male Chauvinist,,Or..."The Man Who Knew Too Much" or thought he did...

Charley was a male chauvinist. Even though they both worked full time, he
never helped Jenny around the house because housework was for women.


Then one evening Jenny arrived home from work to find the children bathed, a
load of clothes in the washer and another in the dryer, dinner on the stove,
and the table set. She was astonished—something's up. Turned out that Charley
had read an article that said wives who worked full-time and did all the
housework were too tired to have sex. Their evening went well and the next day she
just had to tell her office friends.


"We had a great dinner and Charley even cleaned up. He helped the kids with
their homework, folded the laundry and put everything away. What a great
evening!" "But what about afterward?" asked her friends.


"Oh, that was perfect too: Charley was too tired!"

May 3, 2013

Smart Woman Joke...as promised..(It's a blond too)

The Blond and The Lawyer...

A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from Los Angeles to New York. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun.

He says, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me five dollars, and vice versa."

Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep.

The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500."

This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment, agrees to the game.

The lawyer asks the first question: "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"

The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5 bill, and hands it to the lawyer.

"Okay," says the lawyer, "your turn."

She asks, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?"

The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references ... no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the Internet and the Library of Congress ... no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers but to no avail.

After an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $500.

The blonde thanks him and turns back to get some more sleep.

The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, stirs the blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer?"

Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.

And you thought blondes were dumb

May 3, 2013

Question ...I got the latest version of Explorer. Moves ok, but

I haven't had Firefox on this computer...Is it better than Explorer? or Google Chrome???
don't know much. Any help would be appreciated. thank you
Stuart G

May 2, 2013

Testing Service Apologizes for Disastrous Disruption of their Online Tests

Source: NBC News

By Mark Schone, NBC News:


The nation’s second largest educational testing service apologized Wednesday for computer issues that disrupted federally-mandated online tests for thousands of students in Indiana and Oklahoma this week – exams that are already controversial for their outsize role in determining school funding, student evaluations and teacher salaries.

“We sincerely regret the problems we have caused,” said a spokesperson for California-based CTB/McGraw-Hill, which holds contracts or testing in all 50 states and controls nearly 40 percent of the market. “We regret the impact … (of) system interruptions” and “have made changes to correct the situation.”


State officials, meanwhile, said they would hold CTB/McGraw-Hill accountable, and raised the possibility of financial penalties.

Three-thousand students in Oklahoma and 30,000 in Indiana lost their computer connections during testing on Monday and Tuesday mornings, according to state officials. CTB McGraw Hill said that the outage in Indiana occurred because “our simulations did not fully anticipate the patterns of live student testing” – the third straight year that Indiana students have experienced service interruptions during online testing administered by the company. Both states resumed the federally-mandated testing of third through eighth-graders Wednesday and reported no further incidents, but only after Indiana complied with a request from CTB/McGraw-Hill to cut the number of students taking the state’s ISTEP (Indiana Statewide Testing for Educational Progress) test in half – a precaution that the Department of Education said it will also take on Thursday.

At a morning meeting, members of the Indiana Board of Education called the situation “disastrous,” saying the test results were “tainted” and that the interruptions added to the anxiety of students already stressed by the high-stakes examinations.



Read more: http://openchannel.nbcnews.com/_news/2013/05/01/18006327-testing-service-apologizes-for-disastrous-disruptions-of-students-online-exams?lite

May 2, 2013

I agree...stranger things have happened in this country...once..

I was absolutely sure, positive beyond any possible small chance..that this fellow who was Afro American from Illinois could never possibly become President of the United States. Not while I was alive...as a kid, I remember......we as humans will never walk on the moon....
Also, I recall vaguely, looking at the huge computer that I saw in a magazine, taking up a whole room of space..and being sure I would never own one of those.. I now own one of those, that has more memory and power than that thing in the huge room..

It is unlikely that Bush will ever be charged in the USA..but who knows??maybe...


Tell me....is it really true you can hold one of these things..a computer... in your hand???? ....
......................... maybe some day......but.....????????

May 2, 2013

another dumb blond joke...next time, I will post a smart woman joke..

A blonde lady motorist was about two hours from San Diego when she was
flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down. The man walked up to
the car and asked, "Are you going to San Diego ?"
"Sure," answered the blonde, "do you need a lift?"
"Not for me. I'll be spending the next three hours fixing my truck. My
problem is I've got two chimpanzees in the back which have to be taken
to the San Diego Zoo. They're a bit stressed already so I don't want to
keep them on the road all day.
Could you possibly take them to the zoo for me? I'll give you $100 for your trouble.

"I'd be happy to," said the blonde. So the two chimpanzees were ushered
into the back seat of the blonde's car and carefully strapped into their
seat belts, and off they went.
Five hours later, the truck driver was driving through the heart of San
Diego when suddenly he was horrified!

There was the blonde walking down the street, holding hands with the two
chimps, much to the amusement of a big crowd. With a screech of brakes
he pulled off the road and ran over to the blonde. "What the world are
you doing here?" he demanded, "I gave you $100 to take these chimpanzees to the zoo..

"Yes, I know you did," said the blonde,"but we had money left over so
now we're going to Sea World."

May 1, 2013

Brazilian Priest Excommunicated for Defending Gay Rights: Huff Post, Reuters.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/04/30/brazil-priest-excommunicated_n_3187812.html

By Paulo Prada

RIO DE JANEIRO, April 30 (Reuters) - The Catholic Church has excommunicated a Brazilian priest after he defended homosexuality, open marriage and other practices counter to Church teaching in online videos.

In a statement released late on Monday, the priest's diocese said Father Roberto Francisco Daniel, known to local parishioners as Padre Beto, had "in the name of 'freedom of expression' betrayed the promise of fealty to the Church."

The priest "injured the Church with grave statements counter to the dogma of Catholic faith and morality." The actions amount to "heresy and schism," the statement said, the penalty for which is excommunication, or expulsion from the Church.
________________________________________________________________________________________________________

In case anyone was wondering if the Catholic Church has changed, here is proof it hasn't.