It's not about "enthusiasm" -- it's about NO.

More important, though, is it's about educating and acculturating (much more difficult) men and boys to not rape. To not insist on sex. To not EXPECT sex as a right.

How do you do that, as a parent or an educator, when there are so many messages out there that say SCORE, SCORE, SCORE? When the media -- especially advertising -- constantly demeans women? The PLCB ad was just another example of how prevasive it is? Not a whole woman, not an acting woman, just part of a body, panties at her ankles. The same with the UK campaign -- not a whole body, just part of one, The woman dehumanized, reduced to a torso in knickers.

Look at the trailer for "Miss Representation." Look at Jean Kilbourne's videos, updated and updated and updated because the media is not getting -- or doesn't want to get -- the message.

Women are people, too. And we are psychologically and sociologically shaped by the culture around us. And it's a culture that demeans and dismisses women. it's a culture that celebrates sexual scoring even when the scoree is unwilling.

Margarat Atwood once said or wrote -- I don't have the exact quote in front of me but I can get it quickly enough -- "Ask men what their greatest fear of women is, and they'll say they're afraid women will laugh at them. Ask women what their greatest fear of men is, and they'll say they're afraid of being killed." That should give you some idea of the power imbalance here.

Men who rape -- and not all men DO -- often rape because they can. They have sex with a woman because they know they can, they know she can't or won't fight back. They don't think of it as rape because rape is stranger-in-an-alley-with-a-gun, and that isn't want they're doing. They're just taking what they think is theirs, because they bought her dinner or they slept with her last week or their best friend lived with her for a month or so and dumped her.

It's all about telling THESE guys, the ones who ARE teachable, that no means no. Period. At any time, at any place, at any point along the continuum from first kiss to penetration, NO means NO. it's not up to the guy to interpret whether no means maybe or yes or keep trying. It means NO. He doesn't have to gauge her level of enthusiasm, he just needs to learn that no matter what the latest music video says, NO means NO. No matter what the hottest pop star is doing or saying, regardless of gender, NO means No.

And as simple as that seems, it's a very difficult point to get across, as the length of this thread and others like it shows.



TG