Your value to the post-apocalyptic world will determine your wages from now on, according to reports this afternoon.

After finally realising that some people get paid millions of pounds for what can best be summed up as “dicking about”, the government will issue a new set of laws demanding that only those truly essential to human survival in a world of nuclear storms and desert sands will earn the big money.
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“Top-level CEOs can fuck off as well. Nobody is going to give a shit about Amazon when they’re trying their best to hit rats with a slingshot for food.”

While the upper echelons of sport, business and politics all reacted to the news negatively, there was celebration among the one or two people who still know how to do actual things.

“My new wage is 9 million a year,” beamed carpenter, Jay Cooper.

Attorneys for Kentucky Governor Matt Bevin say former Rowan County Clerk Kim Davis violated the civil rights of same-sex couples who she denied marriage licenses and is now on the hook for $225,000 in legal fees.

The attorneys’ announcement comes in spite of Bevin’s past adulatory words for Davis.

“I think Kim Davis is, without question, an inspiration, not only to leaders like myself, people in the public arena and those outside the public arena, but to my children, to the children of America,” Bevin said in a video posted by the Liberty Counsel last year. The Liberty Counsel is the law firm that represented Davis.
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In 2017, a district court ruled that couples who were denied marriage licenses won their cases decisively and the state was obligated to reimburse their legal fees. But Bevin’s office appealed the ruling and said that the financial responsibility should fall solely on Davis.

“Her local policy stood in direct conflict with her statutory obligation to issue marriage licenses to qualified Kentucky couples. The local policy also undermined the Commonwealth of Kentucky’s interest in upholding the rule of law,” Bevin attorney Palmer G. Vance II stated, according to the Lexington Herald Leader.

Hunt, a committed Christian, said: “We wanted to do this not just because freedom of worship is a fundamental human right, but because also freedom of worship is the invisible line between open societies and closed societies.”

He added he wanted “to banish any hesitation to look into this issue without fear or favour that may exist because of our imperial history, because of the concerns that some people might have in linking the activities of missionaries in the 19th century to misguided imperialism”.

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He said evidence showed 80% of the people suffering religious persecution are Christians. He insisted this was not about asserting the rights of white wealthy Christians, but the religious freedom of some of the poorest people in the world.

He identified countries that are sites of persecution: Egypt, the Philippines, Afghanistan, Somalia, Sudan, Libya, North Korea, but also China and India. He cited the example of Asia Bibi, the Pakistani Christian woman imprisoned on death row after she was accused of blasphemy. The supreme court of Pakistan upheld her acquittal this week.