February 22, 2015

The Onion Reviews 'Fifty Shades Of Grey'

February 15, 2015

Hell Bent For Election

Chuck Jones Animated film. Sponsored by the United Auto Workers for the 1944 Presidential elections. The film portrays Presidential candidate Roosevelt as a powerful express train, while Dewey is shown as a broken-down steam engine.

February 14, 2015

Thank you for the heart, whoever you are

It was very unexpected

February 7, 2015

NBC launches internal probe on Brian Williams claims

NEW YORK (AP) — NBC News has assigned the head of its own investigative unit to look into statements that anchor Brian Williams made about his reporting in Iraq a dozen years ago, an episode that's ballooned into a full-blown credibility crisis for the network.

NBC News President Deborah Turness announced the probe in an internal memo on Friday. Williams has apologized for falsely saying on the air that he was in a helicopter hit by a rocket-propelled grenade while in Iraq in 2003, and Turness said Friday the anchor expressed his regrets to his colleagues for the impact the episode has had.

"As you would expect, we have a team dedicated to gathering the facts to help us make sense of all that has transpired," Turness wrote. "We're working on what the best next steps are."

Richard Esposito, who has worked at the New York Daily News, New York Newsday and ABC and is now at NBC, is leading the investigation.
http://news.yahoo.com/nbc-launches-internal-probe-brian-williams-claims-192024300.html

February 6, 2015

GOP Builds Full-Scale Replica Of Struggling Ohio Town To Train Presidential Hopefuls

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MARTINSDALE, MT—In an effort to improve the party’s chances in the 2016 election, GOP officials announced Thursday that the Republican National Committee has built a functional full-scale replica of a struggling Ohio town in which to train presidential hopefuls.

Top-level Republican sources told reporters they have been using the fake town of Stocktonville, OH, which is located in a remote stretch of central Montana, to rigorously prepare candidates since completing construction of the 18-square-mile facility last month. According to GOP leaders, the recently erected village, which is inhabited by 33,000 actors coached to portray middle-class Americans such as small-business owners and auto workers, replicates every location and personal interaction a candidate could expect to encounter while campaigning in a critical Rust Belt swing county.

“Every morning, we start running our candidates through their itinerary of simulated voter meet-and-greets at Stocktonville’s mock schools, shopping centers, and town squares, having them redo each leg over and over until they get it right,” said Republican National Committee chairman Reince Priebus, noting how the locality has been meticulously crafted to reflect an unemployment rate of 8.3 percent, a median income of $38,000, and a sense of uneasiness about the direction of the country. “So, whether it’s learning to naturally put on a hardhat and Carhartt jacket to impress the workers at one of our six artificial factories, or tossing out the first pitch at our life-size double-A baseball field, our fully immersive training grounds provide a safe place for candidates to work out the kinks before running for office.”
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Presidential hopefuls reportedly find meet-and-greets to be the “most grueling” aspect of training.

“With enough repetition in here, they’ll soon be interacting with real voters on the campaign trail based on nothing but pure muscle memory,” Priebus continued

http://www.theonion.com/articles/gop-builds-fullscale-replica-of-struggling-ohio-to,37948/

February 5, 2015

Pepperidge Factory Farm Under Fire For Inhumane Treatment Of Milanos

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NORWALK, CT—Following the release of an investigative report earlier this week detailing the cramped and unsanitary conditions within its facilities, Pepperidge Factory Farm has come under considerable fire from snack rights groups for its inhumane treatment of Milanos.
“This report documents an absolutely appalling environment within Pepperidge Factory Farm, including the use of small, filthy cages that are routinely packed full of helpless Mint and Dark Chocolate Milanos without any paper doilies separating them,” said outspoken snack advocate Amanda Lepore, who called out Pepperidge Factory Farmhands for subjecting the cookies to a disturbing series of treatments that consist of pumping them full of additives, chemicals, and fat. “What’s most tragic is that many of these weak and vulnerable Milanos are so poorly handled and mistreated that they suffer extensive crumbling and even fractures in their biscuit shells, exposing their delicate chocolate and orange-flavored fillings to the elements. That is no way to treat these sumptuous sweets.”
Despite finding equally contaminated and overcrowded conditions in Pepperidge Factory Farm’s Goldfish enclosures, the report noted that every one of the crackers appeared visibly happy and content with its surroundings.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/pepperidge-factory-farm-under-fire-for-inhumane-tr,37881/?utm_source=Facebook&utm_medium=SocialMarketing&utm_campaign=LinkPreview:2 efault

February 5, 2015

Net Neutrality Wins BIG With New FCC Announcement

February 5, 2015

WE HAVE A WIN! Net Neutrality: FCC Chairman Proposes To Reclassify Internet Like a Utility

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Ted Johnson
Senior Editor
@tedstew
FCC Chairman Tom Wheeler has proposed reclassifying the Internet as a Title II telecommunications service, a regulatory maneuver that will allow the agency to set robust rules of the road for the Internet, commonly known as net neutrality.

If the FCC votes for his proposal on Feb. 26, it would mean that Internet providers like Comcast and AT&T would be prohibited from blocking or throttling content, or from creating fast lanes or slow lanes in delivering traffic to the consumer. The rules would apply to wired and mobile broadband, a recognition of the evolution of consumer use of the Internet.

“Using this authority, I am submitting to my colleagues the strongest open Internet protections ever proposed by the FCC,” Wheeler wrote in an op ed posted on the Wired magazine website on Wednesday. “…My proposal assures the rights of Internet users to go where they want, when they want, and the rights of innovators to introduce new products without asking anyone’s permission.”

While Wheeler’s proposal would reclassify Internet service, it also would place some limits on the scope of the FCC’s oversight, restricting it from regulating rates, bundling practices and other powers that government entities exercise over utilities. The limitations — known in regulatory jargon as “forbearance” — are meant to respond to criticisms that such an approach would burden 21st century technology with 20th century regulation.

http://variety.com/2015/biz/news/net-neutrality-fcc-chairman-proposes-to-reclassify-internet-like-a-utility-1201422752/

February 4, 2015

The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension - End Credits