I know I make many uncomfortable when I tell the truth of what I've experienced, but I choose to tell the truth in the hopes that our society will change for the better.

I long for a world where 1 in 3 girls are not molested before they turn 18. I long for a world where there aren't as many female soldiers being raped. I long for a world where domestic violence isn't such a common occurence.

If that makes me a bad DU'er then so be it.

I only wanted to talk about specific types of porn that upset me, because I am a survivor of rape and abuse. Seeing rape and abuse porn being such big sellers, it makes me wonder, do the majority of men get off on violence being done to women? And when I wonder that, I feel less safe, and it triggers my PTSD that is due to having been raped as a child and again as a grown woman (along with other non-sexual assaults.)

I didn't come out in an effort to shame men who like porn. I like porn myself - the type that doesn't involve causing physical harm to women, anyway.

But porn that says it's okay to hit women or cause her severe physical harm....that upsets me and unless people are being deliberately obtuse, they must surely understand why.

I'm not even calling for a ban on rape porn. I'm a supporter of the first amendment, free speech.

I'm asking to be heard. I'm hoping to be understood.

I'm asking whatever men consume violent types of porn, to think about how they would feel if their mothers, daughters, sisters, wives, lovers, were treated like that. Not asking you to stop watching the porn. Just asking you to reflect on it for a little while.

That is all I was trying to do.

And right now I feel like I came out of the porn wars with 3rd degree burns all over me.

And here I go again, I guess, ready to be ridiculed again. But still just pleading for someone to hear me, and to understand.

I grew up being raped, starting from the age of five, because "that's what girls are for, and that's what men do to girls."

I grew up awake all night after each rape session, in too much pain to sleep.

I grew to be a loner, convinced that there was something dirty about me that caused the abuse. To this day, my abusers don't feel any shame, that I can see. But I do. I feel shame for being born female.

I was raped when I served in the Army, by a fellow Officer I was foolish enough to trust. More trauma.

On dates, I have had men force anal sex on me when I was not prepared for it, cum in my eyes on purpose before I could jerk away, and I can't even describe how many times I've heard, "don't be a pussy" or "she probably liked it" when men speak of rape, even rape of children.

It's everywhere. I can't avoid the culture I live in.

I am not offended or frightened by sex or naked people.

I am offended by and frightened of rape and abuse and a culture that seems to condone it and celebrate it in some types of porn and some advertising (like the link that talks about models sporting black eyes, split lips as "fashion."

And this is the last I will speak with you about this issue.

It has escalated in our society to the point where it is becoming truly toxic, and not just among the right-wingers, either.

Take a look at the posts on this board today. Let's take a look at ourselves, shall we?

Is it okay to express hatred towards women here? And call it a joke?

I see myself instead as a fighter. When I was told that "girls don't become Army Officers," I decided to become one. When I was told, "Airborne school is too hard for you, girls don't jump out of airplanes...." I did what it took to qualify for the U.S. Army Infantry Airborne School. I served in theater during the Gulf War. I took everything in stride, including being raped. Without complaining, without pressing charges, without neglecting my duties as a soldier.

When I learned of one of my soldiers getting molested by a dentist at Ft. Huachuca, I fought back. When I learned that this was being covered up, I went to the press. When a new post commander took over, and the press came applying pressure, the dentist and his entire chain of command were gone. Like, overnight retired. Not a victim, a fucking FIGHTER.

I was raped as a child. I was raped as a grown woman. I was beaten by a man who was at that time my husband. In every situation I survived, triumphed, and went on to fight for others in similar circumstances.

I am still fighting today. Not for myself, but for all women.

Don't fucking call me someone who enjoys wallowing in victimhood.

I do not. And I am not a victim, I am a fighter, and damn proud of it.

And I do not hate men, nor am I a lesbian, to ward off the next round of insults likely to be heard from you.

I am someone who is aware of how the world treats women and am fighting back against it.

At the same time, I thank men and other women who try to make this world a better place instead of excusing the harm done. I am married to a terrific man who respects women...and have been married over 20 years now. Not that I should even have to be proving to you that I don't hate men.

What I hate is discrimination and patriarchy and abuse. It harms men as well as women. And I will ALWAYS speak up and fight back against it, no matter what you or anyone else of your ilk has to say about it.

I'm sure since this was not hidden, we will see much more of this kind of behavior on DU and I would imagine it will get far worse.

I honestly am thinking these days that the powers that be - including all politicians - realize the amount of anger out there, and don't want it directed against the 1% or politicians themselves....but the anger has to go somewhere, the violence has to go somewhere...why not against women? Every man can have his own woman to verbally abuse, on sites like this or in real life, and to rape, and to hack up and kill....and the people who are in positions of power to do something about it, will just look away.

I don't like what I see here, and I don't like what I see in the nation politically etc. in the war against women, and I don't like knowing what is coming down the road as the war against women picks up steam and provides a nice outlet for all that built up anger.

the Hustler and Playboy centerfolds taped to the wall where we all worked (large open space.)

I was told then I was being too sensitive too - even by some women. And we aren't talking just bare breasts, we are talking they were the gynecological shots posted on the wall. With some of the men giggling every time one of us women walked by and looked away, clearly enjoying our discomfort.

But there were a couple of women who disagreed with those of us who protested (and won.) They said we made too big a deal of it and boys will be boys.

My own mother told me that I made too big a deal out of the fact that my older brother raped me starting when I was five years old. Said "it takes two to tango." And, "It happened a long time ago, it doesn't matter now, don't be silly."

I've seen this before.

I've seen too much in my lifetime I think of ALL of this and by this point I'm just about out of my fucking mind with rage....

It might mean teaching us wifely skills at four years old like sucking dick, it might mean being beaten by your husband if he's in a bad mood, it might mean taking away the right to vote...all those things can mean respect for women if a man SAYS they mean respect!

Don't you get it, women? Your feelings about things don't matter. YOU don't matter. Only men matter. If THEY say it's not abuse, then it's not abuse and shut your dick-sucking mouth already about it already!

(Sarcasm)

I was raped when I was in, incidentally, and spent a couple of weeks worrying about pregnancy myself resulting from the rape. Not fun.

The mindset is (and I understood it even back then)...women do not belong in the military (or anywhere outside of the home, under the thumb of a male.)

Therefore, rape is justifiable and teaches the errant female a lesson about where her place is in life. Where she belongs and what her value is (very little.)

Therefore rape is a good thing. And BTW the enemies who are raping the female soldiers are actually her fellow soldiers. Not what you might normally think of as the enemy.

And since rape is a good thing and meant as a tool to punish females and put us in our proper subordinate places, it's an even better thing if the rape results in even more injury, i.e. pregnancy that ruins the female's life. It's extra double good then! That REALLY teaches the nasty disgusting female a lesson and puts her in her place!

Gosh, we don't want to rescue women who have been raped! They deserved it and deserve the punishment that results from rape!

In fact all females are disgusting and subhuman and deserve whatever bad thing happens to them, including rape as children, rape as grown women, and abuse on DU that some call "satire" knowing full damn well it's nothing but an attack on women who have been through enough attacks already in life.

They know what they are doing. They want over half of the populace to die within the next decade or two. They will hunker down and survive while the rest of us die off.