... Charlie and the President.

CUT TO: EXT. ANDREWS AIR FORCE BASE - NIGHT Bartlet and Charlie are exiting Air Force One, discussing the situation in Japan.

greet them.

BARTLET
They're trying to export their way out of their own economic problems.

CHARLIE
Yes, sir.

BARTLET
And by dumping low priced steel on the U.S., you know what they're asking
for?

CHARLIE
A protectionist response.

BARTLET
They're begging for a protectionist response. Steel and mining employ a
hundred and seventy thousand workers. They're not going to sit around while discount
steel comes flying into... how you doing? [waves to someone calling "Welcome back, sir!"]
They're going to want retaliatory tariffs, and you know what that means?

CHARLIE
A return to Smoot-Hawley and the Great Depression.

BARTLET
A return to Smoot-Hawley and the Great Depression.

http://www.westwingtranscripts.com/search.php?flag=getTranscript&id=37

An oldie but a goodie.

DAEGWALLYEONG, South Korea — For his profession, Lowell Bailey wears a .22 caliber rifle strapped to his back. It has taken him across the world and to four Olympic Games, most recently to the biathlon mixed relay Tuesday night at Alpensia Biathlon Centre, where he skied the anchor leg for a United States team that finished 15th. His sport and his livelihood revolve around shooting. His competitors from other countries often wonder about his country’s relationship with guns.

At the PyeongChang Olympics, the U.S. biathlon team woke up last Thursday morning to alerts on their phones about terrible news from the other side of the world. Seventeen students, teachers and staff had been murdered at Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland, Fla., by a 19-year-old with an AR-15. It was both tragedy and data point, another in a ceaseless succession of mass shootings in America.

Biathlon and mass murder of innocent people share no connective tissue, other than the broadest definition of the tool used. Even understanding that intellectual fact, Bailey and his teammates often experience a visceral need to reconcile the shooting portion of their sport and the destruction guns have caused in their country. They are shooting rifles while representing a country where debates over gun control have once again become a central issue.


https://www.washingtonpost.com/sports/olympics/us-biathletes-shoot-guns-to-compete-they-want-gun-control-for-america/2018/02/20/6f7911ee-1603-11e8-b681-2d4d462a1921_story.html?utm_term=.3ecfa2e0f8f7

Lowell Bailey is a fellow Vermont Catamount

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In a televised event that many deemed unnecessarily cruel, millions of Americans were briefly reminded on Monday that they once had a President.

Unsuspecting Americans who turned on cable news Monday morning were suddenly assaulted with the memory of a time when the country’s domestic affairs, international diplomacy, and nuclear codes were entrusted to an adult.
CNN, one of the networks that televised the event, immediately said that it regretted doing so, and acknowledged that reminding Americans that they recently had a President had caused widespread bereavement and distress. “CNN deeply apologizes for the error,” a network statement read. “It will never happen again.”

Compounding the cruelty of the televised event, the networks lingered unnecessarily on a speech that only served to remind viewers that the nation once had a President who rigorously obeyed rules of grammar and diction.

https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/nation-cruelly-reminded-that-it-once-had-a-president

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Former hippies across the United States have been put in the unbearable position of rooting for the F.B.I., hippies have confirmed.From Vermont to California, erstwhile hippies bemoaned a nightmare scenario that has forced them to side with a law-enforcement agency they have despised since the Summer of Love.

“I always dreamed I’d spend my retirement surrounded by my grandchildren, telling them that the F.B.I. were fascist pigs,” Carol Foyler, a former hippie who lives in Santa Cruz, said. “That dream has been shot to hell.”

Her husband, Mick, nodded his head in sad agreement. “We were so happy when pot was legalized in California,” he said. “But the fact that we’re now on the same side as the F.B.I. has ruined even that.”

https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/former-hippies-put-in-horrible-position-of-rooting-for-fbi

PARKLAND, FL—In the hours following a violent rampage in Florida in which a lone attacker killed 17 individuals and seriously injured over a dozen others, citizens living in the only country where this kind of mass killing routinely occurs reportedly concluded Wednesday that there was no way to prevent the massacre from taking place. “This was a terrible tragedy, but sometimes these things just happen and there’s nothing anyone can do to stop them,” said Indiana resident Harold Turner, echoing sentiments expressed by tens of millions of individuals who reside in a nation where over half of the world’s deadliest mass shootings have occurred in the past 50 years and whose citizens are 20 times more likely to die of gun violence than those of other developed nations.

https://www.theonion.com/no-way-to-prevent-this-says-only-nation-where-this-r-1823016659

And know we have our obligatory Onion update. It says a lot about us that this happens so much a satirical site has a article ready to go and all they have to do is change the location.