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Wed Apr 11, 2018, 01:19 PM

Furious Koch Brothers Sell Paul Ryan on eBay [View all]

Furious Koch Brothers Sell Paul Ryan on eBay

By Andy Borowitz 11:28 A.M.

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In a fit of pique, David and Charles Koch have unceremoniously listed House Speaker Paul Ryan for sale on the auction site eBay.

The Kochs, who reportedly had purchased Ryan for a sum estimated in the tens of millions, now seem likely to lose their entire investment.

According to Ryan’s listing on the auction site, the Kochs set a five-hundred-dollar asking price for the used congressman, a figure that, in light of the tepid bidding for him, seems optimistic.

“Granted, owning Paul Ryan doesn’t have the benefits that it’s had for David and Charles for all of these years, but the status of owning a former Speaker of the House has to be worth something,” one Koch associate said. “Certainly more than the current high bid of seventeen dollars.”

The eBay listing suggested several possible uses for the former House Speaker, including as a Halloween ornament or garden gnome.

https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/furious-koch-brothers-sell-paul-ryan-on-ebay?mbid=nl_Borowitz%20041118%20Afternoon&CNDID=40254947&spMailingID=13293418&spUserID=MTgzNzEwODU0MzQxS0&spJobID=1380975479&spReportId=MTM4MDk3NTQ3OQS2

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catbyte Apr 2018 OP
riversedge Apr 2018 #1
dweller Apr 2018 #2
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Eliot Rosewater Apr 2018 #3
smb Apr 2018 #19
dalton99a Apr 2018 #4
SonofDonald Apr 2018 #5
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barbtries Apr 2018 #9
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yardwork Apr 2018 #21
not fooled Apr 2018 #24
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calimary Apr 2018 #14
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smb Apr 2018 #18
spooky3 Apr 2018 #26
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Faux pas Apr 2018 #27