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nycbos's JournalAndrew Yang Loads Shotgun As Hissing, Crackling Copy Machine Lurches Towards Campaign Staff
WASHINGTONKicking off the power cord that was coiling itself around his ankle, Democratic presidential candidate Andrew Yang frantically attempted to load a shotgun Monday as a hissing, crackling copy machine lurched towards campaign staffers. Ive got the copier. Zach, you destroy the cell phones, and for Gods sake, everyone, stay away from the Keurig, its sparking, said Yang, firing a shot that obliterated the sentient machines paper tray before pumping three more rounds into the dishwasher that had crept up behind him from the break room. Quick, that fax machine is reactivating all the desktop computers, smash it before it gets to the thermostat. Its me the electronics want, and theyll kill anyone who gets in their way. At press time, a lone iPad had beeped to life amidst the smoking ruins of democratic candidates former campaign headquarters, its charred, cracked screen reading only, Yang Must Go.
https://politics.theonion.com/andrew-yang-loads-shotgun-as-hissing-crackling-copy-ma-1836797439?utm_source=Facebook&utm_campaign=SF&utm_medium=SocialMarketing&utm_content=Main&fbclid=IwAR2glQxmoye-BSUyPTkhpDOs9R_ve5KrGXX0VSUmM-dzIfH_5mFPxBJLLGg
Mr. Yang is doing something right if The Onion is talking about him.
'That Place Is A Disaster,' De Blasio Watching Flooded NYC Subway On TV During Iowa Campaign Stop
PLEASANT HILL, IAShaking his head as he watched coverage of the citys flooded subway system during a campaign stop, presidential candidate Bill de Blasio was overheard remarking Tuesday that New York appeared to be a complete and total disaster. I cant believe how miserable and hopeless that place looks, de Blasio said as he visited the Pleasant Hill Diner in Iowa, observing that if he were elected president, then perhaps New Yorkers wouldnt have to worry about such terrible things happening anymore. How can people there stand it? I know I dont want to live in a place like that. Somebody really ought to do something. Before his aides ushered him to his next campaign event, De Blasio took one last look at the television and muttered that he was glad he didnt have to deal with any of that mess.
https://politics.theonion.com/that-place-is-a-disaster-says-bill-de-blasio-watchin-1836642155
As a New Yorker this is too accurate.
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