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MiddleFingerMom

Profile Information

Gender: Male
Home country: U.S.A.
Current location: Arizona
Member since: Thu Dec 31, 2009, 03:49 PM
Number of posts: 25,163

Journal Archives

My bus driver told me my new favorite joke the other day...

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... and yes, those of you gun enthusiasts and/or haters with
a limited sense of humor... in AZ she'd be violating several
statutes... but repeat to yourself -- "It's just a joke".
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A cop pulls a much older woman over for a traffic violation and
when he asks for her license and registration, she also passes
over her Concealed Carry permit and says, "Before we start,
Officer, you should know that I have a .44 Magnum in my
glovebox."
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The cop asks, "Any other weapons, ma'am?"
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She told him, "Yes, I have a .357 under my seat."
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The cop shakes his head and asks, "Any OTHERS?"
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The woman says, "Yes, I have a 9 mm Glock in my purse."
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The cop asks, wide-eyed, "GEEZ, lady... what the HELL are you afraid of?"
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The woman grins and says,
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"Not a GODDAM thing!!!"

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I'll be here all night.
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Posted by MiddleFingerMom | Sat Dec 24, 2011, 11:44 PM (3 replies)

MiddleFingerMom's SECOND collection of brand-new 2011 Christmas pics & toons:

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Please kick 'em every now and then in the spirit of "regifting".
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There are two types of people -- those who don't like fruitcake and liars, liars pants on fires!!!
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It was worth a shot... the "GET OUT OF JAIL FREE (Christmas) CARD":
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What harshes Santa's mellow every goddam Christmas Eve? Those fucking reindeer, that's what.
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People who self-identify as "Anti-OWS vegans" now have something special for their holiday feast.
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They DO need to love VERY spicy foods, though.
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The dangers involved in drinking too much pug nog:
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Cat... turkey. Turkey... cat. Keep at least ONE of them in your sights at all times.
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Away in a manger -- no brains in his head...
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MiddleFingerMom doesn't really expect to get many presents this Christmas.
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Posted by MiddleFingerMom | Sat Dec 24, 2011, 12:02 PM (4 replies)

I just saw the most UNfunny standup comedy one-hour solo show EVER!!!

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Now, I really dislike it when people knee-jerkingly say someone is
terrible/has no talent simply because they're conservative in their
personal lives. I mean, even Charlton Heston and Ted Nugent were
consummate performers when they could STFU about their personal
feelings/beliefs. Conservatives do that to people like Susan Sarandon
and Alec Baldwin and when I see THEM do that, I think of how ignant
they are.
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I do my best NOT to come to that conclusion with my fellow travelers
and THEIR politically-biased "talent-judgmental" critiques, but sadly,
that's often beyond my denial talents.
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But this alleged "comedy special" was just terrible from start-to-finish
(I tuned in about 10-15 mintes into the routine).
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Kathy Griffin.
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Now... she's sophomoric and crude, right. My cuppa tea, right. You'd
think she would get 97 bonus points from me for that alone, right.
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Wrong.
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Years ago, I watched the SECOND-worst UNfunny standup comedy
one-hour solo show EVER -- his opening line made me bark-laugh...
but then I didn't laugh once. Andrew Dice Clay. With Griffin -- not
even ONE laugh.
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WTF? How does someone so UNtalented get such an incredible
opportunity/showcase?
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Posted by MiddleFingerMom | Sat Dec 24, 2011, 07:19 AM (11 replies)

Kali came into town and stopped by today.

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She brought me a little Christmas bag of goodies as a present --
homemade cookies and pecans (or walnuts?).
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It's been WAY too long since I had seen her in person -- and
much longer than THAT since I had seen her in person when
I wasn't flat on my back with multiple tubes running in and
out of me.
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I think I conveyed how HAPPY I was to see her. I wanted to take
this time to let her (and you) know how much I appreciate having
her as such a good friend.
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She's someone I like a lot -- and truly respect and admire even
more -- for all sorts of reasons. We've been friends for somewhere
close to a decade -- and she still sticks with and by me DESPITE
my many, ahem... "idiosyncracies".
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Even better yet...perhaps BECAUSE of some of them.
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I believe it doesn't hoit to let those who are important to you flat-out
KNOW just how important. I hope all of you have someone (or many
"someones" ) like that in your life... and that you don't (as I so often
unintentionally do) take them for granted.
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Yes, I'm sober... but about to crack open a bottle of red.
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Kali MFM
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Posted by MiddleFingerMom | Fri Dec 23, 2011, 10:51 PM (16 replies)

MiddleFingerMom's first collection of brand-new 2011 Christmas pics & toons.

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Please kick 'em every now and then in the spirit of "regifting".
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Cats are party... well... party ANIMALS!!!
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It takes applegrove about 6 months to take down her Christmas tree.
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Even an athiest will admit -- BACON is the god of meat. Hail BACON!!!!!!
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Mr. Fluffers wasn't really happy about all those kids sitting in his lap.
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MiddleFingerMom LOVES to go a-wassailing... even if he's not exactly sure what it means.
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CONSUME!!!!!
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Sometimes MFM thinks of vegans as ex-carnivorous atheists denying the existence of turkey.
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Dangle balls! Dangle balls! Dangle all the way!!!!!
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Posted by MiddleFingerMom | Fri Dec 23, 2011, 09:04 PM (10 replies)

MFM's reached an age where he likes to reminisce about the "bad old days" with the punks on his lawn

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Posted by MiddleFingerMom | Fri Dec 23, 2011, 11:51 AM (2 replies)

Xmas Pics/Toons #2 of 3 (Please kick/re-gift these so others can enjoy them with friends & family

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Posted by MiddleFingerMom | Thu Dec 22, 2011, 09:58 PM (6 replies)

I'm getting my Christmas archive groups out early this time. Xmas Pics/Toons #1 of 3

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This is for the three people who haven't placed me on "Ignore" yet.
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These represent a lot of time and work, so please give them a kick every now
and then so that the, ahem... other two folks can enjoy/use/share them with
friends & family.
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Basically... re-gift these, please.
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Normally, I'd have most of the other holidays covered somewhat, too -- but
my desktop has been eaten by a virus -- and the vast majority of my archived
material is irretrievable for now... if not lost completely.
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Happy Holidays, you stubborn and loyal trio of DU'-ers, you!!!
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Season's Greetings.
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Posted by MiddleFingerMom | Thu Dec 22, 2011, 09:56 PM (8 replies)

There is nothing quite like the adrenaline rush MFM gets after nogging

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Posted by MiddleFingerMom | Thu Dec 22, 2011, 09:16 PM (4 replies)

To be honest, nothing's really changed about MFM since he was Tiny Li'l MiddleFingerMom.

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Posted by MiddleFingerMom | Thu Dec 22, 2011, 10:42 AM (0 replies)
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