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Member since: Tue Nov 6, 2012, 11:29 AM
Number of posts: 12,496

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I'm gonna write a book about all the

things I should be doing with my life.

Itís called an Oughttobiograhy.

A cartoon I recall.

I remember seeing a cartoon once that had to do with the dithering of the Allied nations prior to WW2.

In present times it would go like this: Picture a rowboat. At one end rowing are progressives. At the other end, rowing the opposite way are Manchin and Sinema.

Approaching them is a giant wave titled MAGA. Sinema says to Manchin: "Good thing that wave won't swamp our end of the boat."

That's about it.

Why talking to MAGATs is useless

"it's hard to free fools from the chains they revere."


Of course, today, those chains could be Chick Filet or Hobby Lobby, along with Phony Soprano's brands.

I went to a combination seafood buffet and disco last week

and pulled a mussel.

I think my wife is putting glue on my antique weapons collection.

She denied it, but I'm sticking to my guns.

One day a MAGA anti-choice woman was sitting in a restaurant.

She overheard this conversation between 3 men: "I'm tell you it's spelled woomb," the other man counters, "no, there's a vowel in there somewhere it's woomber," the third man says, "no it's longer, like wooomberr,"

The MAGA crazy couldn't stand and spoke, "you men have no respect for the gift of life. That's obvious. SCOTUS rejecting Roe v. Wade was the holiest day of my life. You idiots, it's spelled, w-o-m-b." She stalks away.

The three men stare at each other and one says, "you know what I don't believe her, there's no way she ever heard an elephant fart before."

Once an intrepid explorer spent six months exploring

the outer reaches of Antarctica. He was able to create new maps from his exploration and became quite famous in his county.

After these many months of exploring he returned home and was celebrated by all. On his second day home a reporter asked him: "Upon arriving at home, and seeing your wife, what was the first thing you did?"

The explorer replied, "I won't answer that, but ask me what was the second thing I did?"

The reporter was up for it and asked him, " what was the second thing you did when you came home?"

The explorer replied, "take off my skis."

There was once 2 MAGA grifters headed to the 6

January insurrection. As they walked along they spotted a guy straight out of the 1960s. Kind of a knock-off Jerry Garcia. One MAGA guy said to the other watch me get over on this librul.

MAGA #1 to 60s man: "Hey, have you change for a an 18 dollar bill?"

60s Man: "Yes I do but its in my van around the corner, I have to get it." He then departs for his van.

MAGA#2 to MAGA#1: "Hey what are you doing, you don't have an 18 dollar bill." MAGA #1 replies, "I'm just gonna turn the zero on my 10 dollar bill into an eight and get over on his dumbass."

60s man returns and MAGA#! hands him the doctored ten dollar bill whereupon the 60s man immediately puts in his wallet.

60s man then says to MAGA#1, "how do you want that change, 2 nines, or 3 sixes."

Once upon a time a

man, although quite illiterate, became very wealthy. Over the years he deposited his checks by signing 2 xs.

One day he was called by the bank saying one of his checks had bounced. Outraged, he raced to the bank. He said, "what's the meaning of this bounced check?"

The teller said look at the check and noted it was signed with 3 xs. It must be a forgery.

The man replied, "oh that was my signature, I added that third x because my wife said, as we are coming up in the world, I should add a middle name."

One day a pigeon was sitting in a tree in Central Park.

Appearing beside him was a pigeon he didn't recognize. The new pigeon said he was from New Jersey and came to visit Central Park. The two pigeons spent the day together and had a great time. They agreed to meet in Central Park the next day, the Jersey pigeon was staying with family near Wall Street, but agreed to come back the next day.

The subsequent day the Central Park pigeon marveled at what a beautiful day it was. The sun was bright, but not too hot, with a nice, gentle breeze and blue skies. As the day went on the Jersey Pigeon failed to show. The NYC pigeon began to worry, maybe his new friend had by run over or taken by a predator.

Just as the NYC pigeon was about to give up he glanced down from the tree and saw the Jersey pigeon. He said, "I've been so worried about you, I waited all day and thought something had happened to you. Where have you been?"

The Jersey pigeon replied, "well, it was such a beautiful day I decided to walk."

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