August 15, 2020

LOL: Gun Nut Blows Own Nuts Off, Hailed As Hero By Men Who Point Guns At Their Nuts (Wonkette)

https://www.wonkette.com/gun-nut-blows-own-nuts-off-is-hailed-as-hero-by-fellow-gun-nuts

Today in things you may feel you were better off not knowing, there are multiple Facebook groups in which men take pictures of themselves with loaded guns pointed towards their dicks. And, in news that should not shock you at all, one of those men has blown off his testicles and is now being hailed as a king by the members of one of these groups.

On August 11, the man, a member of the "Loaded Guns Pointed at (B)enis" group, started posting a live video of himself pointing a gun at his dick and balls, for reasons, when the gun "accidentally" went off, in what's more accurately called a "negligent discharge" — and how. The video was swiftly deleted, and the man subsequently posted the picture above, showing blood spattered everywhere and the caption " (B)ois, I think I fucked up." You will note the copy of the Constitution in the upper left corner, reminding us all that it is a man's Second Amendment right to shoot his balls off if he so chooses.

It was not a mere graze. The man later went to the hospital and discovered that it had actually gone through, which seems ... uncomfortable. But apparently he is doing okay for a guy who just shot himself in the balls. He has since been made an administrator of the group, and members have been photoshopping memes of him as a king, accepting the Presidential Medal of Freedom, etc. etc.

I'm torn between laughing my own balls off, and wondering if there remains any hope for us as a nation or a species.

EDIT: More from the linked VICE article.

To understand why this idiotic thing happened in the first place, and why there are several groups online dedicated to posting pictures of gun owners pointing a loaded weapon at their dick besides the Facebook group in question, you need to understand the beef raging between online gun people.

"Trigger discipline" is a basic gun safety measure drilled into people when they’re learning about firearms. Basic safety says that you always keep your finger off the trigger until you’re ready to shoot, and that you point it away from yourself and other people unless you mean to shoot them. Shitposters love taking pictures of a loaded gun pointed at their groin, finger hovering just above the trigger, to irritate responsible gun owners.

August 12, 2020

He says it's not parody, but I can't believe that.

https://twitter.com/atrupar/status/1293183851770966025
I mean, "find the secret zipper"? How can this NOT be satire?

August 5, 2020

Humor: 118 Coronavirus Jokes That Went Viral This Week (Bored Panda)

Who says the Left can't meme?

https://www.boredpanda.com/coronavirus-covid-19-funny-jokes/

Loved it so much I sought out some of the sources, like the very first one (Bored Panda doesn't imbed tweets, just images of them):

https://twitter.com/TomDangora/status/1290052617905664002

August 3, 2020

Alex Jones Encourages Violence (Again)

Don't worry, when someone gets killed over this, he'll tell the judge he's just "playing a character!"

https://twitter.com/RightWingWatch/status/1290348084510302209

Sauce for the goose, you slimy motherfucker.

July 25, 2020

FOXHenhouse panel: "Voicing concerns over risks toward children is tiresome."

https://twitter.com/mr_mxyplyzyk/status/1286777066021629952

Daaaang, a lot of guys with Russian wives on the Trump side of things. Anyway, sacrifice your kids to the God Emperor's glory!!

July 13, 2020

Freefalling Trump Campaign Reduced To Threatening Donors

via DailyKos

It's awfully flattering to know that during these turbulent times (a deadly pandemic, an economic recession, more than 20 million people unemployed, Russia paying bounties to kill American soldiers, Supreme Court rulings giving prosecutors access to Trump's financial records, etc), the President of the United States is taking time away from his golf game, tweeting, and Fox News watching, to look for my name on his list of donors.

Check out these quotes!

ERIC TRUMP: How do you want to be remembered? As a Patriot who fought to Keep America Great? Or as an un-American Liberal who stood idly by as Radical Democrats ripped our Nation apart? Team Trump just informed me that you haven’t accepted my father’s offer to join the Trump 100 Club, and I have to admit, I’m pretty disappointed.

MEET PRESIDENT TRUMP: Is everything OK? President Trump asked us if you were available to meet him at an upcoming event but we told him we hadn’t heard from you yet.

DONALD TRUMP JR: Should I tell my father that you aren’t interested? He asked me to review the most recent list of Patriots who have entered to win a trip to meet him at an upcoming event, and I noticed that you STILL haven’t entered.

July 11, 2020

Tucker Carlson's top writer resigns after secretly posting racist and sexist remarks in online forum

Surprise! It wasn't Tucker himself! ...That's the only surprise.

(LANGUAGE WARNING)

https://www.cnn.com/2020/07/10/media/tucker-carlson-writer-blake-neff/index.html

The top writer for Fox News host Tucker Carlson has for years been using a pseudonym to post bigoted remarks on an online forum that is a hotbed for racist, sexist, and other offensive content, CNN Business learned this week.

