Melania Trump seems like a nice person.

[CozyMystery]

69. I don't think the real Melania exists any more

She has been married to a malignant narcissist for a long time. She does what he tells her to do.

She may not even realize how much he has destroyed her soul. If she does realize that, then there must be a lot of things he is holding over her to keep her in line. At that point, her decisions boil down to what is best for someone else in the long run (due to the narcissist's power over those people's lives) -- probably her child and her parents -- and it no longer matters what is best for her.

No, I don't like her, based on what I see. But I do think there is something dreadfully wrong in her relationship with tRump. Maybe she knowingly sold her soul to the devil. Or maybe it was too late by the time she realized it.

That speech she gave where she plagiarized Michelle Obama was like a red flag to me. I doubt she wrote the speech or that she knew parts of it had been plagiarized. She trusted whoever was behind that ploy, and they were intending to humiliate her.

That's what I think because a narcissist did that to me one, back when I trusted him. That event had nothing to do with plagiarism, but it reeks of the same tactics I think may have been used on Melania.

I would hate to be Melania. It must be like living in a family of pit vipers. I really don't think any of us know enough about her to determine whether she, too, is a pit viper. Maybe I identify too closely with being married to a narcissist. That certainly means my opinion is biased.

Most of all, I think we have no idea of what Melania's motives are in anything she has done. We can make stuff up in our heads about her, but that does not mean what we surmise or opine is the truth.

Take that cheap coat she wore (i don't care, do you?). Do you really think she hunted for a cheap coat to buy that said those words? That is ludicrous to me. She was presented with the coat and told to wear it. We don't know whether she wanted to wear it or hated it. We won't know, either, because (IMO) Melania has been set up to be another tRump brand.

One thing I taught my kids, learned from my experiences, is to beware of people who make stuff up in their heads about anyone, and to be vigilant that they are not doing it themselves. People should consult the person they are attacking or (rarely) supporting, to make sure it is true. The target person is the only person who knows why s/he does things. And there doesn't have to be just one reason or motive for doing something -- sometimes there are several reasons.

I have known people who have done that to me. Said to me that my motive for doing something unselfish for the other person was just to get something for myself. And then not believing me when I stated otherwise, even when they benefited greatly from my actions. The good that came out of it for me was ancillary and not sought out by me. A happenstance. It was never the motive. Trouble is, when one makes stuff up in their heads about someone else, they cannot be budged when their target disputes it.

People who are famous, since I have never met any of them, are just brands. Much of the public information about them is either supportive of their brands, or not. It has nothing to do with the person they are in private. We can look at their behavior, past and present ... at their actions, to determine whether we believe what we see and hear. But always, we must realize in some small corner of our minds, that even the best among us may be performing the behaviors, the actions, in support of their brand.

I could think someone is a Very Good Person, then get to know them personally, and they get mad and throw a stapler at me. That one action would make me change my mind about their VGP designation.

All people are human, all make mistakes, have misguided motives, do bad things, think bad things, say bad things. It does not make sense to villify or celebrate someone completely, unless you really, truly know them in real life. Or unless they have done something so terribly evil that all bets are off because we know it when we see it. Same thing happens the other way - they can do something so wonderful that we don't care about their human failings.

I think Melania is not important in the grand scheme of politics in our country. What she wears, what she says, how she appears to be is of zero consequence. Those who adore her are tRumpers. I spent time on FR reading their comments about Michelle Obama, who appears to be a Very Good Person (I do not know her personally), and I was sickened by them all. I don't think that we should waste our time being like FReepers.

I said before that I don't like Melania -- her actions, her words, her sense of fashion are all included in that. If I had complete information about the situation she is in, my opinion might change in either direction. Meanwhile, I stand by my words -- she is not important.