General Discussion
In reply to the discussion: Eve Ensler on the passivity of men [View all]Lurker Deluxe
(1,036 posts)I was raised by parents born in the early 30's and was conditioned by my father that it is my responsibility to protect women and children from anything that I can. See a woman or child in a situation that puts them in danger it is your responsibility as a man to do something about it. If you raise your hand to a woman or a child in my presence I will step in to that situation, count on it. You will not hit them, won't happen.
Is that my responsibility? I was taught it was.
Does that mean I would want the woman in my life to be submissive to me? Absolutely not. I want an equal, someone who is just as smart (or smarter) than I, someone who has the same goals as I do, someone who challenges me and makes me a better man. The same way I would challenge them to be a better woman. Remove the gender and it is simply someone who tries to make the other a better person.
In todays life that is a difficult task. I have had women actually tell me I was sexist because I think this way. I have been told that because I think women need to be protected I am a cave man. I do not think you "need" to be protected, I think that if for reasons beyond your control you get into trouble it is my responsibility to assist in whatever way I can. If that means changing a flat tire in a parking lot/side of the road ... or helping someone out of an abusive relationship, I will do what I can.
Today, attempting to help someone you do not know in a parking lot/side of the road will get the police called. Trying to help someone in an abusive relationship will cause you more grief than the rewards for sure. I've been called "captain save a ho" by women who are two steps away from being turned into property.
The true love of my life left me simply because I did not make enough money, or that I was "blue collar", or whatever she actually said ... do not remember the actual wording, something about a "career". Whatever. It has nothing to do with anything other than status. It was about money. It is certainly my responsibility to provide to the best of my ability, provide security, provide stability, provide financially. Does that mean I have to compete with others for you? Seems to be that way alot of the time. Half the time when meeting a potential mate one of the very few queries is financial.
I will admit this much, a metro-sexual I am not. You will not catch me worrying about my shoes, or if I should wear that coat because of it's color ... my hair is cut in the basic crew because it is easy to maintain and my clothes are cotton because they are easy to wash. I am not going to change who I am or how I dress to court a woman, it seems that basic honesty is not a quality that is valued today. In a mixing pot of singles, the flashy guy with the caddy and $300 shoes gets the girl .. even though he expects a bj in the parking lot that night.
So he buys her six shots of whatever, she leaves with him, he goes to far, and she comes back three hours later crying and now what? I am supposed to go kick his ass? You want me to stand up to him and confront him because he is a rapist? Did you ask for that? No. But at the same time me and two friends were there, shooting pool and having a couple beers, and we tried to tell you that guy was a dick. But hey ... he's driving a 70K car and he has nice shoes. His wingman distracted your friends and he isolated you and played the game for the express purpose of fucking you. Somehow now that is my problem?
Maybe it did not quite go that way, and it ends up you are in a relationship with this jackass. Next thing you know you are moving in with some guy you have known for 20 days. When you met you had a job, now you do not need one because you just do not need the money. So you take some part time gig, or just stay at home. Then your car breaks down, but you don't really need one because he takes you where you need to go. You get told you are being put into a situation where that man is about to have total control over you ... told that again and again. Then you are isolated from your friends and family. Then the abuse starts. Now I am supposed to do something about it?
The basic instinct of protecting women has been beaten out of men. The "good man" that you ask of watches silently as this goes on and shakes his head. The "good man" wonders what the hell he is doing wrong, why does it always seem to work like this? Maybe he should get some new shoes. There are lots of men out there who are solid, hard working, honest and do not condone the "rape culture".
You want to know where they are? You want to know why they aren't "driven to the point of madness with the action of rape and humiliation" of women? They have been driven to the point of madness with the culture that surrounds them in all aspects of everyday life.
You want them to speak up?
Then you must celebrate them. Men must be acknowledged for being good men, must be recognized for doing good deeds, must be appreciated for being loyal and honest ...