On the Bright Side, I Just Saved a Bunch of Money on My Car Insurance (Ferret/Shower Cap) [View all]

[TheFerret]

First of all: fuck.

To clarify: FUCK!

Fuckity fucking fuck.

That said, in the interest of balance, on the other hand:

FUUUUUUUUUCK

And to those who would counter, “MOTHERFUCKING FUCKING FUCK,” I say…fair enough. I see where you’re coming from. MOTHERFUCKING FUCKING FUCK indeed. Perhaps even HOLY CARCINOGENIC BALLS OF LIGHT-DEVOURING FUCK.

(And yes, links and such await ye here: https://showercapblog.com/on-the-bright-side-i-just-saved-a-bunch-of-money-on-my-car-insurance/)

The fuck, America? You chose…poorly.

Abstractly, I get why somebody might vote for a violent autocratic movement over the price of eggs. Personally, I prefer to live in a society, but I do get it. I would probably check first, to see if said violent autocratic movement actually had a viable plan to bring down the price of eggs, but then, I am a libtard.

Anyway, I’ve been having a grand old time, pinballing between all the same fun, fun emotions you’ve been feeling. The “I guess America is basically evil now” despair, the banging-my-head-on-my-desk-till-it-splinters outrage that lying works so goddamn well, and of course, that burst of “if this is what voters want, they deserve what they get” spite, complete with practicing the smug look I’ll shoot at the bewildered Trump voters as they enter the reeducation camp six months behind me. (Ideally, you want one that’ll still convey the intended level of disdain once your teeth’ve rotted out.)

Most of all, the shaking-my-head-so-hard-my-jowls-ripple-with-measurable-frequency disbelief that anyone anywhere could possibly still believe this visibly decomposing con man is some sort of business genius, who could fix anything, even if he possessed the slightest interest in doing so. Which he doesn’t.

(I don’t actually have jowls, for the record. Though if I keep drinking at the rate I have been this week…)

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me after crashing the economy and causing tens of thousands of senseless Covid deaths, to say nothing of the rapes and felony convictions and staffers calling him a fascist and so on, ad infinitum, well, shame is the least of our worries, although that time traveler I met at Denny’s last year did say something about all the 21st century American history texts coming in pop-up book form.

All in all, a fairly crappy Tuesday, even as Tuesdays go. Always been a lousy TV night, frankly, but I confess I found the season finale of American Democracy particularly dissatisfying. Certainly disappointed the Jack Smith subplot won’t play out. The Russian bomb threats targeting minority precincts were a clever detail, though; my compliments.

And the trailers for next season look awful. So many of my least favorite characters returning in prominent roles. Not excited for this “vengeful narcissist can prosecute anybody he wants” angle, or the economy-wrecking tariffs they’re teasing, and I don’t care for the elevation of this “Elon” fellow, because how many idiot racist billionaires do really you need? Sometimes less is more.

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

Beyond that, most of the political news this week involved sifting through the wreckage for explanations, and it turns out it’s pretty difficult to write jokes about early post-mortem hypothesizing.

“How many points rightward does the electorate have to shift to screw in a dictatorship? THREE TO FIVE, APPARENTLY, BUT WE’RE STILL WAITING FOR MORE DATA…is this thing on?”

See?

Anyway.

I’d already been planning to take a break after the election, and, uh…yeah, I’m gonna do that. I’m fuckin’ exhausted, y’all.

The actual writing of this blog is a hefty enough workload, but the necessary research involved (incessant doomscrolling, essentially) keeps the MAGA rage/hate/shit/poison cocktail at a constant simmer inside my poor, battered cranium, more or less around the clock. Which doesn’t leave a lot of room for other work.

As you may’ve noticed, it’s been a long-ass time since I made a comic book! So long, I’m embarrassed to say how long.

I’ve been wrestling with this story for…shit, I was worried it would no longer be relevant by the time I actually got the fucking thing made, but thanks to the unteachable American electorate, I guess I’ve got a whole new window.

You folks’ll love it, assuming I ever get it done. (It’s turning into my own, personal Megalopolis, only hopefully not, y’know…shitty.) Won’t burden you with the details, but over the last few months, there have been…let’s say, “setbacks.”

Previous blog hiatuses have proven productive, so I’m gonna step away for a bit, to focus my energies on dragging this little bastard across the finish line, yes, but most of all, to rest up for the fights to come. Feels like the perfect time to unplug, honestly; skip the gloating and the dread, drink some beers, take some walks, drink some more beers, fill any and all available receptacles with fluoridated water before RFK Jr. floods my pipes with whale juice, and then drink any beers that may have evaded my attention, however improbably.

How long a hiatus? At least through Thanksgiving, probably the end of the year. Maybe I’ll pop up for a sporadic update here n’ there. I’ve dug my little trench on the sidelines of our circular firing squad on social media, so I’ll probably half-heartedly lob a water balloon from time to time. You can follow @john_luzar, but if you see me posting too much, feel free to chastise me.

Ok. Resistance mode it is, then. You know that world-weary Krusty the Clown sigh? That’s the sound I made after I typed, “Ok. Resistance mode it is, then.”

But even in these dark times, we mustn’t lose sight of the wonder life has to offer us. For instance, imagine the childlike delight of those North Korean troops, experiencing their brief, consciousness-expanding immersion in western internet pornography, right as they’re fed into Putin’s meatgrinder. Brings a tear to your eye, doesn’t it?

Ok, friends, I’ll see you in a bit. Forgive me for rattling the ol’ tip jar (Now accepting PayPal, Venmo AND Cash App) a little harder tonight, because as mentioned elsewhere, I will certainly not be taking a hiatus from beer. Far from it.

Stay safe out there. Take care of yourselves. Above all else, do not, under any circumstances, allow the bastards to grind you down.