"Combover Caligula" - Fugelsang on Dolt45's latest tweet

[lunatica]

1. Yup. The emperor of the triple twist flying combover

He has it down to a fake science (because he doesn’t believe in science). The hair he does have somewhere on the top of his head which might be in the crown section or maybe the upper back of the head is combed forward and isolated into a kind of ponytail jutting off the forehead at his erstwhile hairline.

He then takes the two long locks of hair which are about a foot long on each side of his head and combs them to the middle of the back of his head in his unique bird wing wave, carefully covering the top of his ears. He sprays the fucking shit out of it. Once it has that hard, crisp feel to the touch, he liberated the top hair from the rubber band and leaning forward he gyrates in a perfect head tossing pirouette. When he lands he does so while spraying the shit out of his hair as it floates down into place. This is how he gets that much coveted cotton candy look.

Carefully checking all sides in his 5 sided full body plus ceiling panel mirror he has recently started adding extra spray to the back of his head due to the inconvenient wind at the airport when he boards the plane.

This is the reason he needs more “executive” time than other presidents. Like Imelda Marcos he is just making himself beautiful for his base. I mean handsomely manly in a muchos macho way. This is essential. I’ll Duce is what he aims for.