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Ron Obvious

Profile Information

Name: Ron
Gender: Male
Home country: Middle Earth
Current location: Seattle
Member since: Tue Dec 13, 2011, 11:37 PM
Number of posts: 6,002

About Me

I got the nickname Ron Obvious because -- in addition to being a huge Python fan -- my name really is Ron and I used to start sentences with \"Obviously\" a lot. Obviously, that\'s no longer a problem.

Journal Archives

How are you fellow atheist arseholes this morning?

I evict orphans and widows for a living so my job's been giving me great satisfaction these past few years. Since the weather's been so nice lately, I've been able to walk to work and indulging in my special hobby of pushing wee bonny children who are playing outside face-first into the mud. It's the small pleasures that are so special, aren't they?

This morning I had the opportunity to beat up a damn hobo who had the nerve to ask me for money. Bloody scrounger! I very much enjoyed his screams of pain.

Isn't it great living without morality? It's gong to be a fine day today. Maybe I'll encounter some small animals to torture on my way home. One can but hope!

I came home from a weekend getaway today to find the house a mess...

There was garbage everywhere, including empty pizza boxes & beer bottles. The carpets were stained something terrible, one of the bookcases had fallen over and there were books all over the place. My computer chair was broken, sagging and bent at a strange angle, and the carpets were all askew or ripped in places. In the bedroom, the drawers from the chest of drawers were all pulled out, and clothes were strewn everywhere. There too, the carpet looked like some drunk had vomited on it multiple times. All the paintings hung crooked on the wall.

I was pleased that everything was as I had left it. It's good to be home again.

The bigot brush

Religions don't all get treated equally when it comes to criticism or mockery.

Make fun of a Quaker and he'll shrug and walk away.
Tell a Jewish joke to a Jew, and he'll laugh and tell you a better one.
Make fun of a Mormon and he'll look sincerely confused and not get it.
Poke fun at a Catholic and he'll turn red-faced and complain of Anti-Catholic bigotry.
Have a laugh at a Liberal Christian and he'll say he doesn't believe that either, but won't say what he does believe.
Sneer at a Fundamentalist Christian, and he'll damn you to Hell.
Mock Islam, and have a huge mob baying outside your window wanting to cut your head off.

There's a large segment of society who thinks we therefore shouldn't criticise or mock Islam.

Why do they even bother with player interviews anymore?

These guys all had media training and they haven't said anything interesting in years. When they lose, they're confident things will get better, and when they win, they're confident things will continue to go well. They're up for the challenge, and apparently they like scoring goals and prefer winning over losing.

Wow, who'd have thought?

And have you noticed interviewers feed them the answer in the questions now?

"How happy were you when you scored that winning goal today?".
"Oh, I was very happy scoring that winning goal today. It was great".

"How sad were you when you lost last week?"
"I was very sad. I don't like losing."

"How confident are the lads that the side will stay up/win the title/get promoted/whatever?"
"The lads are all very confident that the side will stay up/win the title/get promoted/whatever".

"You really are a bland, boring git, aren't you?"
"Yes, I really am a bland, boring git and... Eh?"

The dubbed interviews with foreign players are no better.

You hear a stream of excitable Spanish or Italian which sounds like they're saying a lot, and then the dubbing starts:

"I... Like... Scoring... Goals... That's... What... I... Like... Because.. It... Is... Very... Nice..."

Player interviews are only interesting if they're honest. I'd love it if a player went off-script for once, and starts calling the manager an incompetent bastard, and explains how they don't have a hope in Hell of staying up with that idiot in charge.

But those bland, media-savy professionals will make sure that won't happen of course.

Are Dove icecream bars getting smaller every year?

I just opened a box for the first time in a year, and something the size of a lollypop fell out.

I have a feeling this has been going on for years, because this not the first time I've noticed this. I do know this has been happening to other items long enough for Mad magazine to joke about it back in the '70s already, but these Dove bars seem to have lost half their size.

Or is it me?

Edited for typo in the subject line.
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