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Profile Information

Gender: Female
Hometown: London
Home country: UK/Sweden
Current location: Stockholm, Sweden
Member since: Sun Jul 1, 2018, 06:25 PM
Number of posts: 25,331

Journal Archives

FAQs for anti-maskers and anti-vaxxers

The following is satire that is, however, based on actual anti-masker and anti-vaxxer arguments and memes. The fact that this clarification is included speaks to the insanity that pervades our current public discourse.


Would Jesus wear a mask?

Definitely not. As a healer, he would have been interested in spreading the disease so that more people would pray to his father. Not Joseph. God. But since Joseph was a carpenter the rise in demand for coffins would have profited the family business and thatís another reason Jesus would not have worn a mask. And finally, as a man supremely wise, he would have recognized that leprosy and spinal condiitons, which he was asked to heal, were really hoaxes and fake news spread by liberal political reformers to make the Romans look bad.

Does government have the right to tell me not to breathe?

Definitely. Already government requires you to have a license to drive a car. It levies tyrannical taxes on you so that you will have smooth highways to drive your cars on. It even posts commands in the form of so-called ďtrafficĒ signs and lights that tell you when you have to stop driving and when you can start up again. The government also demands that doctors and nurses, whose job it is to keep us breathing, have to spend years learning SCIENCE in liberal UNIVERSITIES before they can even help us. So yes, it is clear that government has the right to tell you not to breathe and therefore wants you to wear masks, which have been shown to prevent you from breathing.

If you tell me to wear a mask so you wonít get sick, isnít that the same as telling me to start jogging to help you lose weight?
[Yes, I have seen this posted as if it were the definitive argument against wearing masks].

Yes. It is exactly the same as you jogging to help me lose weight. Your right not to wear a mask is equal to your right to give me a potentially fatal disease. For instance, if youíve got a big date and youíre afraid the mask makes you look like a lib-loser turn-off and so you head home earlier than planned and youíre hit by a car, then obviously my demand that you wear a mask is as dangerous to you as you not wearing a mask is to me. Now if you go jogging it is very likely I will lose weight as I will be so worried that you are jogging for my sake that Iíll forget to eat and Iíll wind up losing weight. So yes, they are exactly the same.

I support the KuKluxKlan and also believe that wearing a mask violates my First Amendment rights to freedom of expression. Am I contradicting myself?

Of course not. When you wear a hood at Klan functions, you are fully expressing yourself by proclaiming openly that you are a self-loathing racist who is so pathetic you think that your pigmentation somehow elevates you above the 90% of the world whose dermis contains more melanin than yours despite the fact that genetic tests indicate you very likely have African-, Native-, or Latino-American genes in your DNA. The Klan hood is also a statement that you are fully in accord with the violent acts and lynchings performed by the Klan throughout its history. Similarly, by not wearing a mask, you are expressing yourself by saying ďI donít believe in science. I trust the word of our chosen one, Donald Trump, no-nothing veteran of numerous sexual assaults and innumerable ethics violations, over hundreds of thousands of medical personnel. I am an American and if I infect a bunch of folks by being an American, well, thatís the price of freedom.Ē So I would say you are being wholly consistent in your approach to life and to masks.

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