General Discussion
In reply to the discussion: Just ripped a co-worker. Now I feel terrible. [View all]grilled onions
(1,957 posts)They make it sound like she put in ad in the paper. But they also say the same with what she wore(too tight,too short,too little,) what time of the day it was,how she should not have been at that place at that time. Every comment gives the rapist another excuse. It seems no matter what she does from having a job in a place where she could be chosen as a victim(be it an almost all male office to working as a bar tender) it's always going to be her fault. It's time all these excuse makers shut up and start thinking of the violent act that the woman did not deserve. As you said you are forced to live this scene in your mind every day of your life. Certain occasions,places people or things may trigger another memory attack. It does not go away no more then molestation as a child. The guilt, the shame is always part of you. Victims of rape(men too--far too many don't think of them in this way) should not have to be reminded every day by those who speak without thinking,who obviously have never had such horrors happen to them. Old Hester Prynne may have had that scarlet letter on her chest but today society seems to almost enjoy putting the blame on the victim and not on the accused. I think you did right. If you didn't it would be like an onion(in reverse) where each insult,each hurtful comment adds another layer. It's time for all victims to be able to shed those layers of hurt and bad memories and be able to be more like everyone else. You can't undo what was done but you sure as hell can try to prevent more hurt by those who have no idea what you are talking about.