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Response to Claustrum (Reply #29)

Sun Jan 16, 2022, 04:08 PM

36. I can understand that kind of pressure.

So the only other alternative is for you to leave, or stay and take the risk. Sounds like leaving would mean being ostracized and possibly disowned by the relatives.

I know that I would have just left. But not everyone would feel that they could make that choice.

I used to have a verbally abusive father-in-law. The family tolerated his tyranny in silence and I was expected to do the same. I was young, in my 20s, and was brought up to respect elders and parental figures. I also wanted to avoid creating trouble between my husband and his family, or between his family and me. But one day in the middle of a large family dinner he started in on me verbally and I had had enough. I knew my husband would not speak up on my behalf. Nobody spoke up to that guy. I did not respond to him, did not excuse myself from the table, did not say a word. I just silently stood up and walked out the door.

I was a couple blocks away when my husband caught up with me in the car. He told me to get in, return to dinner, and apologize to everyone. I refused and kept walking. My husband and I lived on the other side of town, a very long walk for me, but I was angry enough to do it.

When my husband realized that I would not give in, he said that he would drive me home. He did, and then called to tell his family that I was not feeling well so he was staying home with me. I refused to go to the next couple of family dinners. My husband's relatives pleaded with me to stop making an issue of it and said I could not do that indefinitely, but I said that I would until he apologized. After several weeks, he did. Following that, I went to their house only for holidays.

Eventually I divorced the husband who turned out to be as abusive as his father. I have no reluctance since then to refuse to tolerate behavior that is harmful to me.

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wnylib Jan 2022 #25
Claustrum Jan 2022 #29
LineLineLineLineReply I can understand that kind of pressure.
wnylib Jan 2022 #36
Claustrum Jan 2022 #39
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