No need to keep reminding him every six months!
and placed his order. he said, "i want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards. The brand new waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the kitchen and said to the cook, "this guy out there just ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards. What does he think this place is, an auto parts store? No," the cook said, "three flat tires mean three pancakes, a pair of headlights is two eggs sunny side up, and running boards are 2 slices of crisp bacon. 0h, ok!" said the waitress she thought about it for a moment and then spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the customer. The trucker asked, "what are the beans for? She replied, "I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires, headlights and running boards, you might as well gas up!".
A priest, a rabbi and a minister go fishing on a rare day off. They row their boat out a ways from shore and put down an anchor. The boat moves just a little bit here and there. They are enjoying being "away" from their jobs, the fishing is very relaxing, and they exchange funny stories about their lives.
The priest says: "Well, I have to go and use nature's rest room." He steps out of the boat, and walks on top of the water to shore, does his thing and walks on top of the water back to the boat and gets back in.
The rabbi is astonished but says nothing. A while later, the minister says: "Well, I guess it's my turn now." He gets out of the boat, walks on the water to shore, and does his thing and returns to the boat by walking on the water and gets back in the boat.
The rabbi is again amazed, saying nothing. When it comes time for the rabbi to "do his thing", he tells himself that if they can do it so can he. So he steps out of the boat, and plunges deep into the water. The priest and the minister help him back into the boat. They look at each other, and the minister says: "Shall we show him where the rocks are?"
A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little gray hair he had left. "Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-94, pushing the pedal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him, lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this," and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival. Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch, and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."
The old gentleman paused. Then he said, "Years ago, my wife ran off with a State trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."
"Have a good day, sir," replied the trooper.
Profile InformationGender: Male
Hometown: Danville Illinois
Current location: Western Indiana
Member since: Wed Dec 15, 2021, 12:18 PM
Number of posts: 18,350