Today, We Gather as One People to Celebrate Our President's Hypothetical Bravery (Ferret/ShowerCap)

[Cha]

12. FAKE courage.. brought to you by the

FAKE pospotus

And when you attack grieving children, you look like a massive fuckwad. (I mean, if you attack grieving children, you ARE a massive fuckward.) So the teens keep spreading their message and gaining support, and every hour or so another dickhead loses their shit and starts screaming that a photo of some of them smiling is irrefutable proof that they're all crisis actors because everyone knows that experiencing grief means you never enjoy a single moment of your life ever again.

BAM!

I'm starting to wonder if Demanding Credit for Being an Awesome Person When You're Actually a Garbage Person might not be genetic.

Or she learned at her daddy's knee.

The Velveeta Vulgarian's lawyers continue their desperate search for some reason, other than "C'mon, man, you can't put him under oath, he'll lie about what color his tie is!" to shield their client from an interview with Robert Mueller. The latest, and most laughable tack is that he's...hold on, this is hard to even type...he's...heheheheheh...he's too...HAHAHAHAHAHH...too BUSY!

Recently Indicted (Though Not Nearly as Many Times as Paul Manafort) Governor Eric Greitens now faces an investigation by the Mizzou State House, plus calls to resign from members of his own party. The moral of the story here is DON'T TIE PEOPLE UP NAKED SO YOU CAN TAKE PHOTOS TO BLACKMAIL THEM WITH, which apparently is a lesson we need to be teaching people in these troubled times. Aesop had some blind spots, I guess.

And serial pedophile Roy Moore popped up to endorse Douchey Woman-Hater Courtland Sykes in the state's GOP Senate primary, because there's an angel up there looking out for Claire McCaskill, and it is an angel with one sick sense of humor.

Tears of Laughter! Rofl

Happy Birthday, Ferret!