red dog 1
red dog 1's JournalHeard any good "walks into a bar" jokes lately?
Here are two oldies but goodies:
1) A Canadian, a Texan, and a Tea Bagger walk into a bar, and the bartender says:
"Nice to see you again, Senator Cruz."
2) (From a DUer)
A guy walks into a bar and orders 12 shots of whiskey.
The bartender starts pouring and the guy drinks them all as fast as he can.
The bartender says: "Wow! You sure downed those fast!"
The guy replies: "You'd be drinking fast too if you had what I have"
Bartender asks: "What do you have?"
The guy replies: "75 cents"
Post a line from a TV show & see if anyone knows the show without using Google - Part 25
1) "You can call me Grandmaster B"
2) "How was the Junior Chipmunks meeting, dear?"
3) "Where's O'Reilly Basil?" (answered)
4) "Educated people pronounce it 'Catsup'"
5) "If you kill me, you have no cook; and if you kill Jesse, you don't have me" (answered)
6) "You ARE the ASSMAN" (answered)
7) "Why do we have to sit so close to the kitchen, is it because we're black?"
8) "We heard there's a psychiatrist staying...Is he here for the major?" (answered)
9) "Happy Festivus for the rest of us!" (answered)
10) "Women..You can't live with 'em, and yet they're everywhere!" (answered)
11) "A gin & orange, a lemon Squash, and a scotch & water PLEASE" (answered)
12) "OK Mr. Solomon, it's time to finger your perp"
13) "Oh I don't ride the clutch, sir"
14) "Watch it, suckah!" (answered)
15) "Dr. Soloman, I've never seen you with a turtleneck before!"
16) "Sir, that's not my hat"
17) "Schmock!..Schmock!"
18) "Anita Palone, that's my mom's name!"
19) "I know you...Aren't you the old man who got me fired from the Java Hut?"
20) "I'm Carl Hickey, and I need your vote!"
21) "Guns don't kill people...Physics kill people"
22) "This parrot is no more..It has ceased to be" (answered)
23) "Cigarettes could kill me, and so could Donnie Jones"
24) "Have you read the bible, Pete?"
25) "He sells spoons!" (answered)
26) "It's....." (answered)
27) "And let the good news be yours!"
28) "Harry, I need you to drive me downtown"
29) "Ass sphincter says 'What'" (answered)
30) "No soup for you!" (answered)
31) "I lie every second of the day...My whole life is a sham"
32) "Big steps and little 'uns" (Popular British TV series) (answered)
33) "Can anyone get their head to swivel to the rear?" (answered)
34) "Incoming message from the Big Giant Head" (answered)
35) "It's bad luck to take advice from a crazy person"
36) "The sea was angry that day, my friend"
37) "I'll have a big salad" (answered)
38) "I'm the chef of the future"
39) "Mother?..Our mother? The mother downstairs? .Jessica? .The redhead?"
40) "Ain't got no spleen, Gene"
41) "He's a popcorn" (F/X TV series)
42) "I had a dream last night that a hamburger was eating ME"
43) "Always bet on the black, Jack"
44) "We should have stopped at Roy Rogers"
45) "Anybody touches my liquor'll get cut"
46) "Why don't you get a life, Rick?...Why don't you go to community college like Julian here?"
47) "There's no denying it...I'm dragging a bunch of fucking ghouls around with me, and Mikey is their leader" (answered)
48) "I don't mean to panic anyone; but the calamari has been infested with baby squid"
49) "I'm like King Midas in reverse...Everything I touch turns to shit"
50) "Nobody squeals like Ned Beatty"
51) "Who died and made you T-Bone Walker?"
52) "Those who want respect, give respect"
53) "How would you like your eyes at the bottom of a martini glass, 'cause I can do it"
54) "OK, what's the difference between a Mexican and an octopus?"
