General Discussion
In reply to the discussion: There seems to be a lot of confusion about benevolent sexism. [View all]MineralMan
(146,284 posts)I am not the most important person on the planet. What that implies for me is that when I interact with others, I should recognize that they are equally as important as I am. What that means in the door opening scheme of things is that the first person to arrive at the door opens it. If another person or small number of other persons is approaching close behind, then holding the door and allowing them to enter first is a recognition of their existence and that someone will have to open the door. There is no reason for the door to be opened more than once, so the first there opens it. If the other people approaching the door exceed two or three in number, then one of them should take the door and allow the first person to enter.
That seems to be the general rule that most people, men and women included, follow, most of the time, and it's a sensible one.
Going a bit further, if I encounter someone who is clearly less able than I am, it is always my responsibility to assist them if I am in a position to do so and close at hand. Any person with a cane, a walker, or a clear disability takes precedence always, if I am nearby and able myself. Women without obvious disabilities are perfectly capable of normal day-to-day things typical of human behavior. If they arrive at the door first, then it falls to them to be the one to open it. Whoever gets there first has that job, man or woman. If the first arrival doesn't open the door, and I am behind that person, I will, of course open the door, since it was my intent to go through the door. I will also let that person go in first, on the assumption that the person may well have some disability I am not aware of. I won't reason any further about it.
I am not the most important person on the planet. Nobody is. We're all just people on the planet, and we have to get along with each other. That's the entire reason societies develop etiquettes. We have to get along. So, we do many things based on that etiquette.
The other aspect of all of this is that if someone does need assistance with something, that person should feel perfectly comfortable about asking for assistance, of any person who can render it. The corollary is that anyone seeing someone struggling with something should feel free to offer assistance. An example might be changing a tire. Often, lug nuts are over-tightened in auto service businesses. Very often. As it happens, I keep a toolkit in my own vehicle. It contains tools capable of loosening any lug nut, regardless of how over-tightened it is. So, if I see someone who is unable to loosen lug nuts without risking injury, I will, as a matter of course, offer to help. I can do that quite easily, and am glad to. I keep those tools in my vehicle for that very purpose, as well as to deal with wheel removal on my own vehicle.
Similarly, when my car suddenly died at a traffic light and would not restart, another motorist, who saw that my hood was up and that I was not holding a cell phone to my ear, stopped and offered me the use of her cell phone. I thanked her, called AAA, and returned her phone. She noticed my situation, had the means to assist me, so she assisted me. That is simply a behavior that is called for by the situation and the general rules of polite behavior.
Nothing is required of the person being assisted but to offer a simple "thank you" to the person doing the assisting. There's no need to philosophize over it. Offering assistance, whether it is to open and hold a door when more than one person will be going through it or when asked or when you notice someone's need for assistance, is simply how we should all behave. We have to get along.
So, If I hold a door open for you, it has nothing to do with who you might be or any characteristic you have. I am simply following my basic rules. If I got there first, I'll open the door and hold it for the person behind me. If you're holding the door, I will say "thanks," and pass through it. It's that simple.