****AA Group**** Natural Kinky Curly Wavy Hair.

I didn't want to hijack 1SBM's thread and I know I have a tendency to go off topic...so I'm starting a new thread.

One of the personal reasons I decided to grow out a relaxer was my mother's passing. She had beautiful, long natural hair which I admired. And she would spend hours on my sisters and I's hair when we were children. She had that hard black Ace comb she would pop us with when we started squirming. But the worn, soft-haired boar bristle brush gently brushing up our edges at the end of the process was worth the trouble. She combed our hair out of love.

I begged my parents for a relaxer when I was in eighth grade. All the other girls were doing it..and they would whisper and snicker when my press-and-curl reverted. I played a lot of sports and couldn't maintain a hairdo to save my life. Finally, my parents relented. And I was happy. But the girls still whispered and snickered. It took adulthood to realize how foolish I was to listen to them, and even moreso, how white supremacy affected how they viewed me..and how I viewed myself.

I was scared when I first started wearing my "own" hair. I left the relaxed portion on for length because I just couldn't stand to cut it just yet. And I didn't want to look "nappy-headed". It was still a healing process for me. Grieving in a way...apprehension.. And the childhood fear of not being accepted as DNA/God/whoever or whatever made me.

I still sometimes have that fear. And not because of just my hair, but because I am dark-skinned as well. And colorism exists...and whether or not my white counterparts acknowledge or not, there is a difference in how some view black folks, particularly women, with African features. I have times when I go into work and when a curl is out of place, I'm angry with it. I think we all do that, regardless of color. But it IS a different brand of insecurity that I think some white folks aren't privy to.

I think I am now at a point where I've embraced my hair.

...but not 100%...Posting last night made me ponder where I personally stand...and I can totally admit that.

So...anyone else had the relaxer to natural journey? Or have you always been without a chemical process? And how do you feel? What are your thoughts?