When a basically responsible person converses with a criminal, their frames of reference are completely different, and therefore it is as though they are conversing in different languages. Because criminals have a view of life that is radically different from people who are basically responsible, they use words differently from most people. Professionals working in corrections and law enforcement discover that words commonly encountered in daily conversation have a very different meaning when spoken by criminals.
When a criminal says he “trusts” someone, that is not a compliment. He means that he has a person under his control; the individual will go along with him or, at the very least, not interfere with one of his enterprises. Or he may mean that he counts on a person not to “snitch” or inform on him. This is very different from what most people mean when they speak of relying on someone with the integrity and ability to provide help, support, or comfort.
When a criminal says he has a “problem,” he usually means that he is in a jam created by his own irresponsibility and demands that someone remove that difficulty as quickly as possible. He may claim he needs “help” referring to having another person assist him in a criminal venture or avoid the unpalatable consequences of his own misconduct.
Having no concept of “loyalty,” criminals seldom use the word. When they do, it is referring to a person who will be an accomplice or someone who will do precisely what they want.
Criminals have no concept of “love.” When criminals speak of love, they are often referring to sex. They also use the word in a sentimental manner, perhaps with respect to their mother or their child. But they abuse the very individuals whom they claim to love. One man stole coins from his son’s piggy bank and spent it on drugs. Another promised to take his wife out for a romantic evening. He left her waiting at the door while he had a fling with a prostitute.
A person in a relationship with a criminal is likely to be angrily told, “You don’t understand.” That precipitates the individual engaging in a bit of reflection, if not soul searching, to figure out what he failed to comprehend. Whereas, of course, misunderstandings do occur, the criminal pounces on, “You don’t understand” and employs it as a weapon to put others on the defense. This is a tactical maneuver that takes the focus off the offender.
“I can’t” is another phrase often uttered by criminals. What this usually translates to is, “I won’t.” If one thinks about the phrase, it denotes incapacity. This is not usually the case for the boastful criminal who regards himself as omnipotent. “I can’t” constitutes a rejection of what is obligatory or necessary because it doesn’t fit in with his plans.
Boredom is experienced by most people as a kind of weariness due to tedium. A six hour drive on an interstate highway may become boring. Attending to a menial and routine task may be boring. When a criminal complains of boredom, this is an angry restless state in which he is deterred from doing what he finds exciting or forbidden. Excitement to a responsible person comes from a new experience, an extraordinary performance, or something dramatically out of the routine. For a criminal, excitement comes from the pursuit of a conquest, the exercise of power and control over other people.
“I got real paranoid” is another assertion one may hear. A criminal may appear paranoid in that he seems unduly suspicious and distrustful. Paranoia actually is a feature of a serious mental illness in which a person is suspicious irrationally, i.e. with no basis in reality. A criminal has good reason for being extremely suspicious because he has betrayed others and engaged in conduct that is irresponsible, if not illegal. People likely are looking to hold him accountable. There is no mental illness involved.
Even the word “police” has its idiosyncratic meaning. Most people use the term to refer to law enforcement officers. A criminal uses the word to refer to any person who checks up on him and holds him accountable. It could be a parent or a teacher.
The above provide examples of commonly used words to which the criminal imparts an idiosyncratic meaning. It is a meaning very different from what a responsible person intends to convey using the exact same words. In their interactions with criminals, responsible people need to be aware of these semantic issues.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/inside-the-criminal-mind/201706/the-criminals-use-everyday-words
