They Are Relentless. (And Kind of Hard to Stomach.)

[Fumesucker]

11. That's pretty dense, I'd put a few more carriage returns in it and break it up some

Your first paragraph would be better broken up into three or maybe even four and so on.

The large blocks of text are hard to read on my big monitor, when I get in the middle of one of them it's easy to lose track of which line I'm on.

How stuff looks on the page is almost more important getting people to read it than what you write, solid blocks of text are harder to read.

Try reading your piece out loud to yourself.