More unanswered TV quotes from Part 24:
https://www.democraticunderground.com/10181192415
Post a line from a song & see if anyone knows the song without using Google - Part 11
1) - "Would you believe, that yesterday, she was in my arms & swore to me, she'd be mine eternally" (answered)
2) - "But parked in a rickety old garage is a brand new shiny red super stock Dodge" (answered)
3) - "I see trouble on the way" (answered)
4) - "Oh you know how I love you...I'd do anything for you...Please say you'll be mine"
5) - "Working your fingers right down to the bone...The guy behind you won't leave you alone" (answered)
6) - "I don't know how I'm gonna' do it..But I'm gonna' make him mine" (answered)
7) - "Talkin' to a preacher, Said God was on my side" (answered)
8) - "Check out those shoes...She looks like she stepped out of the middle of somebody's blues"
9) - "Get it on with The Joy of Cooking, while the crowd cries out for more" (answered)
10) - "Slip the juice to me, Bruce" (answered)
11) - "Keep your mind on your driving, Keep your hand on the wheel...Keep your snoopy eyes on the road ahead" (answered)
12) - "You can come along with me 'cause we got a lot of things to do now" (answered)
13) - "Everyone was there just a waitin' for me...There were plenty of Sting Rays & XKEs" (answered)
14) - "Listen to her tach it up now, Listen to her whiiiine" (answwered)
15) - "To hold in mine, your little hand...I'll know too soon, that all is so grand"
16) - "Like a star that guides a ship across the ocean...That's how your love can take me home"
17) - "Three deuces and a 4-speed, and a 389" (answered)
18) - "Drop the coin right into the slot" (answered)
19) - "Going faster than a roller coaster" (answered)
20) - "To you, I'm just, a kid that you won't date" (answered)
21) - "When you see your ship go sailing...When you feel your heart is breaking" (answered)
22) - "Well, I went up on the mountain..I looked down in the sea"
23) - "Since she left me, I haven't been the same"
24) - "If you want to be somebody else...If you're tired of fighting battles with yourself"
25) - "If you don't come soon, I'll be wearing a shroud"
26) - "She's a melody in search of the words 'I love you'...She's a rose with no room to grow"
27) - "I wake up every morning about 7 O'clock...Catch the 9:02 and I make several stops"
28) - "Though you're nearest to my heart...Please don't ever say we'll part"
29) - "Well, I love you so...And, I'll never let you go"
30) - "To...save my soul I can't get a date...Baby's got it tuned on channel 8"
More song lyrics from Part 10:
https://www.democraticunderground.com/10181211590
Post a line from a movie & see if anyone knows the movie without using Google..Part XXlll
1) "Does Pete really need to be here?" (answered)
2) "What do you want to do tonight, Angie?"
3) "Do you mind if we dance with your dates?" (answered)
4) "Bialystock and Bloom, I presume." (answered)
5) "Rule number one..Never propose to a woman on a bus!" (answered)
6) "You know, he don't have a straight angle in that whole god-damned porch, or the whole house for that matter.....He's the worst damn carpenter!" (answered)
7) "Nice marmot!" (answered)
8) "My friends call me Hytone"
9) "Asss-HOLE" (answered)
10) "Elvis is God!!"
11) "You don't have to do this" (answered)
12) "My parents never got divorced, although I begged them to" (answered)
13) "We can't travel in the shit heap!"
14) "This is, like, the apex of the vortex of joint making" (answered)
15) "Ah, well sir, I feel like a...like a slice of butter, melting on top of a big-ol' pile of flapjacks, yeah!" (answered)
16) "He was masturbating!...He was masturbating!...He was masturbating!...He was masturbating!" (answered)
17) "I think Roy Gilles must have found out, and I think he might have killed Vic"
18) "I started skating again...I'm not as good as I used to be, but I'm okay"
19) "He works for Momo!" (answered)
20) "What have the Romans ever done for us?" (answered)
21) "I will give you her life for your life, and the life of my brother"
22) "Are you fucking with me?" (answered)
23) "One two, from me to you!"
24) "Please tender my complements to the chef." (answered)
25) "You gotta' kill Bone first!"
26) "You ain't got a body no more, son." (answered)
27) "Don't feel nothin' folded, don't hear nothin" jingling."
28) "Remember, Sparky..No matter what they say, you can't have too much sugar." (answered)
29) "What about my men?" - "What about my men?" - "What about my men?"
30) "Have you read the bible, Pete?"
31) "Pass the celery."
32) "I've got newsreels in my head."
33) "His entire body is bloodshot!!" (answered)
34) "Is everybody gay?...Is this a Twilight Zone?" (answered)
35) "Don't be talkin' about the shit bucket in front of strangers."
36) "Blanche, John, Grandma, talk to him, will 'ya?...Stay quiet, be quiet, will 'ya?" (answered)
37) "Two Wongs don't make a white." (1960's comedy)
38) "Well I wasn't born with your hand in my bush."
39) "Is that my phone?"
40) "Are you off your fucking meds or something?"
41) "I've never seen that!...I've never seen anybody drive their garbage down to the street and then bang the hell out of it with a stick....I've never seen that."
42) "We'll never find it, huh?..We'll never find it, huh?..We'll never find it, huh?"
43) "I feel like I'm insane!" (comedy)
44) "Put..the coffee..back in the cup." (answered)
45) "Is your granny spry?"
46) "You'll always be 'Shorty' to me!!"
47) "Can I have me paper back?"
48) "Nobody knocks off an old man in my neighborhood and gets away with it." (answered)
49) "When Bones finds out what you did, he's gonna take everything, including that sporty little hat on your head." (answered)
50) "Hey, Pinocchio, where are YOU going?" (answered)
51) "You touched my brick?" (answered)
52) "Tic, Tock, Doc." (answered)
53) "Muskrat, Jack."
54) "I got kicked out of school...Aren't the new neighbors nice?'...I got vodka!" (answered)
55) "Are you saying there's something wrong with my gear?"
More unanswered movie quotes from Part XXll
https://www.democraticunderground.com/10181197900
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Gender: MaleHometown: San Francisco, Ca.
Home country: U.S.A.
Member since: Tue Sep 14, 2010, 03:05 PM
Number of posts: 27,792