Just this week, the writer, Blake Neff, responded to a thread started by another user in 2018 with the subject line, "Would u let a JET BLACK congo n****er do lasik eye surgery on u for 50% off?" Neff wrote, "I wouldn't get LASIK from an Asian for free, so no." (The subject line was not censored on the forum.) On June 5, Neff wrote, "Black doods staying inside playing Call of Duty is probably one of the biggest factors keeping crime down." On June 24, Neff commented, "Honestly given how tired black people always claim to be, maybe the real crisis is their lack of sleep." On June 26, Neff wrote that the only people who care about changing the name of the NFL's Washington Redskins are "white libs and their university-'educated' pets."

And over the course of five years, Neff has maintained a lengthy thread in which he has derided a woman and posted information about her dating life that has invited other users to mock her and invade her privacy. There has at times also been overlap between some material he posted or saw on the forum and Carlson's show.

CNN Business contacted Neff for comment Thursday night. After he or someone acting on his behalf passed that email to Fox News spokespeople, a network spokesperson on Friday morning told CNN Business that Neff had resigned. A Fox News spokesperson said Carlson could not be reached for comment. Neff did not respond to multiple requests for comment.

Neff worked at Fox News for nearly four years and was Carlson's top writer. Previously, he was a reporter at The Daily Caller, a conservative news outlet that Carlson co-founded. In a recent article in the Dartmouth Alumni Magazine, Neff said, "Anything [Carlson is] reading off the teleprompter, the first draft was written by me."

(more at link)

July 4, 2020

Anti-Masker Founder of ReOpen Movement Tests Positive for Coronavirus

https://www.newsweek.com/founder-reopen-movement-who-didnt-wear-mask-tests-positive-coronavirus-1513831

The co-founder of a movement to reopen Maryland at the height of the COVID-19 pandemic has tested positive for the virus after refusing to wear a face mask.

Tim Walters helped organize rallies with the group ReOpen Maryland, demanding that Maryland Governor Larry Hogan rescind his stay-at-home order in April. Earlier this week, Walters said he had tested positive for COVID-19 in a series of Facebook videos, some of which have since been deleted.

"I was diagnosed yesterday at the ER with COVID-19 and here I am months after not wearing a mask at rallies, churches and so on and so it's funny how capricious this thing is," Walters said in a video on Tuesday, according to The Capital Gazette, who first reported on the test result.

Walters, a Republican candidate in two failed bids for the Maryland House of Delegates, said that he first experienced a dry cough in March, before eventually developing vision problems, headaches and a fever. The 53-year-old said he also has diabetes, while admitting he does not always maintain healthy habits.

Walters suggested that those he has recently come into contact with should monitor their symptoms. However, he is refusing to cooperate with Maryland contact tracers by providing any personal information that could help them contain the virus.

"I will not share anybody's information with the government. I will not do it," Walters reportedly said.

In a video posted Friday, he said he was attempting to open his own church and blamed "Satan" for his contracting the virus, while insisting that COVID-19 had never been spread during the anti-lockdown rallies.

"No one ever got sick at any of our rallies, to include me. Start a church, and I get sick," said Walters. "I got it because Satan deemed to get it. Because he wanted to quiet my work, to slow down the building of a church. That's what this is about. But the world won't see that."

"Why? Because they live behind a veil," he added. "They choose to hate God."

Walters also said that he has been going into public without a mask for months, insisted that he has "not changed one iota" despite testing positive, although he said he had stayed home for most of the past week.

Newsweek reached out to Walters for comment but did not receive a response in time for publication.

July 1, 2020

Scott Adams goes off the Deep End

Disclaimer: I actually find Dilbert (the strip) to be funny. Sometimes it's funny because depicts the foibles of incompetent management; sometimes it's funny because Adams is butthurt about women or something, and isn't hiding it very well. It helps that it costs me nothing but a couple of seconds.

Dilbert the TV show, on the other hand, sucked. Sure, it had moments when the "edgier" (childish) humor worked; for example there was a "corporate carnival" that had not a kissing booth, but an "ass kissing booth," which got a snicker out of me. But most of it was dreadful.

Well, Scott just went on Twitter to snivel that it was cancelled because Scott Adams is a white man, and whitey don't get no fair shake in this world. And then the rest of the universe took his sorry ass to school.

https://twitter.com/ScottAdamsSays/status/1277411944459153408
The replies--and Adams' whiney responses--are funnier than Dilbert has ever been. This guy sums up my feelings best:

https://twitter.com/KellenRLynch/status/1277731713540653057

June 27, 2020

Can't even process the anti-maskers' anti-logic. Just can't.

Seriously, "medical tyranny"? That's moronic, even for an alt-right turd like Garrison.

https://twitter.com/onlineforfood/status/1276721406999437312

The entire thread is loaded with responses by fools seeking out any excuse, any word-twist to justify their idiocy.

https://twitter.com/derekjGZ/status/1276615149193965568

EDIT: Wow. Via C&L: "I will not be muzzled like a mad dog!"

https://crooksandliars.com/2020/06/florida-covidiot-i-will-not-be-muzzled-mad