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Eyeball_Kid

(7,429 posts)
Fri Jan 26, 2024, 12:25 PM Jan 26

BREAKING NEWS: Texas Governor proposes ban on vasectomies. [View all]

In a rather startling development, Texas Governor Greg Abbott is proposing to the Texas legislature a law that would, under penalty of 5 years in prison, a ban on vasectomies for all males, regardless of social status, color, or income, or age. The proposal comes at a time when women in the state are banned from having abortions. The governor, who has vehemently denied rumors that he's fathered 9 children out of wedlock, announced his proposal at a state-wide convocation for the One Night Stand Brotherhood, a newly formed association of men committed to fathering children at any cost. "It's only right," remarked the Governor, "that every God-given sacred sperm be protected from neglect, misuse, and an early death. When God told us to populate the Earth, it's our duty to take His command seriously. If women can be charged with a felony for having an abortion, it's only proper that men conform with prohibitions on reproductive freedom."

Senator Tommy Tubes of Louisiana wholly concurred with the proposed law. "This vasectomy movement has got to stop. Men can't just drop into a clinic and walk out half a man. And for what?"

However, Governor Abbott's sudden advocacy for gender equality was not received well by all segments of the electorate. A group of 50 armed men congregated in front of the governor's mansion demanding that the bill be snipped in the bud. One of the leaders of the group, Harold Lightrod, momentarily pointed his rifle downward and angrily shouted, "How dare the Governor try to take away our freedoms! We have a right to do whatever we want with our bodies. And does anyone really think that men will stop getting vasectomies just because this idiot governor thinks he can control our lives? Let me tell you. Where there's a will, there's a way."

The Texas legislature scheduled a debate on the bill on February 14, Valentine's Day.

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"Every Sperm Is Sacred" - ? Is this a joke? Aristus Jan 26 #1
DU satire onenote Jan 26 #6
Satire: Still dead. Aristus Jan 26 #10
the lack of discernment here is often dismaying Celerity Jan 26 #22
Texas lege won't be in session until 2025 LeftInTX Jan 26 #11
Abbott will probably call a special session before then. TwilightZone Jan 26 #15
Yep! ProfessorGAC Jan 26 #28
If a sperm is wasted Martin Eden Jan 26 #32
I hope they do edhopper Jan 26 #2
Snipped in the bud - nicely done. Probatim Jan 26 #3
I guess men in Texas won't be masturbating, right? zanana1 Jan 26 #4
Thereby putting the state legislature out of business. Paladin Jan 26 #18
At roughly 300 million little sperm buddies per event, Buns_of_Fire Jan 26 #21
Thanks for the added fun. Eyeball_Kid Jan 26 #26
This message was self-deleted by its author LuckyCharms Jan 26 #5
Tell me this is a joke.. PCIntern Jan 26 #7
Thanks for the compliment. Eyeball_Kid Jan 26 #27
How about a source for this so-called story? Hmmmm? I think it's fake. nt CaliforniaPeggy Jan 26 #8
Obviously satirical, but don't put it past them. Eugene Jan 26 #9
That's the problem: satire isn't so obvious anymore. Aristus Jan 26 #12
oh please don't give them any ideas Captain Zero Jan 26 #13
Good one ! nt TeamProg Jan 26 #14
Almost got me but then I looked for a link and... CTyankee Jan 26 #16
Love it ! republianmushroom Jan 26 #17
Think of the movie Legally Blonde keithbvadu2 Jan 26 #19
This message was self-deleted by its author bif Jan 26 #20
The earth is overpopulated now and more people will destroy the planet and its eco system Stargazer99 Jan 26 #23
If I recall correctly, Eyeball_Kid Jan 26 #30
Congrats on a nice piece of satire. Stinky The Clown Jan 26 #24
Today's satire is tomorrow's GOP policy. Midnight Writer Jan 26 #25
You had me fooled UnderThisLaw Jan 26 #29
Well played! nt Dulcinea Jan 26 #31
Did I miss someone posting this? Louis1895 Jan 26 #33
You had me going for a minute! That's DAMN funny! DemocraticPatriot Jan 26 #34
You should apply to work for the Onion. nt Quixote1818 Jan 26 #35
They'd never ban viagra Earth-shine Jan 26 #36
This message was self-deleted by its author JudyM Jan 26 #37
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