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flamin lib

(14,559 posts)
Mon Jan 28, 2019, 05:02 PM Jan 2019

Update on the end of a 50 year marriage. [View all]

If this the wrong place move or delete it.

Back in mid October my wife of 49 years and 7 months woke up on a Wednesday and decided we should separate for awhile. A week later she filed divorce papers. It was a complete surprise and a shock because she never gave any indication of unhappiness. Not a single clue or complaint.

She gave me four reasons for the breakup over the next month; I was angry all the time and "took a tone" with her, she wants to be independent and capable of being on her own and because our next door neighbor (15 years younger than we are) was diagnosed with Pancreatic cancer causing her to re-evaluate her life at 70 and just needs to "do something with her life".

On November first I moved out and into a 600 sq foot apartment.

My grown daughter and I spent a long time comparing notes and have come to what we think is the REAL reason she blew up our marriage and all of my life and future. About two years ago she was diagnosed with generalized epilepsy. He Neurologist prescribed Keppra in a low dose, one tab in the morning and two at night. She immediately became easily distracted and rambled when talking to the point that she actually babbled. At our urging she discussed these side effects with her doctor who immediately reduced dosage by 30%. She got a little better but could still wandered off topic to the point not being able to maintain a conversation. She also seemed agitated and tended to snap at us at every exchange. In September she lost all interest in sex and and the ability to orgasm. Googling Keppra and side effects we found those symptoms to be common side effects along with memory loss and changes in personality.

Again at our urging she asked the Neurologist about these and other symptoms with my daughter on a three way conference call. She denied having any of the behaviors described. The neurologist considered our concerns and prescribed another drug that takes 3 months to titrate up as the Keppra titrates down. She refuses to fill the new prescription. I have asked why and she says all our concerns are imaginary. Finally I pleaded with her, telling her that everybody who knows and loves her has seen the changes and spoken to her about them and I asked if she would please consider taking her doctor's advice. The answer was a resounding "NO!" in her typical snappish fashion.

So it seems that our marriage is irredeemable. Keppra has killed the woman I loved and lived with for all those years. She has been replaced with a body double with a completely different personality.

The only good thing is that we have finally found something about our breakup that bothers her. She's going to have to cash out half of her 401k, about $350,000 and pay income taxes on it before transferring it to my account. That seems to be giving her heartburn.

Valentines Day would have been 50 years.


I have moved out of the apartment which in my current state of mind is nothing but a suicide trap and am sleeping on daughter and SIL's couch. We will convert the 11x12 formal dining to a bedroom.

41 replies = new reply since forum marked as read
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Sorry. Sounds horrible. Voltaire2 Jan 2019 #1
No, the tax burden is all hers. Had she not filed divorce papers before thinkink through the flamin lib Jan 2019 #4
property divisions in a divorce is not a taxable event. mopinko Jan 2019 #17
I was about to jump in and say the same thing as mopinko - Ms. Toad Jan 2019 #26
Amen to the comments above jberryhill Jan 2019 #32
My sincerest symapthies, flamin. The love of my life had left the church before we met. Her ex MIL DontBooVote Jan 2019 #2
I hope this can be reversed! lunatica Jan 2019 #3
Sad to hear. Polly Hennessey Jan 2019 #5
My sincere sympathy; I'm glad you have your daughter LongtimeAZDem Jan 2019 #6
Medications can cause personality shift - harumph Jan 2019 #7
Hope you can work things out. Maybe an impartial, 3rd party oasis Jan 2019 #8
That was suggested and rebuffed as was any form of counseling; flamin lib Jan 2019 #13
Perhaps in a setting where the issue is subtlety brought up oasis Jan 2019 #16
She can't take the prescription Control-Z Jan 2019 #9
Her Dr has written the prescription flamin lib Jan 2019 #12
Making sure I understand - Control-Z Jan 2019 #18
I'm so sorry Srkdqltr Jan 2019 #10
Sorry for asking, but why a divorce? pandr32 Jan 2019 #11
This was one of my suggestions but it was rebuffed. She is adamant that we not go through life flamin lib Jan 2019 #14
Sad, but it sounds like displacedtexan Jan 2019 #22
So sorry. Tell her you won't agree pandr32 Jan 2019 #37
She's in an altered state and making decisions that cannot be undone Hekate Jan 2019 #20
This is so sad malaise Jan 2019 #15
pretty much qazplm135 Jan 2019 #23
I am so very sorry. I can't add anything to what others are saying. This is horrible. nt Hekate Jan 2019 #19
When the old meds run out, she won't have any choice but to take the new ones. Hopefully, patricia92243 Jan 2019 #21
Heartbreak is the worst pain... sagetea Jan 2019 #24
I am so sorry mountain grammy Jan 2019 #25
Just marking. I have no comment. underpants Jan 2019 #27
Sorry :( sharedvalues Jan 2019 #28
I'm very sorry. Have you talked with her doctor? yardwork Jan 2019 #29
I know it won't make the pain go away, but I can relate ProudLib72 Jan 2019 #30
Sending you kind thoughts. MLAA Jan 2019 #31
Sorry to hear this FL DashOneBravo Jan 2019 #33
I'm so sorry Bettie Jan 2019 #34
We think we can be objective about ourselves jberryhill Jan 2019 #35
Oh man... this is just awful and hurtful Texasgal Jan 2019 #36
I am so sorry. The drug could definitely have had an effect like that. What a shame. pnwmom Jan 2019 #38
I'm so sorry. n/t area51 Jan 2019 #39
I am saddened by your story Generic Other Jan 2019 #40
This is tragic. MarvinGardens Jan 2019 #41
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