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Member since: Fri Nov 20, 2009, 01:17 PM
Number of posts: 8,654

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To say the least. Disheartening is a word I'd use to describe it.

I've fought all my life for justice, for less harm, for a better world.

Still waiting to hear if I have NMO (fatal disease) or "just" MS.

Thinking, I might be dying now....and all my struggles to try to make a better world were nothing but a fart in a hurricane. How useless my life has been.

My eyes were opened to just how many men like kiddy porn...

Political ads in Virginia talking about how many tens of thousands of computers identified with child porn on them. Too many to prosecute really.

Friend coming back from Afghanistan saying his biggest duty, most time used up, was removing kiddy porn from the computers of our military.

I read a few years ago, kiddy porn is the fastest growing sector of porn on Internet.

So, so many things like this. I see what are coy little apologies for child rape even on DU and I know what it is when I see it. Even if there is plausible deniability.

And it occurs to me, they are trying to shut us up mainly because we are threatening their fun. We are trying to take their preferred type of sex away from them.

1 in 3 females sexually abused before 18. It's not just a few men doing all that raping. It is pandemic. Even here on DU.

Morning Joe criticizing IRS for silly training videos.

Methinks this will be the start of a movement to get rid of the IRS. Hey, no IRS, much easier for billionaires to avoid paying taxes!

Jesus they aren't hiding it at all anymore. Fascism all the way, all the time....hope we can fight back more effectively than the Polish did when they threw rocks against the invading Wehrmacht's tanks.

Oh, no, it was another article she wrote, one of three she has had published.

She talked about her earliest memories being her father using her for sex (age 4) and then concluded, "I guess it's true that you never forget your first lover."

Ps her other article was about her awesome boobs.

PPS I think being raped as a child really does cause harm, and changes a person. I wrote a thread about it a few lines up, talking about an old friend of mine named Jennifer. For me, and for many if not most of us if you believe the studies, it sets a person up to think of themselves as an object to be used. Kind of teaches us our place in life, if you will. When I read that article I thought I recognized that training in her, too.

My friend Jennifer told me a story when we were both 13.

She told me this story while we were waiting for the older boys to arrive, with their friends along with them. We provided sex for whoever showed up. No matter if we were having our period and not feeling well...we knew the rules. We had to put out to any man who asked us. We knew our roles by heart. I certainly never entertained the idea, at 13, that I had the right to say "no." That's what child sexual abuse did to me.

Jennifer told me about her first time. She said she was ten and her 19 year old brother invited her up to the remote cabin the family owned, for the weekend.

Her brother and a bunch of his friends got her drunk then spent the rest of that weekend taking turns raping her.

"I was really scared and it hurt and I was crying but I am glad now it happened because now I'm not afraid to have sex."

I nodded. I understood exactly what she was saying. Then we serviced a half dozen older boys in the snow of a Montana winter night.

We both thought what happened to us was okay and normal. We thought servicing young men without regard for our own health and well being was normal and okay too.

FEELING something is okay and not a big deal does not necessarily make it so.

That was what was going through my head when I read her account of the events in the park.

And you were born female...

Those of us born with the disgusting gash instead of the glorious godpenis deserve whatever happens to us don'tcha know....

Turns out I have Multiple Sclerosis, not GBS or CIDP. Well, at least I have a diagnosis now.

It sure does explain a whole lot of symptoms I've been having over the years. Even now I can't hardly walk from the numbness in my legs and I have other weird symptoms too.

Neuro just called me with the results. Multiple lesions on the brain and some on the thoraxic area too (not sure I spelled that right.)

Guess I'd better learn some things about MS.

I have an appointment with my neuro at Bethesda on Thursday.

My g-g-grandfather was a liberal too! It's in my genes!

Okay, stuff like that doesn't get passed through the genes but I'm still really excited to find out just this weekend that my g-g-grandfather John Isch was a bleeding heart just like me! Pretty cool! I know nobody wants to read this but me but I'm too excited not to post it anyhow, please forgive me.


I shook hands with him once and was photographed with him.

His eyes frightened me. I felt pure evil emanating from him.

Not sure what is wrong with me.

Was in the neurology ICU a couple years ago for a week with what was diagnosed as Guillain Barre Syndrome. Got better slowly, then in the last year I've been having bad spells again. Didn't want to bug the docs so I was trying to just tough them out. (Army docs, especially neurologists, are very busy these days.)

Well, this bad spell was a little worse than the other ones and the bad spells are coming closer together and I finally decided to bite the bullet and go to the doctor.

Now, two years ago, my spinal fluid showed ogoclonal bands (something like that, unsure of spelling) that indicate either MS or GBS. The doc thought the case presented more like GBS than MS so I was reassured.

They checked my reflexes. Knees great, ankle reflexes mute (absent) and a positive babinski's reflex (not a good thing) on the bottom of the foot.

Doc wanted me in an MRI that evening and admitted to hospital again. I tried, I really tried. My first time in a traditional small-bore closed MRI. Long very narrow tube. Had a panic attack/claustrophobia. I never even knew I was claustrophobic. Just could not do it. Doctors were pissed, don't blame them one bit, I was being a big baby. Anyway we will try again when there is another opening, but this time the doc prescribed me 10mg valium with another 10 in reserve just in case. Full spine MRI and brain MRI. Hopefully I can get ahold of myself with the help of the valium, this time I will not open my eyes in the tube, and I will be okay.

So, back to the labs today, another dozen or so vials of blood drawn. Lots of tests I guess. Referral to neuromuscular clinic in neurology.

Not feeling that great, low energy, just want to lie in bed all day, have to force myself to get up and do stuff. numb feet and semi-numb legs.

Doc thinks it's either CIPD (chronic form of GBS) or MS or possibly something wrong (tumor?) in my spinal cord/brain. We'll see.

I'm actually more afraid of failing to endure the MRI, than I am of the actual disease. I don't want to fail again. And I have to do it there, Army does not give choices.

Thank you for listening, just wanted to tell my story I think.

Oh, went back home with hubby, who told the doc he'd bring me back in if I got a lot worse, had trouble breathing/swallowing etc. I am glad I'm home, did not want to be hospitalized again.
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